ThreatDown - Radical Muslim Snacks, Flying Robot Drones & Coked Up Vacuums

  • Aired:  01/25/11
  •  | Views: 77,299

Sharia law creeps into America, flying robots build dorm room shelves, and a woman finds crystal meth hidden in her vacuum cleaner. (5:04)

CONCERTO BEFORE SHE DROWNS YOUR

BUNNY.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SEX.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

NOW THAT I'VE GOT YOUR

ATTENTION, NOW THAT I'VE GOT

YOUR ATTENTION, DEATH.

THIS IS THE THREATDOWN.

[SIREN BLARES]

NATION, RECENTLY OKLAHOMA PASSED

A BALLOT INITIATIVE FORBIDDING

THE YOUTH OF ISLAMIC SHARIA LAW.

THANK GOD.

IT IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING

OKLAHOMA'S HUGE MUSLIM

POPULATION FROM INSTITUTING

BURQA NIGHT AT THE TULSA

HOOTERS.

UNFORTUNATELY IN OTHER STATES

SHARIA LAW IS STILL COMING AT US

IN A VERY CREEPY WAY.

>> WE HAVE SEEN SHARIA CREEP

ALONG IN ALL KINDS OF WESTERN

COUNTRY.

>> FEARS THAT SCHREEA LAW IS

CREEPING INTO THE UNITED STATES.

>> THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED

CREEPING SHARIA.

>> ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE

PHASE SHARIA CREEP?

>> WOULD SHARIA LAW BE CREEPING

INTO EVERYDAY AMERICAN LIFE,

HIDDEN INSIDE A SANDWICH?

( LAUGHTER )

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, A

SANDWICH OF DEATH.

AND FOR ONCE I'M NOT TALKING

ABOUT ARBY'S.

THAT'S WHY THREAT NUMBER THREE

IS RADICAL MUSLIM SNACKS.

AS USUAL, PAT ROBERTSON WAS ALL

OVER THIS MEAT MENACE.

>> HELLO, FOOD, IT SOUNDS

INNOCENT.

HEY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH KOSHER?

THAT'S FINE.

I LIKE COACHER.

>> Stephen: OH, THERE IS NO

GREATER FRIEND OF KOSHER THAN

PAT ROBERTSON.

I'D GO SO FAR AS TO CALL HIM A

HEBREW NATIONALIST.

BUT PAT KNOWS THE DANGER OF

HALAL.

>> HALAL IS PREPARED ACCORDING

TO THE RULES OF SHARIA LAW.

>> STEPHEN: AN IMPORTANT

DISTINCTION, FOLKS TO.

SLAUGHTER AN ANIMAL UNDER KOSHER

RULES, YOU CUT ACROSS THE NECK

OF A CONSCIOUS ANIMAL IN ONE

CLEAN ATTEMPT AVOIDING THE

SPINAL CORD, BUT UNDER HALAL,

YOU CUT ACROSS THE NECK OF A

CONSCIOUS ANIMAL WITH A

NON-SERRATED BLADE AVOIDING THE

NECK WHILE SAYING THE NAME

ALLAH.

THAT RADICALIZES THE BRISKET.

NO PROBLEM, YOU SAY, I JUST

WON'T EAT IT, RIGHT IN THAT'S

WHAT THE PEOPLE IN BRITAIN

THOUGHT.

>> THE LONDON "DAILY MAIL"

INVESTIGATION FOUND THAT

BRITAIN'S MAJOR SUPERMARKET

CHAINS, FAST FOOD RESTAURANT,

EVEN SOME HOSPITALS AND SCHOOLS

WERE SERVING HALAL FOOD WITHOUT

TELLING THOSE WHO WERE EATING

IT.

>> Stephen: THEY'RE EATING

SECRET MUSLIM FOOD.

AND THAT'S EVEN WORSE THAN

WHATEVER IT IS THE BRITISH

CONSIDER FOOD NOW.

AND, FOLKS, HALAL HAS GOT

AMERICA IN ITS CREEP SIGHTS

>> IN THE UNITED STATES,

McDONALD'S, WAL-MART AND WHOLE

FOODS NOW OFFER HALAL CHOICES.

>> Stephen: NOT CHOICES?

WE'RE DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO BEING

SERVED FILLET AL' FISH BY IMAM

McCHEESE.

VIGILANCE!

NEXT UP, FOLKS, FOR YEARS I HAVE

BEEN WARNING ABOUT THE THREAT OF

ROBOTS RISING UP AGAINST THEIR

HUMAN MASTERS.

WELL, NOW SCIENTISTS HAVE

REACHED A NEW MILESTONE IN OUR

ENSLAVEMENT -- FLYING ROBOTS

THAT CAN AUTONOMOUSLY ASSEMBLY

MAGNETIC ROBS INTO SIMPLE

CUBE-LIKE TOW ERS.

THERE'S NO REMOTE CONTROL HERE,

FOLKS.

THESE BUZZ BOSTON HAVE A LIVE

MIND OF THEIR OWN AND APPARENTLY

FIRST STEP TO ENSLAVING US IS

BUILDING DORM ROOM SHELVES.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THREAT NUMBER

TWO, FLYING ROBOT DRONES.

FOLKS, TODAY THEY'RE

CONSTRUCTING A THREE-FOOT TOWER.

TOMORROW IT'S A SPRAWLING PRISON

FOR THREE-FOOT PRISONERS.

PROVIDED THEY CAN BUILD IT

BEFORE THEIR BATTERIES RUN OUT

AND YOU CAN'T BE TOO WINDY.

EVEN IF THEY DON'T ENSLAVE US,

THEY WILL CRUSH US AT JENGA.

VIGILANCE!

AND SPEAKING OF OUT-OF-CONTROL

MACHINE, THIS ALARMING STORY OUT

OF WISCONSIN.

>> A GREEN BAY WOMAN FOUND FOUR

POUNDS OF CRYSTAL METH AND

COCAINE IN A VACUUM CLEANER THAT

HER KIDS HAD GIVEN HER FOR

CHRISTMAS.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Stephen: THOSE DRUGS RUINED

AN OTHERWISE THOUGHTFUL

CHRISTMAS GIFT WITH A LOVING

MESSAGE -- HEY, MOM, CLEAN UP

MORE.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THREAT NUMBER

ONE, COKED-UP VACUUM CLEANERS.

NATION, THESE DRUG MULES ARE NOW

RUG MULES.

WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

HOW DO YOU THINK R OOMBAS CLEAN

YOUR HOUSE FOR TEN HOURS?

CLEARLY THEY'RE ON THE HIGH

SPEED CHICKEN FEED.

NEXT THESE VACUUMS ARE GOING TO

MAKE THEIR DRUG MONEY BY TURNING

TRICKS.

THERE ARE A LOT OF SICKOS OUT

THERE WHO WOULD LOVE TO EXPLOIT

A VACUUM'S ENDLESS SUCTION.

I'M LOOKING AT

Loading...