The Imploding Muslim Country of the Week - Turkey

  • Aired:  06/10/13
  •  | Views: 35,709

Stephen practices a time-honored editorial process, and Turkish protestors target Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan. (4:21)

VERY TALENTED.

NOW, FOLKS, I DON'T KNOW IF

ANYONE ELSE HAS NOTICED BUT

THINGS ARE PRETTY MESSED UP IN

THE MIDDLE EAST.

WHETHER IT'S SYRIA, IRAN, LIBYA

EGYPT, IRAQ OR SYRIA AGAIN.

APPARENTLY NEW VIOLENCE BROKE

OUT WHILE I WAS LISTING THOSE

OTHER COUNTRIES.

AND IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO

CHOOSE WHICH MIDDLE EAST COUNTRY

I SHOULD COVER SO TONIGHT I TURN

TO A TIME-HONORED EDITORIAL

PROCESS: THE IMPLODING MUSLIM

COUNTRY OF THE WEEK BOOTH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

WELCOME.

TO THE IMPLODING MUSLIM COUNTRY

OF THE WEEK BOOTH BROUGHT TO YOU

BY SABRA HUMMUS.

SERVE SABRA AT YOUR NEXT PARTY

AND YOUR GUESTS WILL BE CHANTING

"DEATH TO HUNGER."

NOW, I HAVE WRITTEN THE NAME OF

EVERY MIDDLE EASTERN COUNTRY ON

A DIFFERENT STRIP OF COLORED

PAPER FROM ALLERGY I CAN'T TO

ZEBRA-STAN.

I WILL GET INTO THE BOOTH AND

GRAB ONE AT RANDOM TO REPORT ON.

JIMMY, LET'S SERVE UP SOME BABA

GA-NEWS.

AND THE WINNER IS... THAT TOOK

WAY LONGER THAN IT WAS SUPPOSED

TO.

TURKEY!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

YES, YES.

TURKEY.

JIM?

>> VIOLENT ANTIGOVERNMENT

PROTESTS HAVE EXPLODED

THROUGHOUT TURKEY.

>> DEMONSTRATORS SAY THE PRIME

MINISTER IS A DICTATOR AND THEY

WANT HIM TO RESIGN.

>> MORE THAN 400 PEOPLE HAVE

BEEN REPORTED HURT OVER THE LAST

WEEK.

>> THE STREETS OF SOME OF

TURKEY'S BIGGEST CITIES HAVE

BECOME BATTLEFIELDS.

POLICE TRIED TO PUSH BACK

PROTESTERS WITH WATER CANNONS.

THE AUTHORITIES FIRED TEAR GAS

INTO A CROWD OF THOUSANDS.

THIS STARTED OUT AS A SMALL

DEMONSTRATION AGAINST THE

DESTRUCTION OF AN ISTANBUL PARK

TO MAKE WAY FOR A SHOPPING MALL.

>> Stephen: WOW!

THAT IS THE WORST MALL-RELATED

VIOLENCE SINCE EVERY BLACK

FRIDAY SALE.

NOW IT TURNS OUT THIS WHOLE

BROUHAHA IS OVER MORE THAN JUST

SOME PARK.

IT'S OVER NATIONAL IDENTITY.

YOU SEE, FOR CENTURIES TURKEY

WAS AN OTTOMAN BACKWATER OF

CURVED SWORDS, DECORATIVE

FOOTSTOOL AND POUTERRED

SWEETMEATS.

THEN FIRST TURKISH PRESIDENT AND

KID IN PLAY TRIBUTE HEAD KE MALL

AT A TURK DRAGGED THE COUNTRY

WHIRLING AND DIRVISHING INTO THE

19th CENTURY BY ABOLISHING

THE SULTANATE, THE CALIPHATE AND

THE SHARIA COURTS, SOMETHING

TENNESSEE IS STILL TRYING TO DO.

THE PEOPLE SEEMED TO LIKE IT.

ATTA BOY ATATURK.

BUT THAT ALL CHANGED IN 2003

WITH THE ELECTION OF

CONSERVATIVE MUSLIM AND

AUTOCRATIC ANAGRAM RE-JEHP

TA-YEEP AIR-DOE-AHN.

THAT ANAGRAM, BY THE WAY, PRO

GAY CENTIPEDE RAY.

NOW, PRIME MINISTER CENTIPEDE

HERE HAS UPSET SOME ISTANBULEES

BY CALLING FOR WOMEN TO HAVE AT

LEAST THREE CHILDREN, SINGLE SEX

BEACHES AND NEW REGULATIONS ON

THE SALE OF ALCOHOL URGING

CITIZENS TO INSTEAD DRINK AYRAN,

A SALTY MIXTURE OF YOGURT AND

WATER.

BUT PLEASE GO EASY OR YOU WILL

END UP WITH A NASTY CASE OF

YOGURT GOGGLES AND WAKE UP NEXT

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