NBC: No Butt Coverage

  • Aired:  07/21/11
  •  | Views: 26,960

NBC's boob week is just a cheap ratings grope, so Stephen calls on Colbert Nation to demand equal time for the booty. (4:06)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NATION, IT'S NO SECRET.

I'VE SAID IT ON THIS SHOW MANY

TIMES.

I AM AN AVID WATCHER OF THE

"TODAY SHOW."

I WATCH IT JUST TO FIND OUT WHAT

DAY IT IS.

TURNS OUT IT'S TODAY.

THEY ALWAYS GET THAT RIGHT.

BUT EARLIER THIS WEEK, FOLKS, I

SAW A SEGMENT THAT SHOOK MY

FAITH IN BREAKFAST NEWS.

IVAN.

>> THIS MORNING WE'RE KICKING

OFF A SPECIAL SERIES, BREAST

OBSESSED IN AMERICA.

>> THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS FOR

THESE, TAH-TAHS, PUPPIES, RACK.

>> Stephen: THE RACK?

I AM DISAPPOINTED.

THIS IS THE KIND OF FILTH I

EXPECT FROM CHARLES OSGOOD.

THIS BREAST OBSESSED IN MESH

SERIES IS A BLATANT PABDZERING

DRESSED UP LIKE NEWS.

LOOK AT NBC'S EVIDENCE THAT

AMERICA IS BREAST CRAZY.

>> HOW MUCH ARE BREASTS ON THE

HUMAN MIND?

A QUICK GOOGLE SEARCH FOR THEM

PAIRED WITH BOOBS AND A SLANG

WORD STARTING WITH THE TURNS UP

ALMOST A BILLION HITS, MORE THAN

FOUR TIMES THE YIELD FOR A

SEARCH ON THE BRAIN.

>> Stephen: ALMOST NOBODY IS

LOOKING UP BRAINS.

OR APPARENTLY USING THEM AT NBC.

THIS KIND OF "REPORTING" HAS NO

PLACE ON A NEWS SHOW.

IT IS DISGUSTING.

IT IS DEBASING.

IT IS VILE.

AND NBCIOUS I HAVE JUST ONE

THING TO SAY, WHAT ABOUT BUST?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I LIKE BIG BUSTS AND I CANNOT

LIE.

I'M A BUTT MAN.

THERE ARE MILLIONS OF US, LIKE

TWO-TIME PULITZER PRIZE WINNER

AUTHOR DAVID McCULLOUGH.

>> MY ANACONDA DON'T WANT NONE

UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS, HON.

>> Stephen: SEE?

SO TELL ME, NBC, WHERE'S BUTT

WEEK?

I WANT HARD-HITTING REPORTS ON

HIGH AND TIGHT APPLE BOTTOM

BOOTIES YOU CAN BOUNCE A QUARTER

OFF AND GET BACK TWO DIMES AND A

NICKEL.

IN-DEPTH EXPOSES ON THE SWEET

BEACHY CURVES YOU JUST WANT TO

POLISH WITH WINDEX UNTIL YOU SEE

YOUR FACE IN IT.

I'M TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING SO

FIRM YOU CAN SNAP A POOL CUE

ACROSS IT.

ARE YOU SAVING THAT SCOOP FOR

BRIAN WILLIAMS?

I'M SAD TO SAY THIS IS A PATTERN

WITH THE PEACOCK.

THEY HAVE A NETWORK-WIDE

ANTI-BUTT BIAS.

WATCH ANY OF THEIR NEWS

COVERAGE.

THEIR ANCHOR, WORLD LEADERS

ALWAYS SHOT WAIST UP AND FROM

THE FRONT.

BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE NBC'S

PRECIOUS BOOBS ARE.

AND MORE TO THE POINT, IT'S

WHERE THE BUTT ISN'T.

YOU ALMOST NEVER SEE ASS ON NBC

EXCEPT ON CELEBRITY APPRENTICE.

I MEAN...

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

I MEAN, YOU'VE GOT.

TO HE'S TALKING OUT OF IT.

[LAUGHTER]

SO I HEREBY CALL ON THE COLBERT

NATION TO GO DOWN TO THE "TODAY

SHOW"'S WINDOW IN ROCKEFELLER

PLAZA TOMORROW MORNING AND

DEMAND EQUAL TIME FOR THE BOOTY.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

I WANT TO SEE SIGNS LIKE, "NO

KEESTERS, NO PEACE" AND "NBC

EQUALS NO BUTT COVERAGE."

THE POINT IS, BECAUSE HERE'S THE

POINT, FOLKS, THIS BOOB WEEK IS

JUST A CHEAP RATINGS GROPE, LIKE

SHARK WEEK.

OH, OH, YOU KNOW WHAT SOMEBODY

SHOULD DO?

SHARK BOOB WEEK.

OR BOOB SHARK WEEK.

THAT I WOULD WATCH.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

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