Colbert Super PAC - Mitt Romney Attack Ad

  • Aired:  01/16/12
  •  | Views: 99,006

A shadowy outside group calling itself the Definitely Not Coordinating with Stephen Colbert Super PAC unveils the most shocking attack ad yet. (5:02)

I KNOW I DO.

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE THE OTHER BIG

STORY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

RIGHT NOW IS ALL THE

NEGATIVE ADS.

ROMNEY'S SUPERPAC ATTACKS

GINGRICH, GINGRICH'S

SUPERPAC ATTACKS ROMNEY.

AND THIS WEEKEND A-- A GROUP

CALLING ITSELF THE

DEFINITELY NOT COORDINATING

WITH STEPHEN COLBERT

SUPERPAC UNVEILED WHAT I

BELIEVE IS THE MOST SHOCKING

ATTACK AD YET.

>> CORPORATIONS, AMERICA'S

GREATEST INSTITUTION, THEY

BUILT THIS COUNTRY ONE JOB

AT A TIME.

MITT ROMNEY SAYS HE'S FOR

CORPORATIONS.

>> CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE,

MY FRIENDS.

>> BUT MITT ROMNEY HAS A

SECRET.

S AHEAD OF BAIN CAPITAL HE

BOUGHT COMPANIES, CARVED

THEM UP AND GOT RID OF WHAT

HE COULDN'T USE.

IF MITT ROMNEY REALLY

BELIEVES.

>> CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE,

MY FRIEND.

>> THEN MITT ROMNEY IS A

SERIAL KILLER.

(LAUGHTER)

>> MITT THE RIPPER.

AND YOU BELIEVE CORPORATIONS

ARE PEOPLE, DO YOUR DUTY AND

PROTECT THEM.

ON SATURDAY JANUARY 21st,

STOP MITT THE RIPPER BEFORE

HE KILLS AGAIN.

AMERICANS FOR A BETTER

TOMORROW TOMORROW ARE

RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENT

OF THIS ADVERTISING.

>> Stephen: WOW.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: SHOCKING,

SHOCKING STUFF.

SO IS MITT ROMNEY A SERIAL

KILLER?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT THAT QUESTION IS OUT

THERE NOW.

OF COURSE THE GANG THAT

COULDN'T REPORT STRAIGHT

ASSUMES I HAD SOMETHING TO

DO WITH IT.

>> STEPHEN COLBERT'S

SUPERPAC HITS THE AIRWAVES

IN SOUTH CAROLINA.

>> STEPHEN COLBERT, HERE IS

ONE OF HIS SUPERPAC ADS.

>> LEAVE IT TO STEPHEN

COLBERT TO TAKE THESE ADS TO

THE EXTREME.

>> Stephen: FOLKS, ONCE

AGAIN, I NEED TO MAKE IT AS

CLEAR AS THE BLEACH MITT

ROMNEY MAY OR MAY NOT USE TO

DISSOLVE THE BONES OF HIS

VICTIMS.

(LAUGHTER)

THIS COMMERCIAL IS THE SOLE

RESPONSIBILITY OF THE PERSON

I TURNED MY PAC OVER TO FOUR

DAYS AGO, A MAN NAMED AND I

HOPE I AM PRONOUNCING THIS

CORRECTLY JON STEW-WART,

UGLY NAME.

AND IF ONE WORD OF THAT AD

IS INACCURATE, I HOPE HE

TAKES IT OFF THE AIR AND

LEAVES IT ON THE INTERNET.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT FOLK, LEGALLY, I CAN'T

MAKE HIM DO THAT.

WE CANNOT IN ANY WAY

COORDINATE, EVEN THOUGH WE

CURRENTLY CO-OWN A

COMBINATION BAGEL SHOP AND

TRAVEL AGENCY FROM SHMEAR TO

ETERNITY.

WE BOOK ADVENTURE TRAVEL TO

PLACES WHERE BAGELS ARE NOT

AVAILABLE, AND GIVE OUR

CLIENTS A BAG OF FRESH

BAGELS TO TAKE WITH THEM.

BECAUSE SOMEONE IN K-2 IS

NICE AND ALL BUT BRUNCHING

ON K-2 IS A MEMORY OF A

LIFETIME.

IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT THE

POTENTIAL CANDIDATE AND THE

SUPERPAC OWNER KEEP THEIR

OPERATIONS SEPARATE.

MITT ROMNEY KNOWS WHAT

HAPPENS IF YOU DON'T.

>> WE GO TO THE BIG HOUSE.

>> Stephen: YES.

WE GO TO THE BIG HOUSE.

SO THE SAUCE PAN, THE A

CREAM, FRONT PORCH, THE BEAN

BAG, THE KOI POND.

BUT THE CHALLENGE IS JON HAS

HIRED MY SUPERPAC STAFF TO

WORK FOR HIM.

AND THEY ARE STILL IN MY

BUILDING SHARING OFFICES

WITH MY STAFF WHO ARE

EXPLORING OUR POSSIBLE

PRESIDENTIAL RUN.

BUT WE ARE NOT IN ANY WAY

COORDINATING.

WE ARE INSTEAD MEETING THE

HIGH STANDARD SET BY

POLITICAL MASTER SCALP CARL

ROVE-- KARL ROVE WHOSE

AMERICAN CROSS OWED SUPERPAC

SUPERPAC-- FOR CARL FORTI

OPERATES BLACK ROCK

CONSULTANT WHO MAKE ADS FOR

THE MITT ROMNEY CAMPAIGN.

YES, ONE HAND WASHES THE

OTHER BUT THEY DO IT IN

SEPARATE BATHROOMS.

AND HERE'S HOW WE AT THE

REPORT KEEP IT STRAIGHT.

NOW TO MAKE SURE WE DON'T

INADVERTENTLY COORDINATE,

WE'VE ACTUALLY SPLIT THE

STAFF INTO RED TEAM AND BLUE

TEAM.

RED TEAM, SUPERPAC.

BLUE TEAM, EXPLORATORY

COMMITTEE.

NOW THE BLUE TEAM WEARS RED

SHIRTS THAT SAY BLUE TEAM IN

YELLOW WHILE THE RED TEAM

WEARS BLUE SHIRTS THAT SAY

RED TEAM IN GREEN, OKAY.

I HAVE CONSULTED A PARALEGAL

AND I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT

ALL OF THIS IS PARALEGAL.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW JAY, THE INTERN, WHY

DON'T YOU JUST RUN-- GRAB ME

A CUP OF COFFEE O BUDDY.

>> SORRY, STEPHEN, I'M RED

TEAM, I CAN'T COORDINATE

WITH YOU.

>> Stephen: GOOD MAN, JAY,

STAY VIGILANT NO

COORDINATION.

OKAY, NOW SERIOUSLY G GET ME

THAT COFFEE.

OKAY, THANKS.

HE IS TOTALLY GOING TO JAIL.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

GOOD JOB, EVERYBODY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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