Mitt Romney's & Rick Santorum's Michigan Campaigns

  • Aired:  02/27/12
  •  | Views: 24,736

Mitt Romney connects with empty seats, and Rick Santorum promotes the real American Dream of future generations having less opportunity. (6:57)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: YOU'RE VERY KIND!

WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

WHY NOT?

NATION, TOMORROW IS THE MICHIGAN

PRIMARY AND MITT ROMNEY KNOWS

HE'S GOT TO WIN IT.

SO ON FRIDAY HE GAVE THE SPEECH

OF A LIFETIME AT DETROIT'S FORD

FIELD.

>> G.O.P. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

MITT ROMNEY'S BIG ECONOMIC

SPEECH IN DETROIT WAS DWARFED

AND OVERSHADOWED BY ITS

LOCATION-- FORD FIELD.

WHILE ROMNEY DREW A CROWD OF

ABOUT 1,200 PEOPLE YESTERDAY,

THE 65,000 EMPTY STADIUM

SEATS... WELL, KIND OF HARD NOT

TO NOTICE THOSE

>> YEAH, THERE WERE A LOT OF

EMPTY SEATS BUT THE IMPORTANT

THING IS MITT REALLY CONNECTED

WITH THOSE EMPTY SEATS BY ALSO

BEING PLASTIC AND UNCOMFORTABLE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HE'S BACK.

JIM?

>> THIS FEELS GOOD BEING BACK IN

MICHIGAN.

YOU KNOW, THE TREES ARE THE

RIGHT HEIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: ONCE AGAIN, ROMNEY

IS THE ONLY ONE WITH THE COURAGE

TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE OF MICHIGAN

TREE HEIGHTS.

(LAUGHTER)

MEANWHILE OBAMA REMAINS

SUSPICIOUSLY SILENT ON OUR

NATIONAL TREE ALTITUDE

CONTROVERSY.

DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THOSE

SEQUOIAS IN CALIFORNIA.

LOOK, I'M FLATTERED BUT I'M NOT

INTO THAT LIFE-STYLE.

THEN TO CLINCH THE CRUCIAL

MICHIGAN PRIMARY MITT WENT TO

FLORIDA TO SEE THE DAYTONA 500

WHERE HE PROVES HE'S JUST AN

AVERAGE MOTOR HEAD.

LISTEN TO HIM GUSH ON LOCAL

RADIO ABOUT CLOSELY HE FOLLOWS

NASCAR.

>> NOT AS CLOSELY AS SOME OF THE

MOST ARDENT FANS BUT I HAVE SOME

GREAT FRIENDS THAT ARE NASCAR

TEAM OWNERS.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Stephen: WE ALL KNOW THAT

FEELING!

WE ALL THAT FEELING.

WHAT YOUNG NASCAR FAN DOESN'T

HAVE HIS BEDROOM WALL PLASTERED

WITH POSTERS OF OWNER JACK

ROUSH?

(LAUGHTER)

THE ROUSHTER!

FOLKS, THIS IS THE TICKET FOR

ROMNEY.

IF HE WANTS TO WIN, DHOSHD MORE

OF THIS REGULAR GUY STUFFBHAT

HE OBVIOUSLY LOVES.

I MEAN, HE SHOULD EAT HOT DOGS

AND SAY "I LOVE HOT DOGS,

THEY'RE JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH."

(LAUGHTER)

"THE MUSTARD IS YELLOW.

THAT'S THE RIGHT COLOR.

THE BUN HAS THE RIGHT BRED DI

THEN HE SHOULD MENTION HE GOES

YACHTING WITH HIS FRIEND

CARLISLE HOT DOG, IV, THE GREAT

GRANDSON OF THE INVENTOR OF THE

HOT DOG.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT AS GREAT AS ROMNEY DID, RICK

SANTORUM IS CONFIDENT.

HE'S ALREADY LOOKING PAST

MICHIGAN TO HIS REAL OPPONENT,

PRESIDENT OBAMA.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA ONCE SAID HE

WANTS EVERYBODY IN AMERICA TO GO

TO COLLEGE.

WHAT A SNOB!

(LAUGHTER)

THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE WHO GO

OUT AND WORK HARD EVERYDAY AND

PUT THEIR SKILLS TO TASK THAT

AREN'T TAUGHT BY SOME LIBERAL

COLLEGE PROFESSOR TRYING TO

INDOCTRINATE THEM.

>> Stephen: YEAH, WHAT A SNOB.

OBAMA THINKS EVERYBODY SHOULD GO

TO COLLEGE LIKE HE DID.

WELL, PARDON ME, YOUR HIGHNESS,

BUT SOME OF US WEREN'T HANDED A

TICKET TO HARVARD BY BEING THE

BIRACIAL SON OF A SINGLE MOTHER

ON FOOD STAMPS.

(LAUGHTER)

MUST BE NICE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SANTORUM THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

RICK SANTORUM UNDERSTANDS THE

REAL AMERICAN DREAM-- THAT IF

YOU WORK HARD ENOUGH YOUR

CHILDREN CAN HAVE FEWER

OPPORTUNITIES THAN YOU DID.

(LAUGHTER)

AND SANTORUM KNOWS SOMETHING

EVEN MORE DANGEROUS ABOUT

COLLEGE THAN THE RISK THAT OUR

CHILDREN MIGHT SUCCEED.

JIM?

>> 62% OF KIDS WHO ENTER COLLEGE

WITH SOME SORT OF COMMITMENT

LEAVE WITHOUT IT.

>> Stephen: NOW I HAVE NO IDEA

IF THAT'S A REAL STATISTIC SO

I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT ON FAITH

THAT HE DIDN'T YANK THAT OUT OF

HIS ASS.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I'LL LET SOME COLLEGE GRAD LOOK

IT UP ON HIS FANCY INTERNET.

(LAUGHTER)

THE POINT IS, A PERSON OF FAITH

CANNOT GO TO COLLEGE WITHOUT

LOSING THEIR BELIEF IN GOD.

I MEAN, LOOK AT RICK SANTORUM.

HE HAS A BACHELOR'S DEGREE, AN

M.B.A. AND A LAW DEGREE.

HE'S LOMB ALMOST COMPLETELY LOST

HIS FAITH.

HE ENROLLED AS A FRESHMEN AT

PENN STATE HE WAS A 14th CENTURY

MONK.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S NOT JUST FOUR-YEAR COLLEGES

FOLKS.

OUR GODLESS PRESIDENT OVER HERE

HAS BEEN PUSHING A PLAN TO SEND

YOUNG PEOPLE TO ALL SORTS OF

ATHEIST IVORY TOWER

INSTITUTIONS.

>> TONIGHT I ASK EVERY AMERICAN

TO COMMIT TO AT LEAST ONE YEAR

OR MORE OF HIGHER EDUCATION OR

CAREER TRAINING.

IT CAN BE A COMMUNITY COLLEGE OR

A FOUR-YEAR SCHOOL.

VOCATIONAL TRAINING OR

APPRENTICESHIP.

>> Stephen: VOCATIONAL TRAINING?

HOW DARE YOU, SIR?

YOU WANT TO SEND OUR GOOD

GOD-FEARING CHILDREN TO I.T.T.

AND THEY'LL COME BACK AS TRUTH

SPOUTING ATHEIST GAY TRUCK

MECHANICS.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I AM DEALING WITH THIS PROBLEM

RIGHT NOW.

MY FURNACE IN THE STUDIO HAS

BEEN ON THE FRITZ SO I HAD TO

CALL IN ONE OF THESE RADICAL

LEFTIST REPAIRMEN.

HANK, HOW'S IT GOING OVER THERE?

>> HELLO, LITTLE GOD-MAN.

ARE YOU ANXIOUS FOR YOUR MAGIC

HOT-AIR MACHINE TO WORK AGAIN?

PERHAPS YOU SHOULD PRAY TO THE

INVISIBLE BEARDED FATHER IN THE

SKY.

>> Stephen: HANK, YOU WERE A

DEVOUT BAPTIST BEFORE YOU WENT

TO TRADE SCHOOL.

>> OH, YES, BUT UPON LEARNING

THE NUANCES OF H.V.A.C.-- THAT'S

HEATING, VENTILATING AND AIR KK

TO THE UNINITIATED-- THE IDEA OF

AN OMNISCIENT CLOUD MAN SEEMED

QUAINT.

IT IS SCIENCE NOT YAHWEH THAT

COOLS YOU IN THE SUMMER AND

HEATS YOU IN THE WINTER

>> I KNOW THAT, HANK, BUT

H.V.A.C. DOESN'T EXPLAIN ALL THE

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE?

>> I WAS ONCE LIKE YOU-- DRUNK

ON THE OPIATE OF THE MASSES.

THEN TWO YEARS PLUS EVENINGS AND

WEEKENDS AS DEVRY REVEALED THE

EMPTINESS BEHIND YOUR RELIGIOUS

DELUSIONS.

(LAUGHTER)

GOD IS DEAD AND BASE BOARD

HEATING IS AN ABOMINATION!

(LAUGHTER)

>> SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH MY

THERMOSTAT.

>> GOD ONLY KNOWS.

>> Stephen: THANKS, HANK, WE'LL

BE RIGHT BACK.

(CH

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