Team USA's Tragic Tie with Portugal

  • Aired:  06/23/14
  •  | Views: 60,345

Team USA's dramatic game against Portugal ends in a tie, but America's World Cup hopes are still alive. (5:26)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THEREPORT."

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN"][CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

IT'S SO LOVELY TO HAVE YOU HERE.

FOLKS WE HAVE SO MANY STORIESTHAT WE'VE GOT TO COVER TONIGHT,

IF YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING THENEWS YOU KNOW THERE

IS SO MUCH NEWS BREAKING RIGHTNOW.

FOR INSTANCE, U-S-A, U-S-A,U-S-A, U-S-A!

AND IF YOU THOUGHT I WASN'TGOING TO LEAD OFF TONIGHT WITH

A PATRIOTIC CHANT ANDRESPONSE: YOU WERE WRONG,

YOU WERE WRONG, YOU WERE WRONG!

THANK YOU.

LAST WEEK I MAY HAVE SEEMEDEXCITED ABOUT TEAM U.S.A.'S

WORLD CUP WIN OVER GHANA, BUTTHAT'S BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS

OVER AND WE HAD WON THE WORLDCUP.

WELL, NEWS FLASH, THERE IS MORETO THE WORLD THAN US AND GHANA.

[LAUGHTER]I HAVE SOME TERRIBLE NEWS,

FOLKS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW THE SAY THIS,BUT I CARE ABOUT SOCCER.

[WHISTLES]THAT'S A FOUL ON FOOTBALL FOR

USING ITS HANDS TO GRAB MYHEART.

I EVEN LEARNED ALL THE WORDS TOTHAT OLEÉ SONG.

YOU KNOW, OLEÉ, OLEE, OLEÉ,OLEÉ.

OLEÉ, SOMETHING, SOMETHING,OLEÉ.

IT'S A GOOD SONG.

THIS WEEKEND I EVEN WATCHED ANENTIRE GAME OF SOCCERRING.

IT WAS THE U.S. VERSUS OURANCIENT RIVAL PORTUGAL, A.K.A.

SPEECH IMPEDIMENT SPAIN.

[LAUGHTER]NOW, THE PORTUGUESE...

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]YEAH.

THE PORTUGUESE STRUCK FIRST WITHA GOAL FIVE MINUTES INTO THE

MATCH.

BUT IF HISTORY HAS TAUGHT USANYTHING ABOUT THE PORTUGUESE,

FOLKS, IT'S THAT THEY EAT A LOTOF SQUID, AND THEY PEAK EARLY.

[LAUGHTER]DON'T WORRY, GUYS, I HEAR THE

SPICE TRADE IS GOING TO COMEBACK REAL SOON.

[LAUGHTER]SO TEAM U.S.A. CAME STORMING

BACK, FIRST WITH JERMAINE JONESPULLING TEAM U.S.A. EVEN WITH

HIS FOOT.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]THEN TEAM CAPTAIN CLINT DEMPSEY

PUT US AHEAD WITH HIS BALLS, IBELIEVE.

ALL WE HAD TO DO, ALL WE HAD TODO WAS HOLD ON TO OUR LEAD,

USING ONLY OUR FEET, AND ITSHOULD HAVE BEEN EASY BECAUSE

PORTUGAL'S BEST PLAYER AND GUYWHO MAKES KEN JEALOUS, CRISTIANO

RONALDO, HAD BEEN A SEXY SHADOWOF HIS FORMER SELF.

>> IT'S NOT HAPPENING FOR HIM ATTHAT WORLD CUP.

I'M NOT SURE HOW FIT HE REALLYIS.

>> Stephen: I'M NOT SURE HOW FITHE REALLY IS EITHER.

I BET IF HE TOOK OFF HIS SHIRT,ONLY THE FEMALE FANS WOULD HAVE

OVULATED.

SORRY, I TAKE THAT BACK, I THINKI JUST DROPPED AN EGG JUST NOW.

SO THERE WE WERE, TIME NEARLYEXPIRED, AND THERE WAS OLD MAN

RONALDO LUMBERING DOWN THESIDELINE AND, OH, MY GOSH, NO!

NO!

[AUDIENCE BOOING]I WAS HOPING IT WOULDN'T HAPPEN

THIS TIME.

OF COURSE, I WAS NOT ALONE IN MYSPORTS GRIEF.

I'M GOING TO ROLL SOME FOOTAGEOF AMERICAN FANS CHANTING "I

BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN."

I WANT YOU TO SEE IF YOU CANSPOT THE MOMENT WHEN PORTUGAL

SCORES.

CROWD: I BELIEVE THAT WE WILLWIN.

I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN.

[LAUGHTER][CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: IT'S SUBTLE BUTIT'S THERE.

BY THE WAY, ANY BOY SCOUT WILLTELL YOU, THAT IS THE PROPER WAY

TO SLAM THE AMERICAN FLAG TO THEGROUND IN ANGER.

TAKE HEART, NATION.

TEAM U.S.A.'S WORLD CUP HOPESARE STILL ALIVE BECAUSE WE PLAY

GROUP "G" CO-LEADER GERMANY ONTHURSDAY.

THESE STANDINGS MAKE ONE THINGCLEAR: WE'RE NUMBER ONE, AS LONG

AS WE BEAT GERMANY.

ALSO WE COULD TIE THEM.

WE'D STILL GET THROUGH ONPOINTS.

AND WE CAN EVEN LOSE, BUT THENIT COMES DOWN TO MATH.

IF PORTUGAL BEATS GHANA BY LESSTHAN FIVE GOALS OR GHANA BEATS

PORTUGAL BY ONLY ONE GOAL, THENWE ADVANCE ON GOAL DIFFERENTIAL.

THEY CAN EVEN TIE.

THAT WOULD STILL WORK.

U-S-A? THAT WAS EXHAUSTING.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE][AUDIENCE CHANTING U-S-A]

>> Stephen: U-S-A, U-S-A.

YOU HEARD THEM, NATION, SOSOCCER GUYS, GO OUT THERE

THURSDAY AND DO WHATEVER IS THEEQUIVALENT OF SOCCER WINNING.

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