Carlos Danger: Secret Mayor

  • Aired:  07/24/13
  •  | Views: 30,509

In the face of impossible challenges, Mayor Danger won't just throw up his hands, because those hands will always be occupied. (2:47)

OKAY.

THAT'S IT, FOLKS.

I JUST... I DON'T CARE WHAT HIS

WIFE THINKS.

THESE ARE SERIOUS TIMES.

THIS CITY HAS SERIOUS PROBLEMS.

AND I DO NOT WANT ANTHONY WEINER

AS MY MAYOR.

I WANT CARLOS DANGER.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

CARLOS DANGER.

A MAN OF WHATEVER THE OPPOSITE

OF MYSTERY IS.

JUST THINK ABOUT IT, FOLKS.

A YEAR AFTER BEING HOUNDED FROM

OFFICE IN NATIONAL, NAY, GLOBAL

DISGRACE FOR RECREATIONAL CROTCH

PHOTOGRAPHY, DOES HE STOP?

NO, HE PRESSES ON.

THAT'S THE KIND OF SINGLE-MINDED

DEDICATION YOU NEED AS MAYOR OF

NEW YORK CITY BECAUSE AS MAYOR

CARLOS DANGER WILL FACE

IMPOSSIBLE CHALLENGES EVERY DAY.

BUT HE WON'T JUST THROW UP HIS

HANDS BECAUSE THOSE HANDS WILL

ALWAYS BE OCCUPIED.

PLUS LET'S FACE IT.

YOU WANT TRANSPARENT GOVERNMENT,

SAY NO MORE.

AND MAYOR DANGER WOULD NEVER BE

SCARED TO GO TOE-TO-"I HOPE

THAT'S A TOE" WITH WALL STREET

OR TEACHERS' UNIONS OR THE MOB.

HE'S NOT SCARED OF ANYTHING

BECAUSE CARLOS DANGER'S MIDDLE

NAME IS ALSO DANGER.

OF COURSE, WE CAN'T EXPECT

CARLOS DANGER TO SING HIS OWN

PRAISES.

HE'S A HUMBLE GUY UNLESS YOU'RE

A IMPRESSIONABLE YOUNG WOMAN

WITH A SMART PHONE.

SO TONIGHT MY GRAPHICS TEAM HAS

CREATED AN ANIMATED TRIBUTE TO

WHAT THE GOOD PEOPLE OF NEW YORK

CAN EXPECT UNDER THE DANGER

ADMINISTRATION.

JIM?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> I'LL SAVE YOU.

CARLOS DANGER.

SECRET MAYOR.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: FOLKS, THIS NOVEMBER

, I CERTAINLY HOPE

YOU'LL BE THINKING OF CARLOS

DANGER WHEN YOU YANK THAT LEVER.

NOW, IN OTHER POLITICAL NEWS,

FOLKS, YESTERDAY VIRGINIA

GOVERNOR BOB McDONNELL

APOLOGIZED FOR ACCEPTING

$120,000 IN INAPPROPRIATE LOANS

FROM A DIETARY SUPPLEMENT MAKER

WHO ALSO FUNDED A $15,000 NEW

YORK SHOPPING TRIP FOR THE

GOVERNOR'S WIFE.

AND... ANY PICS OF HIS PEENER OR

ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

THEN WHY AM I WASTING YOUR TIME?

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.