Who Might Be Honoring Me Next? - People's Choice Awards

  • Aired:  11/07/13
  •  | Views: 22,007

After being nominated for a People's Choice Award, Stephen sheds light on the sordid past of his fellow nominees. (4:11)

>> WELCOME BACK, EVEUTHANK YOU SO MUCH.

NATION, I DON'T DO THIS SHOWFOR THE AWARDS, I DO IT FOR

YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE MEAWARDS.

(LAUGHTER)THERE IS WHO MIGHT BE

HONORING ME�i NEXT NOW FOLKS IDON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU I WON

TWO EMMIES THIS YEAR.

BECAUSE I CAN JUST SHOW YOUINSTEAD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)SO FOLKS, NOT ENOUGH.

THERE IS STILL A HOLE IN MYHEART THE SHAPE OF ANOTHER

AWARD.

NOW IT LOOKS LIKE I'M THISMUCH CLOSER TO FILLING IT.

JIM?

>> ITS NOMINEES FOR FAVORITELATE NIGHT TALK SHOW HOST

ARE CONAN O'BRIEN.

DAVID LETTERMAN.

JIMMY FALLON.

JIMMY KIMMEM.

AND STEPHEN COLBERT.

THAT'S RIGHT!

I'M NOMINATED FOR A PEOPLE'SCHOICE AWARD.

I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO WINA PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARD EVER

SINCE I HEARD THEY STILLEXISTED.

AND NOW FOLKS, MY DREAM MAYCOME TRUE.

I MAY FINALLY TAKE HOME THECOVETED-- I WANT TO SAY

CRYSTAL VAGINA?

I'M NOT SURE WHAT THAT IS,NICE, NICE, WHATEVER IT IS.

FOLKS, I LOVE IT.

BECAUSE THIS IS THE ONLYAWARD CHOSEN BY THE PEOPLE.

FINALLY A SHOW THATCELEBRATES AMERICA'S LIFE OF

LIKING THINGS.

OF COURSE "THE COLBERTREPORT" IS A TEAM EFFORT SO

REALLY THIS NOMINATION ISFOR EVERYONE ON MY STAFF WHO

HOSTS THE SHOW.

(LAUGHTER)AND, AND I'VE GOT SOME STIFF

COMPETITION.

I RESPECT ALL OF THESE GUYS.

MAY THE BEST MAN WIN BUT ASA JOURNALIST, I WOULD BE

REMISS NOT TO TELL YOU ABOUTTHEIR SORDID PAST.

FOR STARTERS THE JIMMIES AREA PERSONAL FRIENDS OF MINE.

BUT DID YOU KNOW THATNEITHER OF THEM IS REALLY

NAMED JIMMY?

BOTH OF THEM WERE BORN JAMES,UH-HUH.

WHAT ELSE ARE THEY LYING TOYOU ABOUT?

AND THERE IS NO GREATER FANOF DAVID LETTERMAN THAT

YOURS TRULY BUT HE KILLSDUCKS IN THE PARK WITH A

TACK HAMMER.

(LAUGHTER)ALLEGEDLY, ALLEGEDLY.

I HAVE NO PROOF OF THAT.

GOOD LUCK, DAVE.

AND CONAN O'BRIEN MAY BE AGREAT GUY BUT HE'S NO FAN OF

PEOPLE.

DOES HE EMPLOY AMASTURBATTING HUMAN?

NO, NOT SINCE MAX WEINBERGLEFT.

WHEREAS I, I STEPHEN COLBERTLIVE SOLELY TO ENTERTAIN THE

PEOPLE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)NOW FOLKS, YOU SAY STEPHEN,

I'M A PEOPLE, HOW DO ICHOICE.

WELL, FOR THE 2014 ADDrd WAS,FOLK, THE AMERICAN ACADEMY

OF PEOPLING IS ALLOWING TOYOU CAST YOUR VOTES THROUGH

THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE WEB SITE,THEIR IPHONE APP OR VIA

SOCIAL MEDIA LIKE FACEBOOKOR TWITTER WHICH MAKES THEM

#RELEVANT.

AND THEY SAY THERE IS VERYIMPORTANT, YOU CAN VOTE AS

OFTEN AS YOU LIKE ANDENCOURAGE YOUR FRIENDS TO

VOTE TOO.

HMMMM, I WONDER IF I HAVEANY FRIENDS I CAN ENCOURAGE

TO VOTE FOR ME?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)YOU READY TO DO THIS, NATION?

OH, GO TO PEOPLE'SCHOICE.COM AND VOTE FOR ME

IN THE CATEGORY OF FAVORITELATE NIGHT TALK SHOW HOST.

VOTING ENDS DECEMBER 5th BUTPLEASE DO NOT VOTE MORE THAN

6 BILLION TIMES.

THAT MIGHT SEEM SUSPICIOUS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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