Food Insurance Insurance

  • Aired:  10/26/10
  •  | Views: 48,186

With Glenn Beck's Food Insurance and Stephen's Food Insurance Insurance, America as we know it may end, but at least Americans as we know them will still be fat. (4:09)

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUMP.

NATION, YOU KNOW, I CONSIDER IT

MY DUTY TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE

APOCALYPSE.

I MAY SCARE THE BEJESUS OUT OF

YOU, BUT I ALSO PROVIDE

TOP-QUALITY RE-BEJESUSING

SERVICES.

RECENTLY I SHARED A FOX

NEWS-VERTIZMENT ABOUT THE

BUNKER, THE $100,000 WAY TO

WEATHER AN ATTACK.

WHAT IF YOU CAN'T GET ON THE

GROUND FLOOR OF HIDING BELOW THE

GROUND FLOOR.

AS WITH EVERY QUESTION YOU'RE

NOT ASKING, GLENN BECK HAS THE

ANSWER.

>> WE LIVE IN A CRAZY WORLD

WHERE ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN,

WHETHER IT'S A NATURAL DISASTER

OR A MAN-MADE DISASTERMENTO UH

JUST WANT SOME PEACE OF MIND.

FIRST OF ALL, FOOD INSURANCE.

THEY'RE BACKPACKS.

YOU OPEN UP THE BACKPACKS AND

INSIDE THE BACKPACK IS

ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING THAT YOU

NEED FOR FOOD AND WATER.

THIS IS FREEZE-DRIED FOOD, AND

IT WILL LAST YOU A COUPLE WEEKS.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.

FOOD INSURANCE.

A BAG OF FOOD TO KEEP AROUND

JUST IN CASE THE WORLD COMES TO

AN END BUT WILL BE ALL BETTER IN

A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

DON'T GET CAUGHT BY SURPRISE.

JUST LISTEN TO THE BAD NEWS

PANDA.

>> DO THE EASY STUFF NOW.

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR WHAT WE ALL

HOPE WON'T HAPPEN, BUT PROBABLY

WILL.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Stephen: NOW, YOU'RE

PROBABLY THINKING, FOOD

INSURANCE SOUNDS AMAZING, BUT IS

IT RIGHT FOR ME?

WELL, JUST CHECK THE WEB SITE

HELPFUL DISASTER MAP TO FIND OUT

IF YOUR REGION IS AT RISK FOR

SEVERE STORMS, ECONOMIC

DOWNTURN, FLOODS OR PANDEMICS.

SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU LIVE IN A

REGION, IT IS.

( LAUGHTER )

OF COURSE, IN A POSTAPOCALYPTIC

DISOPEN THIAN HELLSCAPE WHERE

THE LIVING ENVY THE DEAD, WHO

CAN POSSIBLY THINK ABOUT FOOD?

WELL, YOU COULD BECAUSE FOOD

INSURANCE PRODUCTS ARE

DELICIOUS.

( LAUGHTER )

IN FACT, THEY PROMISE THAT WHILE

YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE STRUGGLING TO

FIND FOOD, YOU WILL BE DINING ON

LASAGNA AND BEEF STROGANOFF.

MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM.

JUST REMEMBER TO SWALLOW BEFORE

DENYING YOUR NEIGHBOR'S CHILD A

BITE OF YOUR STROKE --

STROGANOFF BECAUSE IT'S RUDE TO

TAUNT THE STARVING WITH YOUR

MOUTHFUL, AND YOU'LL BE ABLE TO

RAISE A TOAST TO YOUR FULL BELLY

WITH YOUR CHOICE OF APPLE DRINK,

ORANGE DRINK OR WHITE MILK

SUBSTITUTE.

MMM.

THAT'S MY FAVORITE COLOR OF MILK

SUBCITY OUT THE.

HUNGRY YET?

WHY NOT SPEND THE EXTRA $10,000

FOR THE DELUXE 12-MONTH FAMILY

OF FIVE AN TRAY PACKAGE

GUARANTEED TO HAVE A 25-YEAR

SHELF LIFE.

WHERE ELSE ARE YOU GOING TO FIND

AFFORDABLE FOOD THAT WILL STAY

EDIBLE FOR MORE THAN TWO DECADES

OTHER THAN A HALF PI MEAL?

-- HAPPY MEAL?

OF COURSE, EVEN THE BEST FOOD

INSURANCE CAN'T TRULY MAKE YOU

SAFE.

WHAT IF IT TURNS OUT THAT THE

VIRUS THAT WIPES OUT MANKIND IS

TRANSMITTED VIA STROGANOFF?

THAT'S WHY I HAVE PARTNERED WITH

THE PRESCOTT GROUP TO OFFER FOOD

INSURANCE, INSURANCE.

IT WILL COVER ANY DAMAGE TO YOUR

FOOD INSURANCE FOR A LOW, LOW

MONTHLY PREMIUM OF JUST $8 9.99.

SHOULD THE APOCALYPSE AFFECT

YOUR FOOD INSURANCE, DOWNLOAD

AND PRINT FORM 609B, FILL IT OUT

IN ASH OR BLOOD, THEN MAIL ONE

COPY TO EACH OF OUR SEVEN

PROCESSING CENTERS.

IN TWO TO FOUR MOONCYCLES, A

CLAIMS ADJUSTOR WILL ARRIVE AT

YOUR CRATER, ASSUMING HE CAN

AVOID THE JACKALS.

REMEMBER, WITH GLEN BECK'S FOOD

INSURANCE AND STEPHEN COLBERT'S

FOOD INSURANCE INSURANCE,

AMERICA AS WE KNOW IT MAY END,