Stephen's Appointment with Destiny - Jeff Bingaman

  • Aired:  12/12/12
  •  | Views: 27,359

Stephen starts to rake in endorsements for Jim DeMint's Senate seat, so Stephen's future-former colleague from New Mexico helps him prep for the job. (5:44)

MY OWN TEARS" BY BILL O'REILLY BUT MY BOOK IS NOT THE ONLY THING THAT HAS CAPTURED THE

IMAGINATION OF AMERICA.

THE COUNTRY IS GRIPPED BY THE PROSPECT THAT I WILL BE APPOINTED TO REPLACE JIM DeMINT

IN THE US SENATE BY SOUTH CAROLINA GOVERNOR NIKKI HALEY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND I AM RAKING IN THE -- IT'S ELECTRIC!

AND I AM RAKING IN THE ENDORSEMENTS.

FOR INSTANCE, WHEN ASKED ABOUT MY APPOINTMENT WITH DESTINY SENATOR JOHN McCAIN RECENTLY

SAID QUOTE, "HE WOULD BE A VERY VALUED MEMBER IN THAT HE SEEMS TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT US, SO

HE WOULDN'T HAVE ANY TROUBLE FITTING IN."

[ LAUGHTER ]

YES, I'D FIT RIGHT INTO THE SENATE.

I LOVE ANY JOB THAT HAS RECESS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IN FACT, McCAIN AND I ARE ALREADY ENGAGING IN SOME FRIENDLY JOSHING.

>> JOHN McCAIN, WAS ASKED WHAT HE WOULD TEACH COLBERT IF HE LANDED THE JOB.

McCAIN JOKINGLY ANSWERED QUOTE, "HOW TO SHUT UP."

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Stephen: IT'S A JOKE, BECAUSE HE CLEARLY CAN'T MAKE ANYONE SHUT UP!

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW McCAIN'S WRONG ON ONE POINT.

I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SENATE.

SO HERE NOW TO EDUCATE ME IS MY FUTURE FORMER COLLEGUE, THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN FROM NEW

MEXICO, SENATOR JEFF BINGAMAN.

SENATOR, THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

>>

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> THANK YOU.

>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GETTING ME READY FOR THIS JOB IN JANUARY WHICH IS IMNENT.

>> TERRIFIC.

WE'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVING YOU HERE.

I'LL BE GONE BUT WE'RE GOING FORWARD TO HAVING YOU HERE ANYWAY?

>> ARE YOU LEAVING BECAUSE I'M COMING?

>> NO, I WAS PLANNING TO LEAVE BEFORE YOU ANNOUNCED YOUR PLANS TO COME.

>> STEPHEN: WHAT A SHAME.

I'LL MISS YOU IN THE STEAM ROOM?

>> A DEGREE.

>> STEPHEN: IS THERE A STEAM ROOM?

>> THERE IS A STEAM ROOM.

>> STEPHEN: OKAY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE SENATE?

>> WELL IT'S NOT AS EXCITING AS YOU MIE EXPECT.

>> STEPHEN: I DON'T EXPECT IT TO BE EXCITING AT ALL.

>> YOU'LL FIT RIGHT IN IF YOU DON'T EXPECT EXCITEMENT HERE.

THE WORK HERE IS PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD.

YOU TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE ISSUES THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE VOTING ON, AND THAT PRETTY MUCH

OCCUPIES THE DAY.

>> STEPHEN: AND WHAT DO YOU GET PAID?

>> $174,000 IS THE CURRENT SALARY.

>> STEPHEN: NOT A WEEK, A YEAR?

>> THIS IS A YEAR.

I KNOW IT DOESN'T COMPARE WHY YOUR CIRCUMSTANCE.

>> STEPHEN: $174,000 A YEAR?

>> THAT'S CORRECT.

>> STEPHEN: HOW DO YOU LIVE?

DO YOU GET FOOD STAMPS?

>> I DON'T BUT THAT'S BECAUSE I HAVE A WIFE WHO HAS ALSO BEEN VERY SUCCESSFUL IN SUPPORTING

OUR FAMILY.

>> STEPHEN: I SHOULD MARRY RICH?

>> YOU NEED TO MARRY RICH FOR YOU.

>> STEPHEN: GOOD.

WE NOTE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES IS A BUNCH OF LOSERS COMPARED TO YOU GUYS.

DO YOU HAVE THE POWER TO WALK UP TO ANYBODY AND GIVE THEM A WEDGY?

>> YEAH, I GUESS I DO.

>> STEPHEN: IT'S WORTH IT RIGHT THERE.

I'M GOING TO APPOINTED SO I DON'T HAVE TO RUN BUT TO BE REELECTED WHO SHOULD I BE

BEHOLDEN TO?

WHICH LOBBIES SHOULD I LOOK FOR FOR CASH?

>> YOU ARE FROM WHICH STATE?

>> STEPHEN: SOUTH CAROLINA.

>> FIGURE OUT WHO THE MAJOR INFLUENCE ARE IN SOUTH CAROLINA AND ROLL OVER FOR THEM, I WOULD ASSUME.

>> STEPHEN: I DO HAVE TO PHYSICALLY ROLL OVER LIKE A DOG AND SHOW THEM MY BELLY OR CAN I

VOTE THE WAY THEY WANT ME TO?

>> I THINK THE VOTING IS ADEQUATE.

>> STEPHEN: DO YOU GET A UNIFORM?

>> NO, YOU DON'T.

>> STEPHEN: CAN YOU WEAR ANYTHING ON THE FLOOR?

>> YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO WEAR A COAT AND TIE.

>> STEPHEN: DO YOU HAVE TO BECAUSE I WAS THINKING A UNITARD OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

>> I THINK YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THE RULES.

>> STEPHEN: CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING ABOUT JOHN McCAIN FOR A SECOND?

>> PLEASE.

>> STEPHEN: HE HAS EVER TRIED TO MAKE YOU SHUT UP?

>> I CAN'T REMEMBER THAT, NO.

>> STEPHEN: HE SAID HE WOULD TEACH ME TO SHUT UP.

>> WELL, YOU HAVE THAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO, I GUESS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> STEPHEN: WHY DO YOU WANT TO GET RID OF FILIBUSTER AS IT STANDS NOW AND KEEP IN MIND THAT

IF I DO NOT LIKE YOURSELF I'LL FILIBUSTER IT?

>> I THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE TO SAY IF FOLKS WANT TO KEEP THE SENATE FROM PROCEEDING TO VOTE

ON SOMETHING, THEY NEED TO CONTINUE TO TALK OR HAVE ANOTHER SENATOR THAT WANTS TO TAKE THEIR

PLACE AND TALK.

>> STEPHEN: I'M PERFECTLY PREPARED FOR THE NEW FILIBUSTER BECAUSE I HAVE AN OPINION TO SAY

ABOUT EVERY ISSUE.

I COULD KEEP TALKING ENDLESSLY AND NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT I'M SAYING OR WHAT THE WORDS MEAN.

AT THE END OF THE NIGHT WHEN THE CAMERAS GOOD OFF, I KEEP TALKING.

I HAVE A CATHETER IN AND I'VE BEEN ON A LIQUID DIET FOR SEVEN YEARS.

>> YOU ARE IDEALLY PREPARED TO SERVE IN THE SENATE.

>> STEPHEN: ARE YOU LISTENING GOVERNOR HALEY?

THAT'S AN ACTUAL SENATOR TELLING TO YOU SENATE ME OR SENATIZE ME?

WHAT IS THE VERB THERE?

>> I DON'T THINK THERE'S A VERB.

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S THE FIRST THING I'M GOING DHIENG WHEN I GET TO THE SENATE.

SENATOR JEFF BINGAMAN GIVE IT

Loading...