Stephen Colbert University - Andrew Hacker

  • Aired:  08/25/10
  •  | Views: 52,764

Stephen proudly introduces his for-profit college, and Andrew Hacker says online universities are rip-offs. (7:11)

GIVE IT UP FOR HIM.

GIVE IT UP FOR HIM.

FOLKS, DID YOU KNOW THE AVERAGE

COLLEGE GRADUATE EARNS TWICE AS

MUCH AS A PERSON WITH ONLY A

HIGH SCHOOL DEGREE?

WHICH IN THIS CURRENT JOB MARKET

WORK OUT TO...

[LAUGHTER]

ZERO DOLLARS.

[APPLAUSE]

AND... IT'S NO WONDER.

WHAT DO NOT-FOR-PROFIT

UNIVERSITIES KNOW ABOUT MAKING

CASH?

LUCKILY THERE ARE FOR-PROFIT

COLLEGES OUT THERE, LIKE KAPLAN

UNIVERSITY, THE ART INSTITUTE

AND THE UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX.

THEY'RE SO CONVENIENT SOME LET

YOU ATTEND ON THE INTERKNELT, SO

INSTEAD OF ROLLING OUT OF BED

AND GOING TO CLASS LOOKING LIKE

A SLOB, YOU CAN STAY IN BED AND

GO LOOKING LIKE A LEVEL 55 DEATH

KNIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]

AND YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, FOLKS,

YOU KNOW IT'S A QUALITY

EDUCATION BECAUSE YOU GET WHAT

YOU PAY FOR.

FOR INSTANCE, A MASSAGE THERAPY

CERTIFICATE AT A COMMUNITY

COLLEGE COULD COST $520, WHILE A

SIMILAR CERTIFICATE AT

FOR-PROFIT UNIVERSITIES CAN COST

UP TO $14,000.

I ASSUME THAT DEGREE COMES WITH

FULL RELIEF.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT EVIDENTLY, FOLKS, THE OBAMA

ADMINISTRATION JUST HATES

EDUCATION.

>> FOR-PROFIT COLLEGES UNDER

FIRE.

TWO GOVERNMENT REPORTS OUT

DETAILING WHAT IT SAYS ARE

DECEPTIVE RECRUITMENT AND LOAN

TACTICS.

>> FOUR OF THE 15 FOR-PROFIT

COLLEGES TARGETED ENCOURAGED

UNDERCOVER APPLICANTS TO COMMIT

OUTRIGHT FRAUD.

ALL 15 ENGAGED IN DECEPTIVE

PRACTICES.

>> Stephen: DECEPTIVE

PRACTICES?

BIG DEAL.

I SAY CAVEAT EMPTOR, WHICH

ACCORDING TO MY ONLINE LATIN

DEGREE MEANS "SOUP OF THE DAY."

[LAUGHTER]

SO WHAT.

SO WHAT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SO WHAT IF ACCORDING TO ONE

FORMER RECRUITER THE SCHOOL PAYS

THEM $800 PER STUDENT THEY ROUND

UP.

THAT JUST INCENTIVIZES THEM TO

ATTRACT NON-TRADITIONAL CO-EDS.

>> BENSON RAWLINS, WHO LIVED IN

A HOMELESS SHELTER IN CLEVELAND

OHIO, WHERE LAST YEAR HE MET TWO

RECRUITERS FROM THE UNIVERSITY

OF PHOENIX WHO PITCHED HIM AND

OTHER HOMELESS MEN ON AN

EDUCATION WHICH WOULD HAVE PUT

THEM IN DEBT ABOUT $15,000.

>> Stephen: I SAY THEY'RE JUST

THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX BY

HUSTLING PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN

BOXES.

BUT THESE SCHOOLS ARE OWNED BY

REPUTABLE CORPORATIONS, LIKE

GOLDMAN SACKS.

WHICH OWNS 38% OF THE SECOND

LARGEST ONLINE COLLEGE.

AND WHO BETTER THAN ECONOMICS

PROFESSOR BLANKFEIN TO TEACH OUR

KIDS ABOUT FINANCIAL RUIN.

WELL, FOLKS, I WANT IN.

THAT'S WHY I'M PROUD TO

INTRODUCE MY NEW FOR-PROFIT

SCHOOL, STEPHEN COLBERT

UNIVERSITY.

THE NUMBER-ONE PLACE...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

...FOR HIGHER EDUCATION.

STEPHEN COLBERT UNIVERSITY IS

OPEN TO ANYBODY WITH AN INTERNET

CONNECTION AND A LETTER OF

RECOMMENDATION FROM BENJAMIN

FRANKLIN.

OR TWO LETTERS FROM ULYSSES S.

GRANT.

AT STEPHEN COLBERT U, WE OFFER

PROGRAMS IN EXCITING FIELDS AS

NURSE IMPERSONATOR, GRAVEROBBER,

V.C.R. REPAIR, GOOGLER.

REMEMBER, AT SCU, WE PUT THE YOU

IN WE MAKE MONEY OFF YOU.

ASK ANY EXPERT AND THEY'LL TELL

YOU STEPHEN COLBERT UNIVERSITY

IS ONE OF THE DEALS AROUND.

HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IS THE

AUTHOR OF "HIGHER EDUCATION: HOW

COLLEGES ARE WASTING OUR MONEY

AND FAILING OUR KIDS AND WHAT WE

CAN DO ABOUT IT."

PLEASE WELCOME PROFESSOR ANDREW

HACKER.

PROFESSOR HACKER, THANK YOU VERY

MUCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THERE WE ARE.

"HIGHER EDUCATION."

ARE THESE ONLINE UNIVERSITIES

RIPOFFS?

ARE WE RIPPING PEOPLE OFF WITH

THESE?

>> I'M AFRAID WE RUSSIA STEPHEN.

WHAT YOU GET, AS YOU SAY,

SITTING IN YOUR PAJAMAS, YOU'RE

LOOKING AT A COMPUTER SCREEN,

THAT IS NOT HIGHER EDUCATION.

>> Stephen: BUT WHY IS THAT

NOT HIGHER EDUCATION?

DOES EVERYBODY HAVE TO GO TO ONE

OF YOUR CORDUROY JACKET,

ELBOW-PATCH KIND OF COLLEGES?

>> I WOULD SAY SO, YES.

>> Stephen: OH, REALLY.

REALLY?

ARE YOU AN OBJECTIVE OBSERVER?

WHERE DID YOU GO TO COLLEGE?

>> A JUNIOR COUSIN OF DARTMOUTH

CALLED AMHERST COLLEGE.

>> WHERE ELSE?

>> I THEN WENT TO PRINCETON.

FOR Ph.D. D.

AND I SPENT TWO YEARS AT OXFORD.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

WAS THIS ONLINE OXFORD?

[LAUGHTER]

>> NO, ACTUALLY YOU SAT IN A

ROOM WITH A TUTOR, AND THE TUTOR

SMOKED HIS PIPE.

>> Stephen: BUT WHAT IS SO

MUCH BETTER... AREN'T THESE BIG

COLLEGES RIPPING US OFF THE SAME

WAY?

I MEAN, WHO USES THE THINGS THEY

LEARN IN COLLEGE NECESSARILY,

AND WHY IS THEIR CRUSHING DEBT

ANY BETTER THAN THE CRUSHING

DEBT WE GET FROM AN ONLINE

COLLEGE?

>> THIS IS A FANTASTIC QUESTION.

>> Stephen: AND I DIDN'T GO TO

ONE OF YOUR FANCY COLLEGES.

[APPLAUSE]

>> FOR EXAMPLE, WE HAVE TRACKED

A CLASS AT AN IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL

ALL THE WAY FROM THE TIME THEY

WERE ADMITTED UNTIL THEY'RE NOW

MAKING SOMETHING OF THEIR LIVES.

VERY AVERAGE.

THEY ENDED UP NOT MUCH BETTER

THAN MY STUDENTS AT QUEENS

COLLEGE.

>> Stephen: REALLY?

[LAUGHTER]

EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES IN

COLLEGE.

WHY CAN'T ONE OF THOSE MISTAKES

BE GOING TO COLLEGE?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

>> YOU'RE GOING TO END UP WITH

SIX FIGURES IN DEBT.

PEOPLE AGED 22 ARE NOW

GRADUATING.

THEY HAVE $50,000 IN DEBT.

AND ONCE THE INTEREST IS ADDED

IN, THEY'ER GOING TO HAVE TO PAY

$100,000.

THAT'S NOT A GOOD WAY TO SPEND

YOUR 20s.

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE TO GO

TO COLLEGE TO BE SUCCESSFUL?

>> YOU HAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE TO

BE PROPERLY MIDDLE CLASS.

TO BECOME, AS IT WERE, ONE OF

US.

THERE ARE PEOPLE WITH B.A.s

AND PEOPLE WITHOUT B.A.s, AND

THERE'S A SHARP DIVIDE BETWEEN

THEM.

>> Stephen: WHAT IF THE PEOPLE

WITHOUT B.A.s JUST PICK UP

PITCHFORKS AND KILL ALL THE

PEOPLE WITH B.A.s?

WOULDN'T THAT BREAK DOWN THE

DIVIDE?

>> WELL, THE PEOPLE WITH B.A.s

WOULD TRY REASON WITH THEM

BECAUSE...

[LAUGHTER]

>> Stephen: IT'S HARD TO

REASON ON THE END OF A

PITCHFORK, MY FRIEND.

IS COLLEGE WORTH IT?

>> YES.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

PROFESSOR ANDREW HACKER.

HIS BOOK