Obama's Failed Second Term

  • Aired:  01/10/13
  •  | Views: 9,273

President Obama is turning out the way white males wanted him to, and Jack Lew's sloppy signature will make America's currency a laughingstock. (5:20)

THIS IS WHAT THE COUNTRY HAS COME TO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ANOTHER THING I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT, FOLKS: OBAMA'S FAILED SECOND TERM.

IT DOESN'T START FOR TWO WEEKS AND IT IS A DISASTER.

POINT IS, I GAVE IT A CHANCE.

EVEN MEMBERS OF OBAMA'S CABINET ARE JUMPING OFF THE S.S. BARACK LIKE RATS LEAVING FOR AN

OPPORTUNITY IN THE PRIVATE SECTOR.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT THE THING THAT DISTURBS ME AND MY FELLOW PUNDITS WITH AIR TIME TO FILL, IS WHO OBAMA HAS

PICKED TO REPLACE THEM.

>> HAVE A LOOK AT THIS PICTURE.

ASK YOURSELF.

LOOK CLOSELY.

WHAT'S MISSING?

>> DO YOU NOTICE SOMETHING?

THERE ARE NO WOMEN IN THE PICTURE.

>> WHERE HAVE THE WOMEN GONE?

>> IT SHOWS THE PRESIDENT WITH SENIOR ADVISERS IN THE OVAL OFFICE, ALL OF THEM ARE MALE.

>> Stephen: THOSE FOUR WHITE GUYS ARE RIGHT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THIS IS THE 21st CENTURY.

WHEN FILLING HIS CABINET, THERE'S ONLY ONE QUESTION HE SHOULD BE ASKING:

>> HEY, WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT?

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE.

FOLKS, LOOK.

THIS PICTURE IS DAMNING.

AND I DON'T CARE IF 43% OF OBAMA'S APPOINTEES HAVE BEEN WOMEN.

THEY'RE NOT IN THIS PHOTO.

I LIVE BY ONE RULE.

IF I CAN'T SEE IT, IT DOES NOT EXIST-- OH, MY GOD!

WHERE'S MY HAND?!

OHH.

I THOUGHT OBAMA TOOK IT.

DON'T EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OF COURSE, OBAMA'S NOT LETTING ME DOWN.

I LOVE WHITE MEN.

I SLEEP WITH ONE EVERY NIGHT THAT I KNOW OF.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NO, FOLKS, I'M HEARTBROKEN FOR MY LIBERAL FRIENDS.

AND SO IS FORMER GOVERNOR AND FORMERLY RELEVANT MIKE HUCKABEE,

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHO WAS PUBLICALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM ON HIS RADIO SHOW.

>> NOW A LOT OF THOSE FEMALES WHO SUPPORTED BARACK OBAMA ARE SCRATCHING THEIR HEADS, AND

THEY'RE SAYING, "WHOA! HOW COME THERE IS SO MUCH TESTOSTERONE IN THE OBAMA CABINET AND SO LITTLE

ESTROGEN?""

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Stephen: YES, HUCKABEE AND HUCKA-ME ARE OUTRAGED ON BEHALF OF YOU ESTROGEN SOAKED FEMALES.

BECAUSE OBAMA'S NOT TURNING OUT THE WAY YOU WANTED HIM TO.

IF ANYTHING, HE'S TURNING OUT THE WAY WE WANT HIM TO.

AND THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU FURIOUS THAT WE'RE DELIGHTED THAT YOU'RE ANGRY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW IN TERMS OF DIVERSITY, THE FIRST LADY IS AN AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMAN, BUT WHO KNOWS IF

SHE'S STAYING?

THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING, SHE LEAVES AND THE PRESIDENT REPLACES HER WITH LARRY SUMMERS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HOW DOES HE GET THOSE AMAZING ARMS?

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THE PROBLEM HERE IS NOT JUST THAT THEY'RE WHITE MEN.

IT'S WHICH WHITE MEN.

AS YOU KNOW, TREASURY SECRETARY TIMOTHY GEITHNER IS STEPPING DOWN TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS FOREHEAD.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOLKS --

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND WHO IS OBAMA PICKING TO REPLACE HIM?

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA NOMINATED JACK LEW AS A PRESIDENTRY SECRETARY.

>> JACK LEW WHO?

>> JACK LEW.

WHO IS JACK LEW?

WHO IS THAT?

>> Stephen: YEAH, WHO IS THAT?

JACK LEW.

'CUZ I DON'T KNOW WHO JACK LEW IS-- AND NEITHER DO YOU.

THAT'S NOT A PICTURE OF JACK LEW.

THIS IS, AND YOU DIDN'T NOTICE.

YOU RACIST.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FOLKS, THERE'S BIG PROBLEMS WITH THIS GUY.

>> HEARD THE DISCUSSION THAT REPUBLICANS REALLY JUST DON'T GET ALONG WITH THIS GUY, THEY

DON'T AGREE WITH HIS PHILOSOPHY, THEY THINK HE'S REALLY HARD TO DEAL WITH IN NEGOTIATION.

>> Stephen: NO NO, JIMMY-- -- NO, NO, THE BIG PROBLEM.

>> THERE'S JACK LEW'S SIGNATURE.

>> Stephen: FOLKS, ONCE LEW'S TREASURY SECRETARY, THIS PUBIC HAIR MASQUERADING AS AN

AUTOGRAPH WILL APPEAR ON ALL OUR MONEY, OKAY?

MAKING OUR CURRENCY A LAUGHINGSTOCK.

OUR MONEY SHOULD HAVE NOTHING RIDICULOUS ON IT, JUST OLD MEN IN WIGS AND PYRAMIDS WITH EYES.

IS THIS EVEN A SIGNATURE OR DID HE START DRAWING CHARLIE BROWN AND GIVE UP AFTER THE HAIR?

[ LAUGHTER ]

GOOD GRIEF.

AND IT GOT NO BETTER WHEN LEW EXPLAINED HIS FISCAL PHILOSOPHY, SAYING QUOTE "I DESCRIBE BUDGETS

AS A TAPESTRY: WHEN IT'S WOVEN TOGETHER, THE PICTURE AMOUNTS TO OUR HOPES AND DREAMS OF A

NATION."

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

DIDN'T GET A WORD OF THAT.

FOLKS, THE UNITED STATES DOLLAR BILL DESERVES A SIGNATURE WORTHY OF A GREAT NATION.

SO TO PRESERVE THE VALUE OF THE MONEY, I WANT YOU TO SEND IT TO ME.

I'LL ERASE HIS SIGNATURE AND REPLACE IT WITH MINE, AND THEN RETURN IT TO YOU, MINUS A SMALL

HANDLING FEE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

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