Herman Cain's Bittersweet South Carolina Victory

  • Aired:  01/23/12
  •  | Views: 49,104

Herman Cain beat every candidate in the South Carolina primary who was no longer trying to win, leading Stephen to officially end his presidential exploratory committee. (4:17)

FOR TWO WEEKS.

BUT FOLKS, THERE WAS ANOTHER

HUGE WINNER ON SATURDAY.

HERMAN CAIN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NOW I URGE SOUTH CARLINIANS

TO VOTE FOR ME BY VOTING FOR

HERMAN CAIN.

AND WHEN ALL THE VOTES WERE

COUNTED, WE CAME IN NUMBER 1

PERCENT.

WHOOO!

WE ARE THE 1%.

(APPLAUSE)

EAT IT, OTHERS AND

STATISTICAL ANOMOLIES.

WE MADE IT TO INTEGERS.

AND FOLKS, THE COLBERT BUMP

IS RECONFIRMED.

HERMAN CAIN GOT ONLY 45

VOTES IN IOWA, AND 160 VOTES

IN NEW HAMPSHIRE BUT IN

SOUTH CAROLINA HE RAKED IN A

MASSIVE 6,324 VOTES.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THAT IS MORE THAN PERRY,

HUNTSMAN AND BACHMANN

COMBINED.

THAT MEANS WE BEAT EVERYONE

WHO WAS NO LONGER TRYING TO

WIN.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT FOLKS, NOW THAT THE

RESULTS ARE IN, I HAVE A

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

I WILL GIVE THE OTHER

NETWORKS A MOMENT TO BREAK

INTO THEIR PROGRAMMING TO

CARRY THIS LIVE.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT OUGHT TO DO IT.

OKAY.

MY FELLOW AMERICANS OF SOUTH

CAROLINA, WHILE YOUR TURNOUT

ON SATURDAY WAS HISTORIC,

UNFORTUNATELY, AND NO ONE

COULD HAVE PREDICTED THIS,

HERMAN CAIN DID NOT WIN THE

SOUTH CAROLINA PRIMARY.

SO IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART

AND A SPASTIC COLON THAT I

AM RESUSPENDING HERMAN

CAIN'S SUSPENDED CAMPAIGN.

ALSO I AM HEREBY OFFICIALLY

ENDING MY EXPLORATORY

COMMITTEE TO RUN FOR

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

STATES OF SOUTH CAROLINA.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

OF COURSE, I WANT TO THANK

THE EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE

MEMBERS FOR THEIR SERVICE.

DR. HENRY KISSINGER, PAT

BUCHANAN, CRISS ANGEL MIND

FREAK, BAGGER VANCE, GRIMA

WORMTONGUE, ROSCOE THE

SUPERINTELLIGENT FERRET, 1.5

TIMES AS INTELLIGENT AS A

NORMAL FERRET SO LIKE A DUMB

RACCOON.

CHUCK TODD, AND A ROLL OF

QUARTERS.

SO NOW THAT MY

EXPLORETATION-- EXPLORATION

HAS COME TO AN END.

WHO KNOWS WHAT I AM GOING TO

IT MAYBE I WILL BE LIKE

HERMAN CAIN AND HIT THE ROAD

IN A BUS WITH MY FACE ON IT.

MAYBE I'LL HIT THE ROAD IN A

BUNCH OF TINY CARS EACH WAY

DIFFERENT PART OF MY FACE ON

IT WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

ME AND ALL THAT DELICIOUS

MONEY.

BECAUSE SINCE I AM NO LONGER

A POSSIBLE CANDIDATE, I AM

OFFICIALLY OFFERING TO

RETAKE CONTROL OF THE

DEFINITELY NOT COORDINATING

WITH STEVE STEPHEN COLBERT

SUPERPAC.

TO GIVE IT BACK TO ME,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE

WELCOME JON STEWART.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

JON?

BHAS'S JON?

JON?

WHERE'S JON?

HE'S AT THE DAILY SHOW?

JIMMY, JIMMY, OPEN UP THE

SATELLITE LINK TO THE DAILY.

JON, JON, WHAT IS GOING ON?

REMEMBER, REMEMBER WHEN YOU

GAVE ME THE SUPERPAC,

REMEMBER HOW WE DIDN'T

COORDINATE THAT YOU WOULD

GIVE IT BACK TO ME IF I

DECIDED NOT TO RUN?

>> Jon: I DO REMEMBER NOT

COORDINATING THAT.

>> Stephen: WELL, JON, I AM

NOT RUNNING.

SO LET'S SIGN THE TRANSFER

PAPERS.

DID TREVOR SEND THEM TO YOU.

>> Jon: OH, YEAH, TREVOR

SENT-- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, I

THINK HE DID, HOLD ON-- BOOM,

THERE'S YOUR PAPERS.

>> Stephen: COME ON!

JON!

GIVE ME THE MONEY BACK.

IT'S MY MONEY.

>> Jon: FUELING MY ZEPPELIN,

STEPHEN, I GOT TO GO, SORRY,

I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.

I GOT TO GO.

>> Stephen: STEWART!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

JON, GET HIM BACK.

GET HIM BACK ON THE PHONE.

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