Tip/Wag - Tea Party Nation Pledge & Spirit Airlines' Ad Revenue

  • Aired:  10/20/11
  •  | Views: 29,290

The Tea Party Nation asks its members to pledge not to hire employees, and Spirit Airlines turns jets into flying billboards. (4:05)

HOLE, TONY BLAIR.

(LAUGHTER)

NATION, IT'S NOT MY JOB TO TELL

YOU WHAT TO THINK; IT'S MORE OF

A HOBBY.

THIS IS "TIP OF THE HAT, WAG OF

THE FINGER."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FIRST UP, FOLKS, IT IS NO SECRET

THAT BARACK OBAMA IS DESTROYING

THIS COUNTRY SINGLE-HANDEDLY.

AND I'M PRETTY SURE THE OTHER

HAND IS DOING SOMETHING GAY TO

YOUR GUN.

THE GOOD NEWS IS, ACCORDING TO

RASMUSSEN, IF THE ELECTION WERE

HELD TODAY BARACK OBAMA WOULD

LOSE TO HERMAN CAIN.

BETWEEN NOW AND NEXT NOVEMBER,

THE ONLY THING THAT COULD GO

WRONG IS IF SOMETHING GOES

RIGHT.

THAT'S WHY I'M GIVING A BIG TIP

OF MY HAT TO THE TEA PARTY

NATION.

ON TUESDAY, THE FOR-PROFIT GRASS

ROOTS GROUP E-MAILED ALL 30,000

OF ITS MEMBERS ASKING THEM TO

TAKE THE FOLLOWING PLEDGE.

"I, AN AMERICAN SMALL-BUSINESS

OWNER, PART OF THE CLASS THAT

PRODUCES THE VAST MAJORITY OF

REAL WEALTH-PRODUCING JOBS IN

THIS COUNTRY, HEREBY RESOLVE

THAT I WILL NOT HIRE A SINGLE

PERSON UNTIL THIS WAR AGAINST

BUSINESS AND MY COUNTRY IS

STOPPED."

(LAUGHTER)

AMEN.

FOLKS, WITH AMERICANS HURTING,

SOMETHING MUST BE DONE.

THAT SOMETHING-- NOTHING.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT SADLY, NOTHING MAY NOT BE

ENOUGH.

TO ENSURE OBAMA'S DEFEAT, I CALL

ON ALL AMERICANS, NOT ONLY NOT

TO HIRE EACH OTHER, BUT TO

ACTIVELY DRIVE THE ECONOMY OFF A

CLIFF WHERE IT WILL PLUNGE DOWN

TO THE CANYON FLOOR OF LIBERTY.

(LAUGHTER)

THEY'LL SAY "OH BUT STEVEN, THIS

IS MY BUSINESS.

I WANT IT TO DO WELL.

AND I MAY HAVE TO HIRE PEOPLE."

WELL, STOP BEING SO SELFISH.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE FUTURE

OF THIS COUNTRY--SUCCESS IS NOT

AN OPTION.

AMERICANS HAVE ALWAYS ACHIEVED

GREATNESS BY WORKING TOGETHER,

AND NOW WE MUST UNITE AGAIN TO

ENSURE A BRIGHTER TOMORROW BY

WORKING TOGETHER TO ENSURE A

( BLEEP ) TODAY.

(LAUGHTER)

FINALLY--

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FINALLY, FOLKS, I LOVE AIR

TRAVEL.

I BOOK FLIGHTS ALL THE TIME.

ESPECIALLY WHEN I FORGET TO TiVO

RERUNS OF "THE BIG BANG THEORY."

THAT ROUND TRIP TO AUTOMATICLAND

CAUGHT ME UP ON SEASONS TWO AND

THREE.

AND I AM ALWAYS EXCITED BY THE

LATEST COST-SAVING MEASURES OF

OUR FLYING PEOPLE TUBES.

FROM CUTTING IN-FLIGHT MEALS TO

REMOVING BATHROOMS TO BEING-- I

DON'T KNOW HOW THEY GET THAT BUS

OFF THE GROUND.

WELL, TONIGHT I'M GIVING A TIP

OF MY HAT TO SPIRIT AIRLINES FOR

CREATING A NEW REVENUE STREAM.

FOR $14 MILLION, A COMPANY CAN

ADVERTISE FOR A YEAR ON THE

EXTERIOR OF EVERY SPIRIT

AIRLINES JET.

THEY'RE TURNING JETS IT INTO

FLYING BILLBOARDS.

AND FINALLY REACHED COVETED

DEMOGRAPHIC OF 18 TO 34-YEAR-OLD

MALE GEESE.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW FOLKS, I'M HAPPY TO REPORT

THE AD-VERTUNITIES DO NOT END

THERE BECAUSE SPIRIT IS SELLING

AD SPACE ON OVERHEAD BINS, TRAY

TABLES, AND AIR SICKNESS BAG.

THAT IS GENIUS.

NOW, WHEN PASSENGERS VOMIT,

THEY'LL BE REMINDED OF CINNABON

TWICE.

( LAUGHTER )

BUT I SAY, WHY TOP THERE?

WHY NOT REPLACE THE PILOT AND

COPILOT WITH CAPTAIN MORGAN AND

CAPTAIN CRUNCH.

PART OF A COMPLETE BREAKFAST.

(LAUGHTER)

AND FOLKS, WHEN THE CABIN LOSES

PRESSURE, JUST DROP AN AD FOR

THE OXYGEN NETWORK.

REMEMBER, MARKET TO YOURSELF

FIRST BEFORE MARKETING TO YOUR

CHILDREN.

(LAUGHTER)

AND WHY LIMIT THE NONSTOP

AD-SLAUGHT TO PLANES.

ISN'T IT TIME THAT TSA AGENTS

USED THE HAMBURGER HELPER HAND

TO CONDUCT CAVITY SEARCHES?

RELAX, IT'S ONLY THREE FINGERS.

AND HE'S SO HAPPY ABOUT IT.

WE'LL BE RIG

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