The Pope's Secret Life

  • Aired:  12/03/13
  •  | Views: 47,334

Reports surface that Pope Francis has been secretly sneaking out at night to help the homeless. (2:12)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THEREPORT.

THANK YOU.

>> STEPHEN! STEPHEN! STEPHEN!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> YEAH, I I'M ANGRY TOO.

>> AS AMERICA'S MOST FAMOUSCATHOLIC, FOLKS, YOU KNOW I HAVE

TRIED TO CUT THE "NEW POPE" OVERHERE SOME SLACK.

I WASN'T THRILLED WHEN HE WASHEDTHE FEET OF MUSLIM CRIMINALS,

KISSED THE UNINSURED AND GOT ALLMISTY ABOUT THE LOW-INCOME

MOOCHERS OUT THERE.

>> THEY PUT LESS IN THECOLLECTION PLATE EACH WEEK BUT

THEY WANT THE SAME AMOUNT OFHEAVEN? HUH-UH.

READ YOUR FINE PRINT. THE MEEKSHALL INHERIT THE EARTH WHEN I

AM DONE WITH IT.

>> BUT, FOLKS, THIS WEEK THEREWAS NEWS OUT OF THE HOLY SEE

THAT HAS ME HOLY SEETHING.

>> THE POPE MAY HAVE A SECRETLIFE, RUMORS HE SNEAKS OUT OF

THE VATICAN AT NIGHT MIGHT BETRUE. THE POPE DRESSES IN

REGULAR PRIEST CLOTHES AND GOESINTO ROME AND MINISTERS TO THE

HOMELESS, THE POPE CONSIDEREDHIMSELF --

>> OH, MY GOD!

>> HE IS A VIGILANTE I HAVE CAR.

>> VICAR, COMING TO THE HELP OFTHOSE IN NEED .. HE IS A BAT

POPE! HOLY, HOLY FATHER!

>> IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSENOW, HE IS JUST LIKE BRUCE

WAYNE.

HE IS A WEALTHY BACHELOR WHOLIVES ALONE IN A GIANT MANSION,

AND BRUCE WAYNE HAS THEBATMOBILE, WHILE FRANCIS HAS THE

POPEMOBILE.

NOT ONLY THAT, BATMAN TALKS TOMORGAN FREEMAN, AND THE POPE

TALKS TO GOD, WHO IS ALSO MORGANFREEMAN.

>> AND -- AND --[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: JUST LIKE THE BATSUIT, THE POPE SUIT HAS

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