Sport Report - NFL Referee Lockout

  • Aired:  09/05/12
  •  | Views: 18,202

With professional referees riding the pine, the NFL brings in the creme-de-la-available, like the Foot Locker sales staff. (3:26)

EVERYBODY, THANK YOU SO MUCH,

FOLKS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NATION, TONIGHT AS WE SPEAK IS THE BEGINNING OF THE

PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL SEASON AND I COULD NOT BE MORE FOOTBALL EXPRESSION THAT MEANS EXCITED!

(LAUGHTER) I WANT TO SAY OFF SIDES?

SO BREAK OUT THE OLD PIG SKIN-- BY WHICH I MEAN HOT DOGS.

(LAUGHTER) THIS IS THE SPORT REPORT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NATION, THIS FOOTBALL SEASON I AM PUMPED FOR ONE BIG RIVALRY,

THE FESTERING LABOR DISPUTE BETWEEN THE OWNERS AND REFEREES.

THE N.F.L. HAS ENFORCED A LOCKOUT OF THE REFS SINCE JULY WITH THE PARTIES STILL DIVIDED

ON A VARIETY OF ISSUES INCLUDING SALARIES, RETIREMENT BENEFITS,

WORK GUARANTEES AND VISION COVERAGE BECAUSE COME ON, REF,

ARE YOU MIND?

(LAUGHTER) NOW OBVIOUSLY YOU CAN'T HAVE N.F.L. FOOTBALL WITHOUT THE REFS.

BUT THE OWNERS JUST CALLED AN AUTOMOBILE.

>> THE N.F.L. PREPARES TO BEGIN THIS SEASON WITH REPLACEMENT REFEREES.

ONE REPLACEMENT REF REPORTEDLY USED TO WORK FOR SOMETHING CALLED THE LINGERIE FOOTBALL LEAGUE.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Stephen: YES, THE LINGERIE FOOTBALL LEAGUE WHICH EXPLAINS WHY ELI MANNING RECENTLY GOT A

15-YARD PENALTY FOR SPORTING A WHALE TAIL.

(LAUGHTER) WELL, I AM GIVING MY MOST VALUABLE OWNERS AWARD TO THE N.F.L. FOR PUTTING EXCITEMENT

BACK INTO THIS GAME.

WITH PRO REFS RIDING THE PINE,

THE N.F.L. HAS BROUGHT IN THE CREME-DE-LA-AVAILABLE.

(LAUGHTER) I ASSUME THEY HIRED THE SALES STAFF FROM A FOOT LOCKER.

NOW, WITH ALL THAT ROOKIE ENTHUSIASM YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN ON THE FIELD ON

ANY GIVEN SUNDAY, ANY GIVEN CALL COULD BE BLOWN.

LIKE IN A RECENT GAME WHERE AN OFFICIAL TWICE REFERRED TO A TEAM FROM ATLANTA AS ARIZONA AND

ALSO MIXED UP WHICH TEAM HAD WON THE COIN TOSS.

(LAUGHTER) WHICH SOMEHOW LED TO BOTH THE FALCONS AND THE CARDINALS KICKING OFF TO THE COY BOYS.

(LAUGHTER) NOW, IN OTHER PRESEASON GAMES,

OFFICIALS RULED THAT A PUNT HAD LANDED IN THE END ZONE WHEN IT WAS NEARLY AT THE FIVE YARD LINE

AND IDENTIFIED A PLAYER RETURNING A KICK AS BEING GUILTY OF HOLDING WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE.

(LAUGHTER) OH, REALLY?

IMPOSSIBLE?

REAL FOOTBALL PLAYERS DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD.

OR MANY OTHER WORDS THANKS TO REPEATED HEAD TRAUMA.

BUT FOLKS...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) BIG CONCUSSION FANS HERE TONIGHT.

(LAUGHTER) FOLKS, I HOPE THE N.F.L. WILL LOOK EVEN FURTHER FOR REPLACEMENT REFS.

LIKE TO THE N.B.A.

THESE FOOTBALL PLAYERS ARE RUNNING ALL OVER THE FIELD WITHOUT EVER DRIBBLING.

WHERE'S THE TRAVELING CALL?

AND THE REFS DON'T HAVE TO BE FROM THE SPORTING WORLD!

PUT NIGEL LITHGOE ON A RISER UNDER THE UPRIGHT AND LET HIM JUDGE "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN END

ZONE DANCE." (LAUGHTER) WE'LL BE RIGHT