The Word - United We Can't Stand Them

  • Aired:  04/25/12
  •  | Views: 32,617

Saving the planet by demonizing immigrants gives liberals and conservatives something they can do together. (4:59)

CAN ALL AGREE ON IS THAT HALF OF US WON'T AGREE ON EVEN THAT.

(LAUGHTER) LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES DON'T SEE EYE TO EYE ON ANYTHING.

IF FOX NEWS SAYS THAT WATER IS A LIQUID THE "NEW YORK TIMES" WILL

DO THREE COLUMNS ON HOW HYDROGEN IS A GAS AND OXYGEN IS OPENLY GAY.

(LAUGHTER) WITH NEITHER SIDE WANTING TO GIVE AN INCH, ESPECIALLY SINCE

THE LEFTIES ARE STILL TRYING TO MOVE US TO THE METRIC SYSTEM.

NOW, FORTUNATELY THERE'S A WAY TO BRIDGE THE PARTISAN DIVIDE

AND IT'S TONIGHT'S WORD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) UNITED WE CAN'T STAND THEM.

(LAUGHTER) FOLKS, IF YOU'VE SPENT ANY TIME WATCHING MSNBC LATELY, YOU

SHOULD CHANGE THE BATTERIES IN YOUR REMOTE, THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY DEAD.

(LAUGHTER) BUT IF YOU DO... IF YOU DO WATCH MSNBC, YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN THIS.

>> CONCERNED ABOUT AMERICAN'S HUGE CARBON FOOTPRINT?

YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT IMMIGRATION.

SOUND CRAZY?

IMMIGRANTS PRODUCE FOUR TIMES MORE CARBON EMISSIONS IN THE U.S. THAN IN THEIR HOME COUNTRY.

REDUCING IMMIGRATION WON'T SOLVE GLOBAL WARMING BUT IT IS PART OF A SOLUTION.

(AUDIENCE REACTS) YES, IMMIGRANTS CAUSE GLOBAL WARMING.

I NEVER NOTICED THE CONNECTION BEFORE BUT IT MAKES SENSE.

IT'S ALWAYS AN IMMIGRANT WHO'S CUTTING MY GRASS WITH THAT EXHAUST-SPEWING LAWN MOWER.

(LAUGHTER) NOT TO MENTION, FOLKS, THEIR SPACY FOOD ALWAYS INCREASES MY EMISSIONS.

(LAUGHTER) NOW, FOLKS, I DON'T BELIEVE GLOBAL WARMING EXISTS AND EVEN IF IT DOES YOU CAN NEVER

CONVINCE ME IT'S MAN MADE.

BUT NOW I KNOW IT'S CAUSED BY IMMIGRANTS.

(LAUGHTER) SAVING THE PLANET BY DEMONIZING IMMIGRANTS GIVES LIBERALS AND

CONSERVATIVES SOMETHING THEY CAN DO TOGETHER.

NOW WHEN A LIBERAL YAMMERS ON ABOUT THE RECORD HEAT WE HAD THIS WINTER, A CONSERVATIVE CAN

SAY "LET'S SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT BY BUILDING AN ELECTRIFIED BORDER FENCE THAT RUNS ON

ALTERNATIVE ENERGY." (LAUGHTER) AND, LIBERALS, LIBERALS, YOU KNOW YOU CAN TRUST THIS AD

BECAUSE THE GROUP BEHIND IT,

CALIFORNIANS FOR POPULATION STABILIZATION, SHARES YOUR CONCERNS ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.

THAT'S WHY THEIR WEB SITE TALKS ABOUT ANCHOR BABIES, THE MEXICAN

RECONQUISTA MOVEMENT TO RECLAIM CALIFORNIA AND RECYCLING, AS THEY CALL IT, BOTTLE AND CAN DEPORTATION.

(LAUGHTER) AND, FOLKS, THEY KNOW IMMIGRANTS HAVE FOUR TIMES THE CARBON

FOOTPRINT ONCE THEY GET TO THE U.S. BECAUSE OF A STUDY THAT SAYS ON AVERAGE AMERICANS BURN

MUCH MORE CARBON PER CAPITA THAN THE COUNTRY'S IMMIGRANTS TYPICALLY COME FROM SO ANY

IMMIGRANT WHO COMES TO OUR COUNTRY IS IMMEDIATELY ONE OF THE WORST POLLUTERS ON THE PLANET!

(LAUGHTER) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AGAIN,

LEFTY ENVIRONMENTALISTS, YOU CAN TRUST THIS STUDY BECAUSE IT CAME FROM THE CENTER FOR IMMIGRATION

STUDIES WHICH WAS FOUNDED BY JOHN CANTON WHO, ACCORDING TO THE SOUTHERN POVERTY LAW CENTER

HAS FOR DECADES BEEN AT THE HEART OF THE WHITE NATIONALIST SCENE AND HAS MET WITH LEADING

WHITE SUPREMACISTS.

(AUDIENCE REACTS) I'M SURE HE'S JUST PRESSURING THE KLAN TO MAKE THEIR CROSS

BURNINGS CARBON NEUTRAL.

(LAUGHTER) I SAY... FOLKS... I SAY WHY STOP WITH GLOBAL WARMING.

THERE ARE SO MANY PROBLEMS ON WHICH CONSERVATIVES AND LIBERALS CAN COME TOGETHER TO BLAME IMMIGRANTS.

FOR INSTANCE, LIBERALS, LISTEN UP.

ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT OUR LAX GUN LAWS?

YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT IMMIGRATION.

DID YOU KNOW THAT WHEN IMMIGRANTS COME TO AMERICA THEY CAN WALTZ INTO ANY GUN SHOW AND

BUY A FIREARM WITH NO WAITING PERIOD OR BACKGROUND CHECK?

(LAUGHTER) AND LIBERALS, LET ME ASK YOU THIS.

ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT POVERTY?

THEN YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT IMMIGRATION.

DID YOU KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT THEIR ECONOMIC STATUS BACK HOME,

23% OF NON-NATURALIZED IMMIGRANTS HERE LIVE BELOW THE POVERTY LINE.

I THINK WE FINALLY DID SOMETHING TO HELP THE POOR... BY SENDING THEM AWAY.

(LAUGHTER) SO LIBERALSS, LIBERALS,

CONSERVATIVES, LET'S MAKE SURE AMERICA CONTINUES TO BE A COUNTRY PEOPLE STRIVE TO COME TO

BY TAKING OUT THE PEOPLE WHO CAME HERE.

BECAUSE ONLY BY FINDING SOMEONE WE CAN BLAME FOR THE ISSUES THAT DIVIDE US COULD AMERICANS EVER

HOPE TO COME TOGETHER TO NOT ADDRESS THEM.

(LAUGHTER) AND THAT'S THE WORD.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)