Time Travel Adventures with Conservatives

  • Aired:  09/26/13
  •  | Views: 26,368

Rush Limbaugh shares his version of the Thanksgiving story in "Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims," and Callista Gingrich teaches kids that all elephants are created equal. (5:02)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

FOLKS, IF YOU ARE A LONGTIMEVIEWER OF THIS SHOW YOU KNOW I

ADMIRE CONSERVATIVE RADIO HOSTAND ANGRY SCOOP OF ICE CREAM,

RUSH LIMBAUGH.

THAT'S WHY I BUYERING PEL OUT BYELRUSH BOWS MEDIA EMPIRE-- HIS

BOOKS, HIS T-SHIRTS, EVEN HISEXCELLENCE IN BROADCASTING

EXECUTIVE OFFICE CHAIR.

IT HAS THE PERFECT SWIVEL ACTIONYOU NEED WHEN YOU'RE MOCKING

MICHAEL J. FOX'S PARKINSON'S.

WELL, GET READY, FOLKS.

BECAUSE NOW RUSH HAS WRITTEN ABOOK FOR KIDS.

>> THE CONSERVATIVE COMMENTATORANNOUNCED HE'S WRITTEN "RUSH

REVERE AND THE BRAVE PILGRIMS."

TIME TRAVEL ADVENTURES WITHEXCEPTIONAL AMERICANS.

IT TELLS HIS VERSION OF THETHANKSGIVING STORY.

>> Stephen: YES, "RUSH REVEREAND THE BRAVE PILGRIMS" AND YOU

KNOW THEY'RE BRAVE BECAUSETHEY'RE WILLING TO PUT

THEMSELVES BETWEEN RUSH AND ATURKEY.

JUST LOOK AT THE COVER.

IT'S ALMOST 40% NOT HIS HEAD.

IT FEATURES RUSH REVERE, ASUBSTITUTE MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHER

AND A VERY SPECIAL SIDEKECK.

>> WE'VE GICHEN HIM A HORSE.

WE'VE GIVEN HIM A TALKING HORSE.

LIBERTY TALKS.

>> Stephen: OF COURSE, RIBTEE IS MOSTLY SAYING, "GOOD

LORD.

ARE YOU SHIRE THERE'S ONLY ONEGUY SITTING ON ME.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

THE OTHER END OF THE HORSE TELLSUS MORE.

>> LIBERTY HAS THE ABILITY TOTIME TRAVEL.

SO IN THIS BOOK RUSH REVERE GLTO THE "MAYFLOWER" AND LIBERTY

AND TALK TO THE PILGRIMS AWORLDTHE "MAYFLOWER" AS THEY'RE

SAILING TO WHAT WILL BECOMEAMERICA.

>> Stephen: I KNOW THAT WAS ALOT FOR YOU, FOLKS.

RUSH REVERE IS A MODERN DAYMIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHER WHO

DRESSES LIKE PAUL REVERE, AND--THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT-- IS NOT

AN OXYCONTIN HALLUCINATION.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

OF COURSE, RUSH REVERE ISN'TJUST A TIME TRAVELING EQUESTRIAN

SUBSTITUTE TEACHER.

HE'S ALSO THE MASCOT FOR RUSH'STWO IF BY TEA BOTTLED ICED TEA.

IT'S THE GREATEST CORPORATECHILDREN'S LIT TIE-IN SINCE ONE

FISH, TWO FISH, RED FISH, RADIOSHACK.

AND RUSH IS NOT THE ONLYCONSERVATIVE HURT LICK THROUGH

TIME.

IN 2011, MIKE HUCKABEE SPRUCEDTHE "TIME TRAVEL ACADEMY" SERIES

ABOUT TEENS GOING BACK IN TIMETO LEARN HISTORY WITHOUT LIBERAL

BIAS.

PREPARE TO BE HUCKIFIED.

>>>> THE DOWNTURN IN THE ECONOMY

IS KILLING US.

PEOPLE ARE OUT OF WORK.

SOME OF OUR MORALS ARE JUSTGONE.

>> GIVE ME YOUR MONEY.

>> GOVERNMENT IS NOT THESOLUTION TO OUR PROBLEMS.

GOVERNMENT IS THE PROBLEM.

>> Stephen: GOOD LUCK FIND AHISTORY BOOK THAT TEACHES HOW

REAGAN SAVED AMERICA FROM DISCOSTABBERS.

D WHO CAN FORGET CALISTA CALISTAGINGRICH'S ELLIS THE ELEPHANT

SERIES.

IN "SWEET LAND OF LIBERTY,"ELLIS GOES BACK TO THE TIME OF

THE FOUNDERS AND DISCOVERS THATALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, WHICH

APPARENTLY INCLUDES ELEPHANTS,BUT NOT TBLAK PEOPLE.

NOW, IT'S NO DISWEN ALL THESECONSERVATIVES ARE USING TIME

TRAVEL TO TEACH OUR KIDS.

IT'S THE BEST WAY TO FIGHT BACKAGAINST THE LIBERAL VERSION OF

HISTORY, OR AS IT'S SOMETIMESKNOWN, HISTORY.

WELL, FOLKING, I WANT IN.

TONIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IAM INTRODUCING MY OWN TIME

TRAVELING CHILDREN'S BOOKSERIES, STEPHEN C. ROSS SEWS THE

FLAG OF HISTORY.

THE THE CENTRAL CHARACTER IS AMAIL BETSY ROSS WHO VISITS

DIFFERENT TIMES IN AMERICANHISTORY WITH THE HELP OF TAX

CUTS.

AND IF STEPHEN C. ROSS LOOKSFAMILIAR IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S ALSO

THE MASK OPT OF MY ROCKETS REDDAIRY TWO FOR 10 MILK.

IT IS GUARANTEED TO BE AT LEAST2% ARE MILK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )TOGETHER--

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )TOGETHER, ME AND TAX CUT TRAVEL

TO HISTORIC MOMENTS TO TEACHKIDS ABOUT AMERICA'S GREATNESS

AND SELL OUR FOUNDERRERSHIGH-QUALITY DISCOUNT FACTORY

SECOND MILK.

IN OUR NEWEST ADVENTURE SEX CUTBACK TO MAKE LOVE IN ORDER TO BE

MY OWN FATHER, MOTHER, AND SON.

INSPIRED BY TRUE EVENTS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, AND I KNOWTHAT BECAUSE I'M A TIME

Loading...