CNN-Tea Party Republican Debate

  • Aired:  09/13/11
  •  | Views: 62,139

Debates are supposed to help Americans find the Republican presidential candidate, but instead they found the running mate. (3:24)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: YES!

YES!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU.

(CROWD CHANTING "STEPHEN")

)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> THANK YOU!

I WANT TO THANK YOU.

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR

UNINTELLIGIBLE ARGLE BARGLE.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US AT THE

"REPORT."

WE HAVE A LOT OF SHOW TO GET TO,

FOLKS.

TONIGHT I HAVE NOT ONE, NOT

THREE BUT TWO NOBEL PRIZE

WINNERS AS MY GUEST.

PAUL KRUGMAN AND VICE PRESIDENT

AL GORE.

JUST WATCHING TONIGHT'S

BROADCAST QUALIFIES YOU FOR A

BACHELOR'S DEGREE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WHICH, IN TURN, QUALIFIES YOU

FOR NOTHING.

(LAUGHTER)

SPEAKING OF QUALIFIED FOR

NOTHING, WOLF BLITZER.

(LAUGHTER)

LAST NIGHT, WOLF HOSTED A CNN

TEA PARTY PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

WHERE HE TRIED TO AMBUSH RON

PAUL BY ASKING WHETHER SOCIETY

SHOULD PAY FOR SOMEONE IN A COMA

WHO DOESN'T HAVE INSURANCE.

>> THAT'S WHAT FREEDOM IS ALL

ABOUT, TAKING YOUR OWN RISKS.

THIS WHOLE IDEA THAT YOU HAVE TO

PREPARE AND TAKE CARE OF

EVERYBODY...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> ARE YOU SAYING THAT SOCIETY

SHOULD JUST LET HIM DIE?

>> NO...

>> YES!

>> YES!

>> Stephen: YEAH!

(LAUGHTER)

I SAY WE PERSONALLY TELL THAT

STUPID COMA GUY TO SUCK IT!

(LAUGHTER)

IN MORSE CODE HAND SQUEEZES.

OH, THEY'RE IN THERE.

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE, THIS IS STONE-HEARTED

REALISM AND IT'S A PROVEN CROWD

PLEASER AT G.O.P. DEBATES.

>> GOVERNOR PERRY, QUESTION

ABOUT TEXAS.

YOUR STATE HAS EXECUTED 234

DEATH ROW INMATES, MORE THAN ANY

OTHER GOVERNOR IN MODERN TIMES.

HAVE YOU...

(APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WHAT!

WHAT!

WHOO!

234!

HE'S THE BARRY BONDS OF

EXECUTIONS!

(LAUGHTER)

OH, GOD, OH, GOD, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I HOPE PERRY HASN'T BEEN

JUICING.

I WOULD HATE FOR THOSE DEATHS TO

BE TAINTED.

NATION, THESE DEBATES ARE

SUPPOSED TO HELP US FIND THE

REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL

CANDIDATE, BUT THEY HAVE ALREADY

HELPED US TO FIND HIS RUNNING

MATE-- THE GRIM REAPER.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S RIGHT, THE ANGEL OF

DEATH.

CLEARLY HE IS POPULAR WITH THE

G.O.P. BASE THIS YEAR.

HE'S GOT ALL THE QUALIFICATIONS

THEY'RE LOOKING FOR: HE'S OLD

AND BONE WHITE.

(LAUGHTER)

HE'S PACKING A WEAPON.

HE'S GOT AN INCREDIBLE WAR

RECORD.

AND BELIEVE ME, NO ONE WANTS TO

GET RID OF OBAMACARE MORE THAN

THIS GUY.

PLUS HE IS A CLOSE SECOND TO

RICK PERRY IN EXECUTIONS.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT DON'T WORRY, MITT ROMNEY, IF

THE GRIM REPUBLICER IS IN

PERRY'S CAMP, YOU'VE STILL GOT

Loading...