Conservative Victory Project

  • Aired:  02/12/13
  •  | Views: 19,600

The Tea Party isn't going to take Karl Rove's Stab-You-in-the-Back Super PAC lying down; they will charge ahead with even more conservative positions. (5:05)

SO, REPUBLICANS HAVE GOT 2014 IN THE BAG.

OR THEY WOULD, IF NOT FOR POLITICAL STRATEGIST AND UNLANCED BOIL KARL ROVE.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU SEE, INSTEAD OF JOINING HIS FELLOW REPUBLICANS IN LEARNING NOTHING FROM THE LAST ELECTION,

KARL HAS TURNED ON THEM.

>> KARL ROVE LAUNCHING AN EFFORT CALLED THE CONSERVATIVE VICTORY PROJECT-- TO KEEP LESS-ELECTABLE

CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS FROM WINNING PRIMARIES.

>> ROVE ANNOUNCED HIS NEW SUPER PAC AIMED AT CRUSHING TEA PARTY REPUBLICANS.

>> OUR JOB IS TO WIN RACES BY STOPPING THE PRACTICE OF GIVING AWAY SOME OF THE SEATS LIKE WE

DID IN MISSOURI AND INDIANA THIS PAST YEAR.

>> Stephen: KARL'S BOGUS CLAIM IS THAT TEA PARTIERS COST REPUBLICANS WINNABLE RACES BY

BACKING POLARIZING CANDIDATES, LIKE TODD "LEGITIMATE RAPE" AKIN, AND RICHARD "SOMEHOW EVEN

WORSE ON RAPE" MOURDOCK.

[LAUGHTER]

MEANWHILE, THE MANATEE WITH THE PLAN-ATEE WANTS THE PARTY TO GET BEHIND THE KIND OF MAINSTREAM,

ELECTABLE REPUBLICANS HE'S BACKED LIKE NEAR-WINNER CONNIE MACK, STRONG RUNNER-UP LINDA MCMAHON,

SO-CLOSE-BUT-DIDN'T-GET-IT GEORGE ALLEN,

[LAUGHTER]

GOT-HIS-FINE-WHITE-ASS-HANDED-TO -HIM SCOTT BROWN, AND OF COURSE THAT GUY.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT'S HIS NAME?

I JUST AH -- BLAKE LIVELY!?

I'M NOT --

[LAUGHTER]

ROVE'S ALREADY GOT THE KNIVES OUT FOR TWO TEA PARTY SENATE HOPEFULS: IOWA CONGRESSMAN AND ALLEGED

CORN-PACKER, STEVE KING,

[LAUGHTER]

AND GEORGIA CONGRESSMAN PAUL BROUN, WHO, DESPITE BEING A MEDICAL DOCTOR, SAID THIS:

>> GOD'S WORD IS TRUE.

I'VE COME TO UNDERSTAND THAT.

ALL THAT STUFF I WAS TAUGHT ABOUT EVOLUTION, EMBRYOLOGY, BIG BANG THEORY, ALL THAT IS LIES

STRAIGHT FROM THE PIT OF HELL.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Stephen: AND PAUL BROUN KNOWS PITS OF HELL BECAUSE THAT IS EVIDENTLY WHERE HE'S SPEAKING FROM.

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, THE TEA PARTY ISN'T GOING TO TAKE KARL'S NEW STAB-YOU-IN-THE-BACK SUPERPAC

LYING DOWN.

TEA PARTY ACTIVIST ERICK ERICKSON SAYS, "I DARE SAY ANY CANDIDATE WHO GETS THIS GROUP'S SUPPORT SHOULD

BE TARGETED FOR DESTRUCTION BY THE CONSERVATIVE MOVEMENT." THAT'S RIGHT, KARL.

YOU CROSS THE TEA PARTY AND YOU COULD END UP LIKE THE LAST CANDIDATE THEY TARGETED FOR

DESTRUCTION BARACK OBAMA.

[LAUGHTER]

HMM.

THINK ABOUT IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

CLEARLY -- CLEARLY, THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS TEARING ITSELF IN HALF.

I GUESS NOBODY REMEMBERS THIS GUY, RONALD REAGAN, THE WHITE MARCO RUBIO.

[LAUGHTER]

HE HAD A LITTLE SOMETHING CALLED "THE ELEVENTH COMMANDMENT." "THOU SHALT NOT SPEAK ILL OF ANY

FELLOW REPUBLICAN." THAT'S ALL OVER NOW AND I COULD MEAN ONLY ONE THING.

>> CIVIL WAR.

>> THE PRESIDENT OF CITIZENS UNITED DECLARED THE CIVIL WAR HAS BEGUN.

>> IT'S FULL-ON GOP WARFARE.

IT'S GOP CIVIL WAR.

>> Stephen: YES, GOP CIVIL WAR.

OF COURSE, THE FIRST THING THEY'LL HAVE TO FIGHT OVER IS WHICH SIDE GETS THE CONFEDERATE FLAG.

[LAUGHTER]

SO, AS A CONSERVATIVE, I GUESS I HAVE TO CHOOSE SIDES.

KARL AND I HAVE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES, WE BURIED THAT HOOKER.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT DEEP DOWN, MY HEART IS WITH THE TEA PARTY.

WELL, MAYBE NOT MY HEART.

WHAT ORGAN PRODUCES BILE.

GALL BLADDER, I GUESS.

I DON'T KNOW.

I BELIEVE THAT REPUBLICANS CAN NOT WUSS OUT HERE.

THEY NEED TO CHARGE AHEAD AND TAKE EVEN MORE CONSERVATIVE POSITIONS.

FORGET EMBRACING LATINOS, WE NEED A PROGRAM TO SHOOT THEM INTO SPACE.

[LAUGHTER]

LET'S GIVE THEM A PATHWAY TO LOW ORBIT.

GAYS SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO MARRY, OR VOTE.

I FOR ONE DON'T WANT SLOPPY SECONDS ON THEIR LEVER-YANKING.

AND I BELIEVE ALL WOMEN SHOULD HAVE MANDATORY TRANSVAGINAL ULTRASOUNDS BEFORE THEY CAN GET

A DRIVER'S LICENSE.

[LAUGHTER]

HEY, NOBODY'S HAPPY WITH THEIR PICTURE ANYWAY.

NOW ARE THESE EXTREME POSITIONS?

MAYBE.

CAN WE REALLY WIN THE ELECTION BY GIVING THE VOTERS MORE OF WHAT THEY DIDN'T WANT LAST TIME?

NO.

UNLESS WE SMILE WHEN WE SAY IT!

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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