Stephen Colbert's South Carolina Serious, Classy Republican Debate - Network Battle

  • Aired:  12/15/11
  •  | Views: 35,598

Nat Geo Wild pulls out its lion humping footage, and Animal Planet sends honeydew melons to get in on Stephen's debate. (3:53)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: FOLKS, I LOVE AN

OBEDIENT MOB.

FOLK, I THINK WE'LL ALL

REMEMBER WHERE WE WERE WHEN

WE FOUND OUT THAT DONALD

TRUMP WOULD NOT BE HOSTING

HIS REPUBLICAN DEBATE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: I WAS EATING A

PORTERHOUSE THE SIZE OF A

MINIFRINGE.

ONCE AGAIN, I IMMEDIATELY

STEPPED IF IN TO CONSOLE A

GRIEVING NATION, BY

ANNOUNCING STEPHEN COLBERT

SOUTH CAROLINA SERIOUS

CLASSY REPUBLICAN DEBATE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: AND NOW-- I

DON'T BLAME YOU.

AND NOW EVERYONE WHO IS

ANYONE WANTS IN ON IT.

IT IS THE BIGGEST A LIST

CELEBRITY MAGNET SINCE

DROUGHT.

CASE IN POINT, LAST NIGHT

NATGEO WILD JUMPED IN

BEGGING ME TO HOST A DEBATE

ON THEIR CHAN WELL AN EDIBLE

ARRANGEMENT, OKAY.

I LOVE NATGEO WILD, NOTHING

BUT HIGH DEFER FOOTAGE OF

ZEBRAS FIGHTING ANTELOPE,

CHEETAHS FIGHTING RHINO, ALL

IN THE BUFF BUT IT IS NATGEO

SO IT IS TASTEFUL.

THESE ARE SMART GUISE.

THEY KNOW HOW HUGELY MASSIVE

THIS DEBATE GOING TO BE.

AND TO PROVE HOW MUCH THEY

ARE IN TODAY, NATGEO WILD

ROAD OVER HERE ON THEIR LAMA

AND DROPPED OFF THIS ACTUAL

PROMO, JIMMY?

LET IT OFF THE LEASH.

>> THEY'RE COMING, TO

WITNESS THE GREATEST BATTLE

IN THE HISTORY OF THE

UNIVERSE ON THE WILDEST

PLACE ON TELEVISION.

MODERATED BY THE MOST

DOMINATE HUMAN BEING IN THE

ENTIRE ANIMAL WORLD.

STEPHEN COLBERT'S NATGEO

WILD SOUTH CAROLINA SERIOUS

CLASSY REPUBLICAN DEBATE

WITH STEPHEN COLBERT AND

CAESAR MILLINE, NO DATE YET,

JUST CLEAR YOUR [BLEEP]

CALENDAR, IT'S ON NATGEO

WILD.

>> IT IS GOING TO BE WILD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: OKAY.

FOLKS, NATGEO WILD DOESN'T

PULL OUT THEIR LION HUMPING

FOOTAGE UNLESS IT'S SERIOUS.

SO THIS IS THE ANIMAL

KINGDOM.

NATURAL SELECTION WAS BOUND

TO KICK IN.

TODAY I ALSO RECEIVED THIS

BASKET OF MELONS FROM ANIMAL

PLANET, OKAY.

PURE UNCUT PERUVIAN HONEY DO,

ALL RIGHT, ONLY THE BEST.

ANIMAL PLANET, THE BEST

PLANET, RULED BY MEERCATS

BUT A DEMOCRACY LIKE AMERICA,

PLUS ANIMAL PLANET POSTED IF

WHEN YOU HOST YOUR DEBATED

ON OUR NETWORK WE WILL

CHANGE OUR NAME TO COLBERT

PLANET!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: NOW, FOLKS, NOW

YOU'RE SPEAKING MYLAN GAUGE.

A LANGUAGE WHERE EVERY OTHER

WORD IS COLBERT.

YOU HEARD THEM, NATGEO WILD,

IT'S TIME TO RAISE THE ANTE.

I WILL GO WITH WHOEVER CAN

GET THE REPUBLICAN

CANDIDATES TO SHOW.

I SAY THE THEME, NATURE.

IT'S AN ALL-KID AUDIENCE,

ALL QUESTIONS FROM THE KIDS.

MAYBE SOME ANIMALS CAN ASK

QUESTIONS TOO.

BUT NO AFRICAN GRAY PARROTS.

THEY'VE GOT A BIGGER

VOCABULARY THAN RICK PERRY.

(LAUGHTER)

NATION, IT'S ON, IT'S

HAPPENING.

THE 3W59 EL, LIKE RAMS, LIKE

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