News Anchor Baby

  • Aired:  08/06/14
  •  | Views: 269,846

A local news team discovers a five-year-old who possesses the qualities of America's most revered news anchors. (3:02)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

FOLKS, YOU KNOW, AS APROFESSIONAL NEWSMAN I'M

ALWAYS LOOKING FOR INNOVATIONSIN JOURNALISM.

FROM THE FUTURISTIC NEWSDESKOF SHEP SMITH TO THE 3D

ENVIRONMENT OF WOLF BLITZER TOWHATEVER ALUMINUM

ALLOY ANDERSON COOPER ISSCULPTED FROM.

TODAY I SAW A TROUBLINGGLIMPSE OF BROADCASTING

FUTURE AND LIKE MOSTTROUBLING THINGS I SAW IT AT

A COUNTY FAIR.

>> WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUTTHE RIDE.

>> IT WAS GREAT, ANDAPPARENTLY, I'VE NEVER BEEN

ON LIVE TELEVISION BEFORE.

BUT APPARENTLY SOMETIMES IDON'T WATCH-- I DON'T WATCH

THE NEWS, BECAUSE I'M A KIDAND APPARENTLY EVERY TIME,

APPARENTLY GRANDPA JUSTGIVES ME THE REMOTE AFTER WE

WATCH OT POWERBALL.

AND I'VE NEVER, EVER BEEN ONLIVE TELEVISION.

I NEVER EVER BEEN ON LIVETELEVISION.

>> ARE YOU EXCITED.

>> YEAH, AND APPARENTLY IALREADY WENT DOWN THE

SUPERSLIDE.

I WENT DOWN, I WAS SCAREDHALF TO DEATH.

>> OH MY GOD!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: THIS KID IS A

NATURAL-BORN NEWSMAN.

I MEAN HE'S ALREADY BREAKINGTHE STORY OF HOW THE

SUPERSLIDE IS HALF DEATHSCARING OUR CHILDREN.

AND FOLKS, YOU WOULDN'T KNOWIT FROM THAT INTERVIEW BUT

APPARENTLY THIS CHILD HASNEVER BEEN ON LIVE

TELEVISION BEFORE.

NOW I ALREADY ANNOUNCED THISSPRING THAT I WAS ENDING

THIS SHOW.

BUT I HAVEN'T FULLYEXPLAINED WHY.

I KNOW, I KNOW, THAT'S HOW IFEEL WHEN I LOOK IN THE

MIRROR.

ONE REASON I'M ENDING THESHOW IS THAT WHEN I CALLED

COMCAST TO GET OUT OF MYCABLE SUBSCRIPTION IT TURNED

IT WAS EASIER FOR ME JUSTTO GET OUT OF CABLE ALL

TOGETHER.

BUT NOW-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: BUT NOW I FINALLY,HUGE COMCAST FANS HERE.

BUT NOW I'VE GOT AN EVENBETTER REASON.

NEWS ANCHOR BABIES LIKE THISARE BREATHING DOWN MY NECK.

AT 5 YEARS OLD HE'S ALREADYGOT THE SINCERITY OF EDWARD R

MURROW, THE REASSURING GAZEOF WALTER CRONKITE AND MORE

GRAVITAS THAN STEVE DOOCY.

AND HE'S ALREADY ESTABLISHEDTHE WORD "APPARENTLY" AS HIS

CATCH-PHRASE.

THAT IS THE SORT OFSENSELESS REPETITION THAT

MARKS A REAL NEWS LEGENDLIKE SEAN HANNITY.

>> WE WERE AT ANOTHER IRONDOME LOCATION, REMEMBER

THERE'S NINE OF THEM THATLITERALLY COVER THE ENTIRE

STATE OF ISRAEL, LITERALLYWE HEARD AN IRON DOME GO OFF,

WE LITERALLY WENT TO THEBORDER, LITERALLY IF YOU ARE

5, 10 YOU COULD WALK IN THATTINL.

I LITERALLY WALKED DOWN ASLOPE.

>> I LITERALLY WALKED.

>> LITERALLY

>> LITERALLY.

>> LITERALLY BEHIND ME.

>> Stephen: APPARENTLY-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

APPARENTLY THATFIVE-YEAR-OLD CHILD COULD

REPLACE SEAN HANNITY.

LITERALLY.

(LAUGHTER)WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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