The Republican Ring of Power

  • Aired:  07/28/11
  •  | Views: 152,203

The debt crisis and "The Lord of the Rings" both have elaborate plots, too many characters to keep track of, and talking about either of them repels girls. (4:07)

( APPLAUSE )

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: WOW, WELCOME TO

THE REPORT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I GOT TO TELL YOU--

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I TELL YOU, FOLKS, I-- I

LOVE THAT SO MUCH.

I COULD HEAR IT TWICE A

NIGHT.

NATION, THE DEBT CEILING

DEBATE DRAGS ON AND ON AND

FRANKLY BOTH PARTIES HAVE

BEEN ACTING LIKE CHILDREN.

WITH THE REPUBLICANS SAYING

GIMME, GIMME, GIMME AND THE

DEMOCRATS SAYING TAKE IT,

TAKE IT, TAKE IT, JUST DON'T

HIT ME IT IS CAUSING

PROBLEMS FOR BOTH PARTIES.

YESTERDAY JOHN McCAIN ATTACK

THE TEA PARTY FOR THEIR

NAIVETE.

>> THE IDEA SEEMS TO BE THAT

IF A HOUSE GOP REFUSES TO

RAISE THE DEBT CEILING A

DEFAULT CRISIS OR GRADUAL

GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN WILL

ENSUE AND THE PUBLIC WILL

TURN EN MASSE AGAINST BARACK

OBAMA AND THE TEA PARTY

HOBBITS COULD RETURN TO

MIDDLE EARTH HAVING DEFEATED

MORDOR.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THEN-- THEN MARK

MECKLER OF THE TEA PARTY

PATRIOTS SAID OF McCAIN

CLEARLY McCAIN HAS BEEN

CORRUPTED BY THE RING OF

POWER.

I GOT TO SAY--

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I HAVE GOT TO SAY I AM

DISAPPOINTED.

THIS IS A MONUMENTAL ISSUE

THAT COULD AFFECT THE

ECONOMY FOR A GENERATION OF

AMERICANS.

FOUR DAYS UNTIL THE COUNTRY

COULD DEFAULT AND THESE

CLOWNS IN WASHINGTON ARE

USING THE LORD OF THE RINGS

TO SAY THAT JOHN McCAIN IS

SAURON, THAT IS RIDICULOUS,

McCAIN IS CLEARLY SARU MANN.

THERE HE IS.

LOOK, HE LIGHTS UP.

HE LIGHTS UP S THAT NOT

AWESOME?

OKAY, NOW YOU SEE, SARUMAN

IS IN LEAGUE WITH SAURON

BACK HERE, ALL RIGHT.

HE'S IN LEAGUE WITH SAURON

WHO IS ACTUALLY OBAMA, OKAY.

AND THE HOBBIT, THE HOBBITS

AREN'T THE TEA PARTY, THE

HOBBITS ARE CANTOR-- KANTOR

AND BOEHNER, OKAY, AND LET'S

SAY LIEBERMAN JUST ON

APPEARANCES.

AND GANDALF IS THE TEA PARTY

RIGHT HERE, OKAY.

YOU SHALL NOT PASS

LEGISLATION RAISING THE DEBT

CEILING!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND THEN McCAIN IS ALL-- ,-- THE

CAVE TROLL IS, I DON'T FOE

BUT IT'S AWESOME.

LET'S SAY NANCY PELOSI, I

DON'T KNOW.

AND OH, I ALSO HAVE A

PINBALL MACHINE OVER THERE,

LORD OF THE RINGS PINBALL

MACHINE.

IT'S A LIMITED EDITION AND

THAT IS THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE

REALLY FUN, OH, ONE MORE

THING.

AND THIS, OF COURSE, IS

ARAGON'S SWORD ANDURIL,

FLAME GIVEN TO ME ABOUT

VIGGO MORTENSEN.

NOW THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO

WITH THE METAPHOR.

I JUST WANT TO REMIND

EVERYONE THAT I HAVE THIS.

(LAUGHTER)

OKAY?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

AND OF COURSE, OF COURSE I

WOULD BE-- THE POINT IS I

GET COMPARING THE DEBT

CRISIS TO THE LORD OF THE

RINGS.

THEY BOTH HAVE ELABORATE

PLOTS, MORE CHARACTERS THAN

YOU CAN KEEP TRACK OF, AND

TALKING ABOUT BOTH OF THEM

REPELS GIRLS.

(LAUGHTER)

NATION, STAY

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