Riots in the Ukraine

  • Aired:  01/23/14
  •  | Views: 94,797

Freedom is on the march in the Ukraine as rebels arm themselves with catapults and kitchen gear. (3:23)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US,LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN,STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> THANK YOU, LADIES ANDGENTLEMEN.

THANKS SO MUCH.

YOU KNOW, FOLKS, THANK YOUFOR WATCHING THE SHOW.

>>.

>> Stephen: I DON'T THINK IHAVE TO TELL ANYBODY WHAT

THIS SHOW IS ALL ABOUT.

BUT I KNOW AS AN AMERICAN ITIS EVERY CITIZEN'S DUTY TO

FIGHT FOR FREEDOM.

THAT'S WHY I HAVE BEEN SOINSPIRED BY THE RAG TAG

GROUP OF REBELS IN THEUKRAINE.

WHICH IS ATTEMPTING TO BREAKLONG-STANDING POLITICAL TIES

WITH THE RUSSIA.

NOW BOTH OF THESE COUNTRIESARE SOME OF OUR MOST

IMPORTANT TRADING PARTNERSAS THEY CONTAIN THE WORLD'S

LARGEST STRATEGIC RESERVES OFALCOHOLISM.

NOW I GOT TO TELL YOU, TRUTHBE TOLD, I'M NOT ENTIRELY

CLEAR ON WHO THESE REBELSARE OR WHERE THE UKRAINE IS.

BUT FOLKS, I DO KNOW I AM ONTHEIR SIDE.

BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT,NOBODY RIOTS LIKE THE SLAVS.

FIRST OF ALL LET'S JUST TALKCOURAGE.

LOOK AT THIS PRIEST, RIGHTIN FRONT OF THE THICK OF THE

ACTION HOLDING UP A CROSS.

I'M NOT SURE WHICH SIDE HASTHE VAMPIRES BUT THAT'S KIND

OF COOL.

(LAUGHTER)AND THE PROTESTORS HAVE GOT

SOME BALLS.

EVEN THOUGH THEY AREOUTMANNED AND OUTGUNNED,

THEY HAVE NOT GIVEN UP.

THEY MADE THEIR OWN CATAPULT.

(LAUGHTER)SO EVEN IF THEY LOSE THE

REVOLUTION THEY'RE READY FORNEXT SEASON'S PUNKIN CHUNKIN,

PUNKIN CHUNKIN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: PUNKIN.

PUNKIN CHUNKIN.

AND THE POLICE MAY HAVE ALLTHE LATEST RIOT GEAR BUT THE

PROTESTORS HAVE KITCHENEQUIPMENT.

(LAUGHTER)FOLKS, YOU CAN TELL, YOU CAN

TELL FROM THIS MAN'S FACE,HE'S FEELING THE STRAIN.

AND THAT HELMET IS COMPLETELYIMPENETRABLE UNLESS THE

POLICE SOMEHOW DEVELOP HOTWATER TECHNOLOGY.

(LAUGHTER)IF THIS REVOLUTION SUCCEEDS

200 YEARS FROM NOW THECOLLANDER WILL BE THE SYMBOL

OF UKRAINIAN FREEDOM JUSTLIKE OUR FOUNDERS TRICORN

HATS WHICH BY THE WAY WERENOT NEARLY AS GOOD FOR

DRAINING PASTA.

(LAUGHTER)WELL, MY UKRAINIAN FRIENDS,

I STAND WITH YOU.

AND TO PROVE IT, I WILL WEARTHIS COLANDER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)OH, LET FREEDOM RING.

I WILL WEAR THIS COLANDERUNTIL YOU ACHIEVE OR DEFEAT

WHATEVER IT IS YOU AREFIGHTING FOR OR AGAINST.

UNTIL THEN, I JOIN YOURBATTLE CRY, AL DENTE!

(LAUGHTER)NATION, ENOUGH OF THAT.

ALL RIGHT.

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