Republican Presidential Debate Media Coverage

  • Aired:  09/08/11
  •  | Views: 35,132

All the 2012 election media coverage until now has been bulls**t, but everything from here out is crucial, life-or-death stuff. (3:50)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU VERY

MUCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN] WOW.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU SO MUCH

NATION, I KNOW WE IN THE NEWS

MEDIA HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT

THIS 2012 ELECTION SINCE 2010,

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT MONDAY WAS LABOR DAY, WHEN

WE TRADITIONALLY PUT AWAY OUR

WHITE PANTS AND TAKE OUT OUR

WHITE CANDIDATES.

JIM?

>> LABOR DAY TRADITIONALLY

THE KICKOFF TO CAMPAIGN

SEASONth LABOR DAY KICKS OFF

THE FALL CAMPAIGN SEASON.

>> LABOR DAY WEEKEND KICKS OFF

AN INTENSE, HIGH STAKES A

COMPLAIN SEASON.

>> IT'S SIGNALED THE START OF

PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN SEASON.

>> Stephen: YEAH, I ADMIT IT.

ALL THE COVERAGE UP TILL NOW HAS

BEEN (bleep).

I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU

BUT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE WATCHED!

BUT I SWEAR THAT FROM HERE ON

OUT, EVERY SECOND OF THE MEDIA'S

COVERAGE IS CRUCIAL, LIFE OR

DEATH STUFF!

[ LAUGHTER ]

CASE IN POINT, MSNBC'S BROADCAST

OF LAST NIGHT'S REPUBLICAN

PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE AT THE

RONALD REAGAN LIBRARY, WHERE THE

WALLS ARE TASTEFULLY PAINTED

WITH THE BLOOD OF NICARAGUAN

CONTRAS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, THE CANDIDATES STOOD

bENEATH THE AIR FORCE ONE THAT

RONALD REAGAN USED TO PERSONALLY

PILOT STEERING WITH HIS BALLS.

FOR THE RECORD, THE REAGAN

LIBRARY IS THE ONLY ONE WHERE

YOU CAN CHECK OUT A 747.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU JUST HAVE TO STAMP THE

SIGN-OUT CARD ON THE TAIL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOLKS, THIS DEBATE WAS SO

IMPORTANT THAT I DID SOMETHING

MOST AMERICANS WOULD BE ASHAMED

TO ADMIT:

I WATCHED MSNBC.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OF COURSE, I DIDN'T LOOK

DIRECTLY AT THE SCREEN.

LIKE A SOLAR ECLIPSE, I WATCHED

THROUGH A PINHOLE IN A PIECE OF

CARDBOARD -- WHICH PROJECTED ON

YOUR HAND LIKE THAT WATCH HERE

LIKE THAT

WHICH HAD THE ADDED BENEFIT OF

NOT BLINDING ME WHEN nEWT

GINGRICH'S HEAD BLOTTED OUT THE

SUN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND FOLKS, THIS DEBATE PROVED

ANY ONE OF THESE PEOPLE COULD BE

A BETTER PRESIDENT THAN

lAME-DUCK FAIL-BAMA.

[ LAUGHTER ]

TRADEMARK.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, JUST LOOK AT THE MAN I USED

TO ENDORSE BEFORE HE CANCELLED

COMING ON MY SHOW: HERMAN CAIN.

THE CAIN TRAIN DELIVERED A BOLD

IDEA ON HOW TO FIX SOCIAL

SECURITY.

>> SOCIAL SECURITY, IT NEEDS

FIXING, NOT CONTINUING TO TALK

ABOUT IT.

I BELIEVE IN THE CHILEAN MODEL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Stephen: NOW, I HAVE TO

ADMIT, I WAS NOT AWARE OF THE

CHILEAN MODEL.

SO I PUT THE WORDS "CHILEAN

MODEL" INTO GOOGLE IMAGES, AND

LET ME TELL YOU, I LIKED WHAT I

SAW.

VERY FIRM PLANS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND CAIN WASN'T THE ONLY ONE

WITH GREAT IDEAS.

LISTEN TO TEXAS CONGRESSMAN AND

DEADWOOD ANGRY TOWNSMAN RON

PAUL.

>> DO YOU ADVOCATE GETTING RID

OF THE MINIMUM WAGE?

WOULD THAT CREATE

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