Donald Trump's October Surprise Extension

  • Aired:  10/31/12
  •  | Views: 112,728

Donald Trump responds to Hurricane Sandy's vast devastation by granting President Obama a few extra hours to photocopy his college records. (3:39)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

FOLKS, YOU KNOW, WHEN A DISASTER LIKE HURRICANE SANDY STRIKES, PEOPLE ARE IN DESPERATE NEED OF ANY KIND OF COMFORT AND IN THIS

INCREASINGLY SECULAR AND CYNICAL AGE TOO OFTEN OUR COMMUNITIES AND CHURCHES CAN'T PROVIDE IT.

THANKFULLY IN TIMES OF TRIAL WE ALWAYS HAVE DONALD TRUMP'S TWITTER FEED.

(LAUGHTER) YOU MAY RECALL LAST WEEK WHEN TRUMP MADE THIS GENEROUS OFFER.

>> IF BARACK OBAMA OPENS UP AND GIVES HIS COLLEGE RECORDS AND APPLICATIONS AND IF HE GIVES HIS

PASSPORT APPLICATIONS AND RECORDSLY GIVE TO A CHARITY OF HIS CHOICE A CHECK IMMEDIATELY FOR $5 MILLION.

ONE CAVEAT.

THE RECORDS MUST BE GIVEN BY OCTOBER 31 AT 5:00 IN THE AFTERNOON.

>> Stephen: NOW THAT HEARTWARMING ACT OF EXTORTION GOT LOST IN THE MASSIVE HUMAN TRAGEDY OF THIS STORM.

AND TRUMP IS NO MONSTER, FOLKS, HE KNOWS PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING TOO MUCH RIGHT NOW TO PAY ATTENTION TO HIS HOMEMADE

YOUTUBE VIDEOS.

(LAUGHTER) THAT'S WHY IN THE FACE OF THIS BIBLICAL DISASTER, OF THIS MASSIVE SUFFERING HE'S DOING THE

RIGHT THING, TAKING THIS THAT $5 MILLION OFFER AND EXTENDING IT UNTIL NOON ON THURSDAY.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) YOU HEAR THAT?

YOU HEAR THAT MR. PRESIDENT?

YOU CAN BREATHE EASY!

DONALD TRUMP HAS GIVEN YOU AN EXTRA 19 HOURS TO DEAL WITH THE LARGEST ATLANTIC HURRICANE ON RECORD AFFECTING MILLIONS OF

AMERICANS ALONG 800 MILES OF COASTLINE AND THEN PHOTOCOPY YOUR COLLEGE RECORDS.

I THINK THEY'RE IN THE HAUL CLOSET TOP SHELF NEXT TO YOUR NOBEL PRIZE.

(LAUGHTER) WELL, FOLKS, LAST WEEK I WAS SO INSPIRED BY DONALD TRUMP'S CHARITY THREAT THAT I MADE ONE

OF MY OWN.

MR. TRUMP, I WILL WRITE YOU A CHECK FOR $1 MILLION IF YOU WILL LET ME DIP MY BALLS IN YOUR MOUTH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NOW I DID NOT HEAR BACK FROM DONALD BEFORE MY DEADLINE OF 5:00 TODAY BUT FOLLOWING THE

LEAD OF MY FUTURE JOE TOM HOLSTER -- (LAUGHTER) -- I AM PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT I TOO, AM EXTENDING MY OFFER TO

DIP MY BALLS IN TRUMP'S MOUTH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) BY THE WAY, MY BALLS?

ALSO EXTENDED.

(LAUGHTER) MR. TRUMP, YOU NOW HAVE UNTIL NOON ON THURSDAY AND, SIR, I WILL BE GENTLE, I WILL TAKE MY

TIME LOWERING THEM IN AS IF I WERE INTRODUCING A TROPICAL FISH INTO NEW AQUARIUM.

(LAUGHTER) IT TAKES TIME.

THEY HAVE TO ACCLIMATE TO THEIR NEW ENVIRONMENT.

AGAIN, SIR, LET'S DO THIS FOR THE KIDS.

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO HELP THE KIDS OR ANYONE ELSE, PLEASE GO TO redcross.org AND GIVE GENEROUSLY.

TOGETHER WE CAN OVERCOME THIS DISASTER.

ALSO, THE HURRICANE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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