Movies That Are Destroying America - Oscar Edition - "A Separation" & "The Lorax"

  • Aired:  02/27/12
  •  | Views: 36,072

The Persian menace nabs its first ever Oscar, and "The Lorax" has over 70 different product tie-ins, which should automatically win it Best Picture in 2013. (4:14)

>> Stephen: L'OSCAR, S'IL VOUS

PLAIT.

THE NEXT MOVIE ATTACKING OUR

FREEDOM, THE IRANIAN FILM "THE

SEPARATION."

BY THE WAY, IF IRAN ISN'T

SEEKING NUCLEAR WEAPONS, HOW

COULD MY GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT

MAKE THAT EXPLOSION SO BIG?

(LAUGHTER)

THE PERSIAN MENACE NABBED THE

OSCAR FOR BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE

FILM, A BUNCH OF PROPAGANDA

ABOUT AN IRANIAN FAMILY

STRUGGLING WITH DIVORCE, AN

ELDERLY FATHER SUFFERING FROM

ALZHEIMER'S AND A CHILD CAUGHT

IN THE MID-WHO WILL JUST WANTS

BOTH PARENTS TO KEEP LOVING EACH

OTHER.

THIS IS AN IRANIAN PLOT TO

ENRICH MY EMOTIONS.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THESE FOOLS GAVE IRAN ITS

FIRST-EVER OSCAR!

WHICH MEANS THEY FINALLY HAVE

THE VITAL GOLD-PLATED CORE

NECESSARY TO ARM A NUCLEAR BOMB!

(APPLAUSE)

I MEAN, REMEMBER... AM I THE

ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS?

WE WOULD NEVER HAVE DEFEATED

JAPAN WITHOUT JOAN CRAWFORD'S

BEST ACTRESS OSCAR FOR "MILDRED

PIERCE."

(LAUGHTER)

BUT ACADEMY, LISTEN TO ME

CAREFULLY, ACADEMY, ALL IS

FORGIVEN IF NEXT YEAR YOU JUST

HONOR A MOVIE OPENING THIS

FRIDAY.

"THE LORAX."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NOW, DON'T GE ME WRONG!

DON'T GET ME WRONG, FOLKS.

I'M NO FAN OF DR. SEUSS.

NOT AFTER WHAT THOSE KIDS DID TO

POP.

(LAUGHTER)

HE SUFFERED MASSIVE INTERNAL

HEMORRHAGING.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, I DIDN'T LIKE THIS BOOK,

OKAY?

FIRST OF ALL, IT WAS A BOOK.

(LAUGHTER)

SECOND, IT WAS AN ENVIRONMENTAL

J.D. ABOUT A LITTLE ORANGE TREE

HUGGER TRYING TO KILL THE GOOD

PRODUCING JOBS THAT WAS BEING

CREATED WITH NOTHING MORE THAN

UNWANTED TRUFFULA TREE TUFTS.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT I DO LIKE THIS MOVIE BECAUSE

IT'S NEARLY 70 DIFFERENT PRODUCT

TIE-INS AND EVERYBODY KNOW IT IS

MORE TIE-INS, THE MORE GOOD

SOMETHING IS.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S WHY MY FAVORITE MOVIE AND

FAVORITE CANDY IS APOCALYPSE NOW

AND LATERS.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

OF COURSE THOSE OF US WITH OF A

CERTAIN AGE REMEMBER THE ADDS.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT I LOVE ONE LORAX PRODUCT TIE

IN MORE THAN ANY OTHER.

>> WHO DELIVERS OUTSTANDING FUEL

EFFICIENCY WITHOUT COMPROMISING

THE JOY OF DRIVEING?

MAZDA.

AND WHO RECEIVED THE ONLY

CERTIFIED TRUFFULA TREE SEAL OF

APPROVAL?

MAZDA.

AND WHO...

>> I DON'T KNOW, YOU'VE ONLY

SAID IT LIKE A BILLION TIMES!

>> ONLY MAZDA COULD RENAJ

DRIVING WITH REVOLUTIONARY SKY

ACTIVE TECHNOLOGY.

>> Stephen: YES, THE LORAX IS

SELLING THE NEW MARK KOTSAY DA

C.X. 5 CROSSOVER S.U.V.

NOW, IT'S NOT A POLLUTING

VEHICLE, IT'S A HYBRID IN THAT

IT USES A COMBINATION OF GAS AND

OLINE.

(LAUGHTER)

I PERSONALLY THINK DR. SEUSS

WOULD ONLY BE DISAPPOINTED THAT

THE LORAX HAS ONLY 70 PRODUCT

TIE INS SO THE PRODUCERS OF THE

MOVIE I SAY THIS SELLOUT IS NOT

QUITE ENOUGH.

I'M DEMANDING MORE BRANDING OF

LORAXIAN STUFF.

WITH WHAT YOU CAN BUY, THE SKY

IS THE LIMIT.

A FILET-O-FISH MEAL WITH REAL

HUMMING FISH IN IT.

FILMMAKERS GET CRACKING THE

MARKET IS LACK AGO SPLENDIFEROUS

SCENE MADE OF FRACKING OR THE

FINE SOMETHING ALL PEOPLE NEED,

INDEED YOU'LL SUCCEED IF YOU

SOLD US A SNEED.

OR IF YOU ONLY TAKE ALL THE

TRUFFULA TUFTS OFF THE TREES BY

THE LAKE, THEY'RE COMFY AND

THICK AS THE THICK IRONY OF THE

LORAX AND SEUSS HOCING BIG

S.U.V.s.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)