Vladimir Putin's Crane Flight

  • Aired:  09/20/12
  •  | Views: 16,335

Vladimir Putin's realistic crane costume will remind Russian citizens that any animal could secretly be Putin in disguise. (3:24)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.

BUT OH, YOU CAN TELL A THURSDAY CROWD BECAUSE THEY'VE ALREADY BEEN DRINKING.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: AND I DON'T BLAME... I DON'T BLAME THEM FOR HITTING THE BOTTLE, FOLKS, BECAUSE WE ARE ALL

SUFFERING RIGHT NOW UNDER THE FATAL-- FAILED PRESIDENCY OF BARACK OBAMA.

AND DON'T TELL ME RESCUED THE AUTO INDUSTRY.

BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I CHECKED THE 2013 CHEVY MALIBU DOESN'T EVEN COME WITH A HEATED STEERING WHEEL.

WHAT ARE WE, BANGLADESH?

NOW CLEARLY, CLEARLY AMERICA IS SUFFERING A LEADERSHIP GAP.

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU PUT OBAMA UP NEXT TO A TRUE CONSERVATIVE, RUSSIAN PRESIDENT AND SHIRT ALLERGY SUFFERERER, VLADIMIR PUTIN.

MY FRIEND PUTIN HERE IS A STRONG LEADER WHO HAS LONG INSPIRED ALL OF US WITH HIS MANLY COURAGE.

HE'S CROSS BOWED A GRAY WHALE.

HE'S TRANQUILIZED A POLAR BEAR AND EVIDENTLY ROOFIED A SIBERIAN TIGER.

NOT PRETTY, BUT THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE THUNDER CATS.

(APPLAUSE) AS PUTIN HIMSELF HAS WRITTEN, HE ENJOYED, QUOTE, EVENTS INVOLVING THE PARTICIPATION OF FAUNA.

(LAUGHTER) HE ENJOYS IT.

FOR INSTANCE, HE SET THE BEAR TRAP.

THEN THE BEAR PARTICIPATES IN IT.

FOLKS, YOU WANT LEADERSHIP, RECENTLY TO TRAIN SOME BIRDS WHO WERE RAISED IN CAPTIVITY PUTIN PILOTTED A HANG GLINDER

AT THE HEAD OF AN ENDANGERED SIBERIAN CRANE MIGRATION DONNING WHITE OVERALLS TO BE RECOGNIZED BY THE CRANES.

(LAUGHTER) FOLKS, I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS KIND OF LEADERSHIP OVER A THREATENED WHITE FLOCK SINCE THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NOT ONLY... REPUBLICAN CONVENTION.

STRONG, CONSERVATIVE CROWD TONIGHT.

(LAUGHTER) NOT ONLY IS PUTIN SAVING THE CRANES HERE, BUT HIS REALISTIC CRANE COSTUME WILL REMIND RUSSIAN CITIZENS IT

THAT ANY ANIMAL COULD SECRETLY BE PUTIN IN DISGUISE.

FROM NOW ON THEY WILL THINK TWICE ABOUT CONDEMNING HIS REGIME IN FRONT OF THAT HOUSE CAT.

NOW INITIALLY, FOLKS, EXPERTS THOUGHT THAT TO GET THE CRANES TO FOLLOW HIM PUTIN WOULD HAVE TO PUT ON A

SPECIAL BEAK TO BE RECOGNIZED.

BUT IN THE END, HE DID NOT HAVE TO WEAR A BEAK.

NO, TURNS OUT ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS THREATEN THEIR FAMILIES.

(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)

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