Formula 4 Your Eyes Only

  • Aired:  10/11/10
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Formula 4 Your Eyes Only Invisible Spy Ink comes in printer cartridges fully loaded with boner toner. (3:43)

EVERYBODY.

THANKS VERY MUCH.

NATION, AS REGULAR VIEWERS MAY

KNOW, I AM AN AVID SPY

ENTHUSIAST.

I LOVE ALL THOSE TWISTY, TURNEY

NOVELS AND THOSE PERPLEXING

MISSING PERSON THRILLERS BY

MARTIN HANFORD.

SPOILER ALERT: NEXT TO THE

GIRAFFE.

THAT'S WHY, FOLKS, I AM SO

EXCITED ABOUT THE RELEASE OF THE

FIR-EVER AUTHORIZED HISTORY OF

MI6, WHICH IS LIKE THE C.I.A.

FOR BRITAIN, EXCEPT THEY

DESTABILIZE FOREIGN GOVERNMENTS

WITH DRY WIT.

THE BOOK IS CALLED "THE SECRET

HISTORY OF MI6: 1909 TO 1949."

IT IS FULL OF INTERESTING TID

BITS FOR THE SPY NERD, LIKE

DEBATES OVER NAZI LEADERS, THEIR

EXPERIMENTS WITH EXPLODING

FILING CABINETS AND THE FACT

THAT DURING WORLD WAR I BRITISH

AGENTS USED SEMEN AS INVISIBLE

INK, BEGGING THE QUESTION: DO

THEY NOT HAVE LEMON JUICE IN

ENGLAND?

( LAUGHTER )

NOW, I ASSUME BRITISH AGENTS USE

THE TECHNIQUE TO WRITE NOTES

LIKE "THE HUNS HAVE DISCOVERED

MY POSITION.

I FEAR THEY HEARD ME WEST WANKING."

( LAUGHTER )

THE BRITISH INTELLIGENCE AGENT

WHO FIRST CHAMPIONED THIS METHOD

IN 1915 WAS NAMED, AND I AM NOT

MAKING THIS UP, SIR MANSFIELD

CUMMING.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

THAT'S THE GUY.

WHICH I BELIEVE IS ALSO WHAT HE

YELLED WHEN PRODUCING INVISIBLE

INK.

( LAUGHTER )

THAT'S HIM IN THE MONOCLE RIGHT

THERE.

EVIDENTLY HE WENT BLIND ONE EYE

AT A TIME.

BUT IN THE BOOK, FOLKS, IN THE

BOOK, ONE AGENT RECALLS THAT ALL

WERE ANXIOUS TO OBTAIN SECRET

INK, WHICH CAME FROM A NATURAL

SOURCE OF SUPPLY.

AND AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT,

AGENTS WERE ANXIOUS FOR AN

EXCUSE TO RUB ONE OUT AT WORK.

BUT WHEN USING...

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

BUT WHEN USING THE INVISIBLE

SPINK, THE BRITISH DISCOVERED

THAT A FRESH OPERATION WAS

NECESSARY FOR EACH LETTER.

THEY ALSO DISCOVERED THEY LOVED

WRITING LETTERS.

AND KEEPING DIARIES, MAKING

SHOPPING LISTS AND PRINTING A

DAILY NEWSPAPER.

IT'S A FASCINATING BIT OF

HISTORY, FOLKS, BUT WHERE OTHERS

JUST SEE OLD D.N.A. ON A PIECE

OF PAPER, I SEE A MARKETING

OPPORTUNITY.

AND A NEW PRODUCT FROM MY LINE

OF PREMIUM MAN SEED, FORMULA

401.

THAT'S WHY FOR YOUR ESPIONAGE

PRINTING NEEDS, I AM PROUD TO

INTRODUCE, FORMULA FOR YOUR EYES

ONLY, INVISIBLE SPY INK.

IT COMES IN PRINTER CARTRIDGES

FULLY LOADED WITH BONER TONER.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

AND IT IS A GODSEND FOR LADY

SPIES WHO CANNOT PRODUCE THEIR

OWN.

WARNING, LADIES, IF USED

INCORRECTLY, THE AGENCY WILL

DISAVOW ANY INFORMANTS WHO

APPEAR NINE MONTHS LATER.

FORMULA FOR YOUR EYES ONLY,

COMPATIBLE WITH H.P., CANNON AND

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