The Word - Pew! Pew! Pew!

  • Aired:  03/10/14
  •  | Views: 56,651

A Kentucky Baptist organization announces a 25-gun giveaway to lure men back to church. (5:21)

THE 9/11 CROSS IS JUST THELATEST SIGN THAT AMERICA IS

GOING TO THE BOW WOWS.

GAY MARRIAGE IS LEGAL IN 17STATES.

MEDICAL OR RECREATIONALMARIJUANA IS LEGAL IN 20

STATES.

AND-- IN COLORADO YOU CANNOW LEGALLY MARRY YOUR BONG.

YOU MAY NOW TOKE THE BRIDE.

AND FOLKS, I THINK I KNOWWHY.

BECAUSE ACCORDING TO ARECENT STUDY OF AMERICAN

CHURCHES A QUARTER OF ALLCONGREGATIONS HAD FEWER THAN

50 PEOPLE IN THE PEWS,LEADING TO THE NEW CHILDHOOD

GAME, HERE'S THE CHURCH,HERE'S THE STEEPLE, OPEN THE

DOORS, THERE'S LIKE SIXPEOPLE IN THERE AT MOST.

THAT'S NOT A LOT.

AND IT'S PARTICULARLY BADAMONG MEN.

ACCORDING TO A RECENT ABC, POLL WHILE 45% OF

AMERICAN WOMEN GO TO CHURCHEACH WEEK, ONLY 34% OF MEN

DO.

LUCKILY, THERE'S A WAY TOBRING MEN BACK INTO THE FOLD

AND IT BRINGS US TOTONIGHT'S WORD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)PEW, PEW, PEW.

FOLKS, AMERICA IS NO LESS OFA CHRISTIAN NATION THAN IT'S

EVER BEEN, BUT UNFORTUNATELYTHE OLD METHODS OF PUTTING

BUTTS IN THE WOOD SEATSDOESN'T WORK.

JUST ASK KENTUCKY BAPTISTCHUCK McALISTER

WHO SAID THE DAY OF HANGINGA BANNER IN FRONT OF YOUR

CHURCH AND SAYING YOU AREHAVING A REVIVAL AND

EXPECTING THE COMMUNITY TOSHOW UP IS OVER.

EXACTLY.

A BANNER DOESN'T CUT IT ANYMORE.

YOU'VE GOT TO AT LEAST TRY AJESUS BLOWY MAN.

(APPLAUSE)McALISTER HAS A MUCH BETTER

WAY TO GET MEN INTO CHURCH.

>> HOST OF TELEVISION SHOWVENTURE BOUND OUTDOORS.

WE'RE EXCITED THAT WE'REGOING TO BE IN THE AREA AT

BAPTIST CHURCH ON THURSDAYMARCH 6th.

YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT.

FREE ADMISSION, FREE STEAKDINNER AND GET THIS, 25 GUNS.

>> Stephen: 25 GUNS.

(APPLAUSE)COME ON!

NO OTHER RELIGION OUT THEREIS GOING TO BE ABLE TO

COMPETE WITH FREE STEAKS ANDGUNS.

WHAT ARE THE HINDUS GOINGTO OFFER, A BOWL OF

CHICKPEAS AND THE KNOWLEDGETHAT IN A PREVIOUS LIFE YOU

WERE A BOWL OF CHICKPEAS?

(LAUGHTER)YOU SEE, FOLKS, PEOPLE USED

TO GO TO CHURCH FOR A LOT OFREASONS.

THEY WOULD GO FOR A SENSE OFCOMMUNITY, UPHOLDING

TRADITION, FINDING ANSWERSTO LIFE'S BIGGEST QUESTIONS.

BUT THESE DAYS ALL OF THAT,ALL OF THAT IS JUST

INTANGIBLE.

AND THESE DAYS PEOPLE WANTSOMETHING MORE.

PLUS-- (LAUGHTER)

GIVING OUT FREE GUNS ISCONSISTENT WITH CHRIST'S

MESSAGE.

AS McALISTER REMINDED US,QUOTE, JESUS WAS PRETTY

HANDY WITH THE WHIP WHEN HERAN THE MONEY CHANGERS OUT

OF THE TEMPLE.

YES, YES, REMEMBER, JESUSUSES A WHIP IN THAT GOSPEL

STORY.

BUT FOLKS-- PEOPLE, PEOPLEIN KENTUCKY DON'T USE WHIPS.

NO, PEOPLE IN KENTUCKY, THEYUSE GUNS.

THEY LOVE GUNS.

AS McALISTER KNOWS THAT IFYOU WANT TO REACH THEM, YOU

NEED TO SPEAK GUN.

OR AS McALISTER PUTS IT,HUNTING IS HUGE IN KENTUCKY

SO WE GET IN THERE AND BURPAND SCRATCH AND TALK ABOUT

THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS.

AND THAT STUFF.

YES.

YOU GOT THE BURP AND SCRATCHABOUT GOD LIKE THE

WELL-KNOWN EVANGELIST LARRYTHE CABLE SAINT.

(LAUGHTER)BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?

FOLKS, DO YOU KNOW WHAT ELSEGUYS JUST LOVE?

YOU KNOW WHAT GUYS LOVEOTHER THAN STEAKS AND GUNS?

GUYS LOVE STRIPPERS ANDUNLIMITED SHRIMP.

I SAY FILL IN THE BAPTISMALFONT WITH COCKTAIL SAUCE,

SWAP OUT THAT GIANT CROSSFOR A BRASS POLE AND SWITCH

OUT THAT COLLECTION BASKETFOR A COLLECTION G STRING.

NOW THIS-- THIS MIGHT NOT-- (APPLAUSE)

THE TRUTH IS THIS MIGHT NOTBE ALL KOSHER WITH THE BIBLE

TEACHINGS.

BY THE WAY, JEWS, YOU KNOWWHAT WOULD REALLY GET GUYS

INTO THE SYNAGOGUE, GRILLEDPORK CHOPS.

THE BOTTOM LINE, YOU GOT TOBRING MEN HOME TO JESUS BY

ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

EVEN IF THAT MEANS WEAPONS.

REMEMBER, JESUS SAID ALLTHOSE WHO TAKE UP THE SWORD

SHALL PERISH BY THE SWORD.

AND IF CHURCHES GIVE OUTENOUGH WEAPONS, WE CAN BRING

A LOT OF PEOPLE HOME TOJESUS FOR GOOD.

AND THAT'S THE WORD.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WAIT THREE DAYS AND IT WILLRISE AGAIN, AND MY GUEST

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