2012 State of the Union Address & GOP Rebuttals

  • Aired:  01/25/12
  •  | Views: 47,429

Once again, President Barack Obama ruins another perfectly good night of TV by addressing yet another joint session of Congress, and the GOP offers its rebuttals. (4:23)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY

MUCH!

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING

US!

(CROWD CHANTING "STEPHEN").

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN, THAT WAS... THANK

YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THAT

WAS GOOD OF YOU.

THAT WAS... THAT WAS LAWFUL GOOD

OF YOU.

(LAUGHTER)

SOME OF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M

TALKING ABOUT.

(LAUGHTER)

FOLKS, ALWAYS GOOD TO HAVE YOU

WITH US.

YOU KNOW, FOLKS, THREE YEARS AGO

BARACK OBAMA PROMISED US CHANGE.

BUT LAST NIGHT ONCE AGAIN

PRESIDENT "LOOK AT ME I'M THE

PRESIDENT" RUINED ANOTHER

PERFECTLY GOOD NIGHT OF T.V.

(LAUGHTER)

BY ADDRESSING YET ANOTHER JOINT

SESSION OF CONGRESS.

IS IT ME, OR DIDN'T HE JUST DO

THAT LIKE A YEAR AGO?

(LAUGHTER)

I SWEAR THIS GUY'S GOT O.C.D .

OH, GOT TO TOUCH EVERY KNOB IN

THE HOUSE.

GOT TO FLIP THE LIGHT SWITCH 50

TIMES.

GOT TO ADDRESS CONGRESS ONCE A

YEAR.

GET SOME HELP.

(LAUGHTER)

HE PREEMPTED MY FAVORITE SHOW.

TUESDAY NIGHT WITHOUT "N.C.I.S.:

LOS ANGELES" IS LIKE L.L. COOL

J. WITHOUT CHRIS O'DONNELL.

IT'S UNNATURAL.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, FOLKS, I AM NOT GOING TO

MAKE YOU SUFFER THROUGH HIS

WHOLE PARTISAN POUT FEST BUT I

DO WANT TO SHOW YOU ONE MOMENT.

WE ALL KNOW THIS COUNTRY IN DEEP

TROUBLE BUT THIS CLOWN, TO HIM

IT'S ALL A BIG JOKE.

>> WE GOT RID OF ONE RULE FROM

40 YEARS AGO THAT COULD HAVE

FORCED SOME DAIRY FARMERS TO

SPEND $10,000 A YEAR PROVING

THAT THEY COULD CONTAIN A SPILL

BECAUSE MILK WAS SOMEHOW

CLASSIFIED AS AN OIL.

WITH A RULE LIKE THAT, I GUESS

IT WAS WORTH CRYING OVER SPILLED

MILK.

(MILD LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: OH,

HARDY-HAAR-HAAR.

IT IS TO LAUGH WHILE THE JAY

LENO IN CHIEF WAS CRACKING WISE

THE CRIME RATE IN THIS COUNTRY

IS SOARING.

WHY, JUST YESTERDAY TWO PEANUTS

WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND

ONE WAS ASSAULTED!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

TRUE STORY.

TRUE STORY.

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE, OBAMA'S LITTLE HISSY

FIT WAS MERELY THE OPENING ACT

FOR THE REAL STATE OF THE UNION

ADDRESS-- THE REBUTTAL.

FIRST THE G.O.P.'S RESPONSE CAME

FROM INDIANA GOVERNOR AND SHRINK

RAY EXPERIMENT MITCH DANIELS.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT THE SPEECH EVERYONE'S

TALKING ABOUT CAME FROM MY BUDDY

HERMAN CAIN AT THE NATIONAL

PRESS CLUB.

CAIN GAVE THE REBUTTAL FOR THE

TEAM AS WELL AS HIS OWN GROUP

THE "STAY ON T.V. PARTY."

IN THE SPEECH, CAIN ADDRESSED

THE ISSUE AMERICANS CARE ABOUT

MOST.

>> I THINK STEPHEN COLBERT'S

ENDORSEMENT OF ME IS A MARVELOUS

THING.

AND HERE'S WHY: ONE OF THE OTHER

THINGS

THINGS THAT I AND MY

ORGANIZATION HAS AN AN OBJECTIVE

IS TO KEEP THE YOUTH VOTE

INSPIRED.

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO GO AND

WATCH THE SHOWS THAT SOME OF US

MORE MATURE PEOPLE WATCH TO FIND

OUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE RACE.

THEY'RE WATCHING THE STEPHEN

COLBERTS.

>> Stephen: WELL SAID, SIR

HERMAN CAIN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YES.

THE MORE MATURE PEEP WATCH OTHER

THINGS.

BUT THE MORE IMMATURE YOUTH VOTE

WATCHES THIS SHOW.

WHICH IS WHY TONIGHT I'M

ENDORSING SENATOR DUED YVONNE

POOPING PANTS.

VON POOPING PANTS, YOU CAN

DEPENDS ON HIM.

(LAUGHTER)

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