The Pope's Secret Life

Aired:  12/03/13 Views: 49,967

Reports surface that Pope Francis has been secretly sneaking out at night to help the homeless. (2:12)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT.

THANK YOU.

>> STEPHEN! STEPHEN! STEPHEN!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> YEAH, I I'M ANGRY TOO.

>> AS AMERICA'S MOST FAMOUS

CATHOLIC, FOLKS, YOU KNOW I HAVE

TRIED TO CUT THE "NEW POPE" OVER

HERE SOME SLACK.

I WASN'T THRILLED WHEN HE WASHED

THE FEET OF MUSLIM CRIMINALS,

KISSED THE UNINSURED AND GOT ALL

MISTY ABOUT THE LOW-INCOME

MOOCHERS OUT THERE.

>> THEY PUT LESS IN THE

COLLECTION PLATE EACH WEEK BUT

THEY WANT THE SAME AMOUNT OF

HEAVEN? HUH-UH.

READ YOUR FINE PRINT. THE MEEK

SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH WHEN I

AM DONE WITH IT.

>> BUT, FOLKS, THIS WEEK THERE

WAS NEWS OUT OF THE HOLY SEE

THAT HAS ME HOLY SEETHING.

>> THE POPE MAY HAVE A SECRET

LIFE, RUMORS HE SNEAKS OUT OF

THE VATICAN AT NIGHT MIGHT BE

TRUE. THE POPE DRESSES IN

REGULAR PRIEST CLOTHES AND GOES

INTO ROME AND MINISTERS TO THE

HOMELESS, THE POPE CONSIDERED

HIMSELF --

>> OH, MY GOD!

>> HE IS A VIGILANTE I HAVE CAR.

>> VICAR, COMING TO THE HELP OF

THOSE IN NEED .. HE IS A BAT

POPE! HOLY, HOLY FATHER!

>> IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

NOW, HE IS JUST LIKE BRUCE

WAYNE.

HE IS A WEALTHY BACHELOR WHO

LIVES ALONE IN A GIANT MANSION,

AND BRUCE WAYNE HAS THE

BATMOBILE, WHILE FRANCIS HAS THE

POPEMOBILE.

NOT ONLY THAT, BATMAN TALKS TO

MORGAN FREEMAN, AND THE POPE

TALKS TO GOD, WHO IS ALSO MORGAN

FREEMAN.

>> AND -- AND --

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: JUST LIKE THE BAT

SUIT, THE POPE SUIT HAS NIPPLES.

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