The Word - On the Straight & Narrow-Minded

  • Aired:  07/17/12
  •  | Views: 32,376

The minds of young people are being poisoned by knowledge, but thankfully Texas is the Large Hadron Collider of denying science. (5:22)

AVAILABLE TO THE PRESS.

WHICH KIND OF MAKES YOU WONDER IF THERE'S NOTHING HE'S NOT HIDING.

(LAUGHTER) OF COURSE, EVEN A POLITICAL POWERHOUSE LIKE NONE OF THE ABOVE MAY NOT HELP MITT WIN THE

YOUTH VOTE.

WHICH ROMNEY IS PRESENTLY LOSING TO OBAMA BY 17 POINTS!

AND I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT THAT MEANS.

UNLESS YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE YOUNG PEOPLE, IN WHICH CASE I DO HAVE TO TELL YOU.

BUT I'M SURE YOU WON'T LISTEN TO IT UNLESS I DO IN THE A TEXT OR

A SEXT OR A SEX INTEREST OR WHATEVER.

(LAUGHTER) IT MEANS THIS.

IT MEANS WE CONSERVATIVES ARE LOSE CONTROL THE YOUTH.

BECAUSE THE YOUNGLINGS DON'T SHARE OUR FUNDAMENTAL VALUES.

ACCORDING TO RECENT POLLS, 63% OF THESE PUNKS SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE AND 31% OF THEM DOUBT

THE EXISTENCE OF GOD.

PROBABLY THAT POLL WAS TAKEN AFTER THEY SAW THEIR STUDENT LOAN STATEMENTS.

(LAUGHTER) FOLKS, THIS IS INFURIATING.

AS A PARENT, I EXPECT MY CHILDREN TO ACT AND THINK EXACTLY AS I DO.

AND FOR A WHILE THEY DID.

BUT THEN THEY TURNED THREE AND STOPPED HAVING TANTRUMS AND VOMITING ON THEMSELVES.

(LAUGHTER) THANKFULLY, SOMEONE HAS FINALLY FOUND A WAY TO BRING OUR KIDS

BACK INTO THE CONSERVATIVE FOLD AND IT BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'S WORD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW MINDED.

FOLKS, I'VE SAID SINCE DAY ONE OF THIS SHOW THE MINDS OF OUR YOUNG PEOPLE ARE BEING POISONED

BY KNOWLEDGE.

(LAUGHTER) AND THE SOURCE OF THIS TOXIC CEREBRAL SLUDGE IS OUR SCHOOLS.

THEY FILL OUR KIDS' HEADS WITH DANGEROUS CONCEPTS LIKE EVERY ELECTROCUTION AND P.E.

(LAUGHTER) NOW, HAPPILY...

(LAUGHTER) THERE IS ONE BRIGHT SPOT IN EDUCATION-- TEXAS.

THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER OF DENYING SCIENCE.

(LAUGHTER) NOW, FOLKS, I HAVE LONG PRAISED THE TEXAS BOARD OF EDUCATION FOR

THEIR VALIANT WORK REWRITING OUR NATION'S HISTORY TEXTBOOKS.

BUT NOW...

(LAUGHTER) I BELIEVE THEY'VE GOT SOME STIFF COMPETITION FROM THE TEXAS

G.O.P. WHO RECENTLY PUT A PLANK IN THEIR 2012 PARTY PLATFORM REGARDING CHILDREN'S EDUCATION

THAT SAYS-- AND I QUOTE-- WE OPPOSE THE TEACHING OF CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS.

(LAUGHTER) AMEN, BROTHER.

FOR TOO LONG WE HAVE BLINDLY ACCEPTED THE IDEA OF NOT BLINDLY ACCEPTING IDEAS YOU KNOW WHO I BLAME?

I BLAME GALILEO.

WHAT A JAGOFF.

(LAUGHTER) I MEAN, FOR CENTURIES WE HAD A PERFECTLY GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THE ORDER OF THE UNIVERSE.

BIBLE SAYS THE SUN GOES AROUND THE EARTH MAKING US THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE YOU KNOW WHAT?

EVERYONE WAS HAPPY!

FOR THEM NUMB NUTS OVER HERE GET THE TELESCOPE FOR CHRISTMAS,

USING HIS PRECIOUS CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS AND SUDDENLY THE EARTH GOES AROUND THE SUN, BLAH

BLAH BLAH, NOW WE HAVE LESBIANS.

(LAUGHTER) BUT FOLKS...

(APPLAUSE) I'M HERE TO TELL YOU NOW THE TEXAS G.O.P. IS ON TO YOU,

CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS.

THEY KNOW THAT YOU "HAVE THE PURPOSE OF CHALLENGING THE STUDENTS' FIXED BELIEFS."

AND A GOOD TEACHER'S JOB IS TO MAINTAIN WHATEVER FIXED BELIEFS A STUDENT HAS WHEN THEY ENTER

FIRST GRADE.

(LAUGHTER) FRANKLY, FOLKS, I AM EMBARRASSED THAT WE CONSERVATIVES DID NOT THINK OF THIS SOONER!

WE ARE FIGHTING A CULTURE WAR HERE AND WE'VE BEEN THINKING TOO SMALL.

SURE WE'VE DISCREDITED THE LIBERAL ACTIVISM OF THE '60s AND THE SOCIALIST POLICIES OF THE

NEW DEAL AND WILSONIAN PROGRESSIVISM AND THOSE DAMN ZIPPERED PANTALOONS.

ONLY A STRUM PET WOULD NEED TO DISROBE WITH SUCH HASTE.

I SAY YOU WEAR A BUTTON FLY AS GOD INTENDED.

BY THE FINAL YOU GET YOUR PANTS OFF YOU'RE PROBABLY MARRIED.

(LAUGHTER) ALL OF THAT IS JUST CHILD PLAY COMPARED TO THE TEXAS G.O.P. WHO

WITH THIS ONE PLANK OF THEIR PLATFORM HAVE CALLED FOR THE REPEAL OF THE ENLIGHTENMENT AND

AS IF TO ILLUSTRATE WHAT'S POSSIBLE ONCE YOU ARE FREED OF THE SHACKLES OF CRITICAL

THINKING RECENTLY THE TEXAS G.O.P. WHEN ASKED ABOUT THIS POSITION EXPLAINED THAT IT WAS

AN OVERSIGHT AND SHOULD NOT HAVE INCLUDED THE WORDS "CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS."

(LAUGHTER) NOW WHEN THEY WERE DRAFTING THE PLATFORM, SOMEBODY HAD TO SAY

"NO CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS." SOMEBODY ELSE HAD TO TYPE THOSE

WORDS AND THEN THE TEXAS G.O.P.

HAD TO APPROVE THOSE WORDS.

DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE IF ANYONE HAD BEEN THINKING CRITICALLY?

(LAUGHTER) BUT THANK GOD NO ONE WAS.

AND IF THEY GET THEIR