Black Friday Interpretation

  • Aired:  11/29/10
  •  | Views: 51,697

Stephen apologizes to everyone at his neighborhood Wal-Mart who may have been offended by his wrongful interpretation of what Black Friday means. (2:39)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE

REPORT."

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOLKS,

WELCOME TO "THE REPORT."

IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

NATION, I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT

THANKSGIVING, AND MORE

IMPORTANTLY, I HOPE YOU HAD A

GREAT BLACK FRIDAY.

THE OFFICIAL KICKOFF OF THE

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING SEASON, IT'S

WHEN PARENTS PROVE THEY LOVE

THEIR KIDS BY TRAMPLING EACH

OTHER TO BUY THE LAST ZHU ZHU

PET.

SO IF YOU WEREN'T CAMPED OUT IN

FRONT OF TOYS 'R US ALL NIGHT, I

HOPE YOU DID THE RIGHT THING AND

CALLED CHILD SERVICES ON YOU.

BLACK FRIDAY IS ALL ABOUT

SHOPPING.

I KNOW THAT... NOW.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT ON FRIDAY.

SO I'D LIKE THE EXTEND SINCERE

APOLOGIES TO EVERYONE AT ANY

NEIGHBORHOOD WAL-MART WHO MAY

HAVE BEEN OFFENDED BY MY

WRONGFUL INTERPRETATION OF WHAT

BLACK FRIDAY MEANS.

YOU SEE, I...

( LAUGHTER ).

I'M A CHRISTMAS ORIGINALIST.

I BELIEVE IN THE TRADITIONAL

DUTCH PATRON SAINT OF AMSTERDAM

CHILDREN AND SAILORS WHO FILLS

THE WOODEN SHOES OF GOOD

CHILDREN WITH FRUIT AND NUTS AND

WHO HAS A HELPER NAMED "BLACK

PETER," A MISCHIEVOUS MORE WHO

KIDNAPS NAUGHTY CHILDREN AND

TAKES THEM AWAY IN A SACK.

YOU KNOW, CHRISTMAS.

SO NATURALLY I THOUGHT BLACK

FRIDAY IS WHEN EVERYONE PUTS ON

BLACK FACE AND STEALS CHILDREN

FROM WAL-MART.

AGAIN, AGAIN, MY APOLOGIES.

( LAUGHTER )

HONEST MISTAKE.

WELL, FOLKS, I AM DONE

CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS.

I DON'T WANT ANY MORE

MISUNDERSTANDINGINGS.

I'M JUST GOING THE WAIT AND

CELEBRATE A HOLIDAY THAT WON'T

OFFEND ANYBODY, CHINESE NEW

YEAR, BECAUSE I

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