The Colbert Report's 1000th Show

  • Aired:  02/28/12
  •  | Views: 15,740

Think of all that Stephen has accomplished in 1,000 Colbert Report episodes. (3:06)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

NATION, I DON'T LIKE TO TOOT MY

OWN HORN.

I'M NOT THAT FLEXIBLE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT TONIGHT IS OUR 1,000th SHOW!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WOOOO!!!!Ñi

BOOM!

1,000, BOOK!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1,000, BOOM!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SUCK IT, SIMPSONS!

OOOH, YOU JUST HIT 500 EPISODES.

WOW.

IT ONLY TOOK YOU 23 YEARS.

AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT WHOLE

IT'S AND MATTED (bleep).

-- IT'S ANIMATED.

(bleep).

I'M CLAYMATION.

AND FOLKS, THINK OF ALL I'VE

ACCOMPLISHED TOGETHER. HUNDREDS

OF THREATS SCORES OF WORDS, AND

ALL THE FAN FAVORITES THE PULSE,

ON MY RADAR, BRING 'EM BACK OR

LEAVE EM DEAD, AROUND the WORLD

IN 11.6 SECONDS, ALL YOU NEED TO

KNOW, MARCH TO ENSLAVEMENT, INyf5"AND TH

1000 HALF-HOUR SHOWS IS WITH THE

HELP OF 500 HOUR ENERGY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

500 HOUR ENERGY.

I DRANK ONE OF THESE BACK IN

2005, AND I JUST RECENTLY

RESUMED BLINKING.

SO ANYWAY --

THAT'S HOW I DID IT.

BUT WHY DID I DID IT?

WHY COME OUT HERE EVERY NIGHT?

FOR THE MONEY?

NO.

THE FAME?

NO.

THE UNLIMITED BREADSTICKS?

THEY'RE NICE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT I REALLY DO IT BECAUSE EVERY

NIGHT, AFTER I GIVE TO ALL OF

YOU, I GET SOMETHING BACK.

I GET ONE SKEEBALL TICKET.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU SEE, DOING A CABLE SHOW IS

LIKE BEING AT CHUCK E CHEESE.

AFTER EVERY SHOW, MY DESK SPITS

ONE OUT.

I'VE GOT 999 OF EM!

TONIGHT WILL MAKE 1000, AND I

GET TO T