Walmart's Job Acceptance Rate

  • Aired:  12/10/13
  •  | Views: 43,645

Walmart receives 23,000 job applications for 600 jobs, making the retail giant America's most selective institution. (2:42)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Stephen: WELCOME, THANK YOU

SO MUCH FOR JOINING US!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Stephen: RIGHT THERE!

THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Audience: STEPHEN!

Stephen: A ROOM FULL OF THEMTONIGHT.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

WELCOME.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

I WANT YOU TO KNOWI'M DEDICATING TONIGHT'S SHOW TO

THE WHALES.

[LAUGHING]>> Stephen: BEFORE WE GET

STARTED I WANT TO TAKE A MOMENTTO TALK TO THE YOUNGER VIEWERS

IN THE COLBERT NATION.

I KNOW YOU'RE FILLING OUTCOLLEGE APPLICATIONS OR

RECEIVING EARLY DECISIONLETTERS.

I KNOW YOU'RE EAGER TO MOVE OUTOF YOUR PARENT' HOUSE GO TO

COLLEGE AND THEN MOVE BACK TOYOUR PARENTS' HOUSE.

I KNOW IT'S STRESSFUL.

WHEN I APPLIED TO DARTMOUTHEARLY DECISION I WAS IN SECOND

GRADE.

I WROTE MY PAPER ON THE PERILSOF THE NANNY STATE.

I WENT AFTER MY NANNY HARD.

IT'S NOT NAPPY TIME, ROSITA, IWILL SLEEP WHEN I AM DEAD.

MY HIGH SCHOOL VIEWERS OUTTHERE, OVER ACHIEVERS APPLYING

TO HARVARD AND PRINCETON.

I AM CONCERNED YOU'RE AIMING TOOLOW.

IT TURNS OUT THERE IS A MOREELITE INSTITUTION ON THE SCENE.

>> WALMART, 600 JOB OPENINGS AND2300 JOB APPLICANTS.

>> AT A RATE THAT'S LESS THAN 3%ARE GETTING HIRED.

HARVARD HAS A HIGHER ACCEPTANCERATE.

>> Stephen: YES, WALMART IS NOWHARD TORE GET INTO THAN HARVARD.

BROWN STUDENTS WANT YOU TO KNOWTHEY DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO EITHER

OF THEM ANYWAY.

I UNDERSTAND, I UNDERSTAND WHYWALMART IS SUCH A SELECTIVE

INSTITUTION.

MANY OF OUR PRESIDENTS HAVE GONETHEIR TO BUY BULK TOILET PAPER.

YOUTH NATION, IT MAYBE TOO LATETO GET INTO THE WALMART OF YOUR

CHOICE.

WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS OF YOUR OWNGROOM THAT CHILD FOR WALMART

FROM DAY ONE.

THAT OF COURSE MEANS SENDINGTHEM TO THE RIGHT PRESCHOOL.

LOOK FOR ONE WITH A EMPHASIS ONBLOCK STACKING.

OKAY.

IT'S A SKILL THEY NEED FORMAKING TOWERS OF DISCOUNT MILK.

GOOD LUCK, NATION.

REMEMBER, ODDS ARE YOU WON'T GETIN.

BE SURE TO APPLY TO A SAFETY