Where in the World Is Edward Snowdiego?

  • Aired:  06/24/13
  •  | Views: 43,846

A reporter photographs man-on-the-run Edward Snowden's empty airplane seat -- meaning either he didn't show or he was in the bathroom. (4:38)

Captioning sponsored by

COMEDY CENTRAL

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN,

STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT,

EVERYBODY.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

PLEASE, FOLKS, WE'VE GOT TO GO.

SIT DOWN.

WE'VE GOT TO DO THE SHOW

BECAUSE, FOLKS, TONIGHT -- SIT

DOWN, PLEASE.

FOLKS, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU.

TONIGHT, WE HAVE A HUGE STORY

AND I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU

WHAT THAT IS.

I'M BEING TOLD I HAVE TO TELL

YOU WHAT THAT IS.

EVIDENTLY THAT IS MY ONLY JOB.

OKAY.

FORMER N.S.A. ANALYST AND

CURRENT DRONE BAIT EDWARD

SNOWDEN HAS GONE MISSING, FOLKS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THIS COMPUTER WHIZ HAS HIT

ESCAPE, CONTROL-ALT-DELETED

HIMSELF AND HAS AVOIDED BEING

CAPS-LOCKED UP, F7.

JIM?

>> MAN ON THE RUN.

WHERE IS N.S.A. LEAKER EDWARD

SNOWDEN HEADED NEXT.

>> THE HIGH-STAKES GAME OF CAT

APPED MOUSE REACHES A FEVER

PITCH AS SPY WHISTLE-BLOWER

EDWARD SNOWDEN REMAINS ON THE

RUN.

>> EDWARD SNOWDEN SAYS CATCH ME

IF YOU CAN.

A GLOBAL GAME OF HIDE AND SEEK

>> Stephen: YES, A GLOBAL GAME

OF HIDE AND SEEK.

WHY DID WE AGREE TO COUNT ALL

THE WAY TO 100?

AND HAS ANYONE CHECKED BEHIND

CURTAINS IN THE LIVING ROOM?

NOW, FOLKS, NOBODY KNOWS EXACTLY

WHERE SNOWDEN MIGHT BE.

SO FAR THERE'S JUST BEEN A LOT

OF IRRESPONSIBLE SPECULATION AND

I WANT IN ON IT WHICH BRINGS ME

TO MY NOW RUNNING SEGMENT

♪ WHERE IN THE WORLD IS EDWARD

SNOW-DIEGO?

♪♪

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: IF I GET IT RIGHT, I

COULD WIN A TRIP TO ANYWHERE IN

THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES.

OH, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO

QUEENS.

BETTER GET MY SHOTS.

NOW, FOR WEEKS NOW, FOLKS, IT'S

BEEN BELIEVED THAT SNOWDEN HAS

BEEN HOLED UP IN HONG KONG.

LET ME SHOW YOU.

OKAY.

FOR WEEKS IT'S BEEN THOUGHT THAT

HE'S HOLED UP IN HONG KONG BUT

YESTERDAY HE BOARDED A FLIGHT TO

MOSCOW.

JIMMY?

JIMMY, IS THIS GOOD?

>> IT'S AN OCEAN, STEPHEN

Stephen: OKAY.

IS THAT WARMER?

>> YOU'RE BACK IN HONG KONG.

Stephen: ANYWAY, IT DOESN'T

MATTER.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE MOSCOW

IS BECAUSE SNOWDEN MAY NOT EVEN

BE THERE.

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON A

FLIGHT THIS MORNING FROM MOSCOW

TO HAVANA, CUBA, BUT A REPORTER

ON THE FLIGHT TWEETED THIS PHOTO

OF SNOWDEN'S EMPTY SEAT.

MEANING EITHER HE DIDN'T SHOW OR

HE WAS IN THE BATHROOM.

AFTER ALL, HE IS A KNOWN LEAKER.

THE TRUTH IS, SNOWDEN COULD BE

ANYWHERE, FOLKS, EVEN RIGHT HERE

IN HAD THIS STUDIO.

HOLD ON, WAIT A SECOND.

JAY, ARE YOU EDWARD SNOWDEN?

>> NO, I'M JAY.

Stephen: ARE YOU SURE?

YOU'RE WHITE AND YOU HAVE

GLASSES.

>> SO ARE YOU.

tephen: OH, MY GOD!

I MIGHT BE EDWARD SNOWDEN.

TALK!

AM ME: EDWARD SNOWDEN?

SPEAK UP, GOD DAMN IT.

[BLEEP].