John Lithgow Performs Gingrich Press Release

  • Aired:  05/19/11
  •  | Views: 398,137

John Lithgow performs Newt Gingrich's epic press release that has D.C. buzzing. (6:20)

( APPLAUSE )

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

TEF EN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU SO

MUCH.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

FOLKS, FOLKS, THANK YOU,

PLEASE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU,

FOLKS.

I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, THAT

ADULATION IS LIKE A SURGING

WAVE OF WARM CARMEL.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: FOLKS, FOLKS,

LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT

EVERYBODY IN THE BLAMESTREAM

MEDIA COPYRIGHT, IS SAYING

THAT NEWT GINGRICH IS ON THE

ROPES.

>> FORMER AIDE TO NEWT

GINGRICH SAYS HIS CAME

NINDES QUOTE ADULT

SUPERVISION AND CLOSE TO

BEING FUNCTIONALLY OVER.

>> IT SUCH A BAD WEEK FOR

HIM.

SOME ARE SAYING HIS CAMPAIGN

IS ALREADY OVER.

>> HE DIDN'T HAVE A BIG

CHANCE FROM THE BEGINNING

BUT NOW IT'S OVER.

>> Stephen: WRONG YOU

PARASITES!

THIS GOOD MAN WILL RISE LIKE

THE SOUR DOE HE APPEARS TO

BE MADE OF.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: NEWT'S OUT JUST

BECAUSE HE WENT ON "MEET THE

PRESS" AND CALLED THE

REPUBLICAN MEDICARE PLAN

RIGHT WING SOCIAL

ENGINEERING WHICH THEN

CAUSED 13 OF 18 CO-CHAIRS OF

A BEGINNING RINCH FUND RAISE

TORE DROP OUT WITHIN 24

HOURS?

THAT'S GOOD NEWS FOR NEWT.

13 MORE CHICKEN DINNERS FOR

HIM.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: AND OF COURSE,

OF COURSE EVERYBODY FREAKED

OUT ABOUT THIS NEWS.

>> AS RECENTLY AS FIVE YEARS

AGO, GINGRICH CARRIED DEBT

OF UP TO $500,000 WITH

TIFFANY & COMPANY CONFI NEW

YORK.

ONE OF THE PREMIER JEWELLERS

ON THE PLANET.

>> Stephen: 500,000 AT

TIFFANIES?

THERE'S A SIMPLE

EXPLANATION.

THE GUY CLEARLY BUYS HIS

ENGAGEMENT RINGS IN BULK.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHY THE THE NEWT

LOVES IT.

IT'S ROUGH-AND-TUMBLE, IT'S

WILD AND WOOLLY AND IT IS A

BLAST.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: SO A LOT OF

CANDIDATES WOULD BE

ANNOUNCING THEY'RE DROPPING

OUT TO WEAVE HATS ON A BEACH

IN THAILAND, NEWT'S CAMPAIGN

FIRED BACK WITH A PRESS

RELEASE THAT HAD D.C.

BUZZING.

IT HAS BEEN CALLED EPIC.

FLOOR I HAD AND

OVERWRITTEN-- FLORID AND

OVEROVERWRITTEN.

FOLKS, I HOLD IN MY HAND THE

ACTUAL PRESS RELEASE.

QUOTE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

--

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: I DON'T I THIS

IT IN MY TO PROPERLY CONVEY

THE EPIC GENIUS OF THIS

VERBAL SPANKING THAT NEWT IS

DIRK OUT HERE.

SO INSPED-- INSTEAD HERE TO

PERFORM THE ACTUAL PRESS

RELEASE VERBATIM, PLEASE

WELCOME TONY AND EMMY

WINNING ACTOR SIR JOHN

LITHGOW.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

>> THE LITERATI SENT OUT

THEIR MIGNONS TO DO THEIR

BIDDING.

WASHINGTON CANNOT TOLERATE

THREATS FROM OUTSIDERS WHO

MIGHT DISRUPT THEIR

COMFORTABLE WORLD.

THE FIRE FIGHT STARTED WHEN

THE COWARDLY SENSED WEAKNESS.

THEY FIRED TIMIDLY AT FIRST,

THEN THE SHEEP NOT WANTING

TO BE DROPPED FROM THE

ESTABLISHMENT'S COCKTAIL

PARTY INVITE LIST UNLOADED

THEIR ENTIRE CLIP, FIRING

WITHOUT TAKING AIM, THEIR

DISTORTIONS AND FALSEHOODS.

NOW THEY'RE LEFT EXPOSED BY

THEIR BYLINES AND HANDLES.

BUT SURELY THEY HAD KILLED

HIM OFF.

THIS IS THE WAY IT ALWAYS

WORKED.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

A LESSER PERSON COULD NOT

HAVE SURVIVED THE FIRST FEW

MINUTES OF THE ONSLAUGHT.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT OUT OF THE BILLOWING

SMOKE AND DUST OF TWEETS AND

TRIVIA EMERGED GINGRICH.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

ONCE AGAIN, READY TO LEAD

THOSE WHO WON'T BE

INTIMIDATED BY THE POLITICAL

ELITE AND ARE READY TO TAKE

ON THE CHALLENGES AMERICA.

NATION!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: JOHN LIT GO!

-- LITHGOW!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

USA!

USA!

USA!

USA!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: I KNOW WHO I AM

VOTING FOR IN 2012.

WOW, I AM SURE THAT WON BACK

ALL OF NEWT'S SUPPORTERS

THAT HAVEN'T JUST WATCHED

THE DEXTER MARATHON.

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