Smile File - Ariel Castro & The Eric Bolling Sunshine Express

  • Aired:  09/05/13
  •  | Views: 35,107

Fox News' Eric Bolling recommends that more prisoners should hang themselves like Ariel Castro to save taxpayer dollars. (4:40)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'VE GOT TO SAY --

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WHAT CAN I SAY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU.

FOLKS, FOLKS, I WANT TO THANK YOU AND THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME LATCH ON TO YOU LIKE AN EMOTIONAL LAMPREY AN

SUCK THE JOY FROM YOUR YOUNG VITAL BODIES UNTIL THEY ARE AS DRY AS A CROUTON.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: BECAUSE FOLKS, THERE'S A LOT OF DEPRESSING NEWS OUT THERE.

CHEMICAL WEAPONS IN SYRIA, RADIATION IN FUKUSHIMA, BREAKING BAD IS ENDING.

EVEN WORSE, I'M STARTING TO THINK THAT HANK AND WALT MAY NOT END UP TOGETHER.

(LAUGHTER) WELL, FOLKS, YOU KNOW WHEN I NEED A LITTLE PICK ME UP, I ALWAYS DIP INTO STEPHEN

COLBERT'S SMILE FILE.

TONIGHT'S SMILE FILE, ARIEL CASTRO.

(LAUGHTER) NOW FOLKS, YOU MIGHT BE SAYING STEPHEN ARIEL CASTRO IS A VIAL MONSTER WHOSE

SUICIDE THIS WEEK IS JUST THE DARKENED TO A DARK LIFE.

HOW CAN ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH THAT MAN POSSIBLY MAKE ME SMILE?

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

UNTIL I TUNED IN TO FOX NEWS'S THE FIVE STARRING ERIC BOLLING WHO ALWAYS CEASE THE GLASS AS HALF FULL.

>> ARIEL CASTRO THE PEDOPHILE PIECE OF YOU KNOW WHAT WHO HELD THREE GIRLS

CAPTIVE IN CLEVELAND FOR DECADES WAS CONVICTED AND SENTENCED TO LIFE PLUS 1,000

YEARS BEHIND BARINGS, LAST NIGHT THE COW WARD HUNG HIMSELF FAR SHORT OF THE THE

33 KERR -- YEARS, HE SPENT 33 YEARS, THINK OF THE TAX DOLLAR DOLLAR-- TAXPAYER DOLLARS HE SAVED.

HERE IS THE 3457, ARIEL DOS TRO, LIFE EXPECTANCY OF 79, 30 GRANDE YEAR, $780,000

TAXPAYER DOLLARS WE SAVED BY HIM HANGING HIMSELF.

>> Stephen: THAT'S A GOOD POINT.

THAT'S A GOOD POINT.

JUSTICE IS EXTENSION-- EXPENSIVE.

IMAGINE HOW MUCH WE COULD HAVE SAVED IF WE NEVER CAUGHT HIM.

AND AND FOLKS, THE BOLLING SUNSHINE EXPRESS DID NOT END AT CASTRO AND A PLAYFUL

CARTOON OF THE NEWS, NO.

BOLLING HAD A WAY TO SAVE AMERICA EVEN MORE MONEY.

HOW ABOUT GITMO, $903,000 PER YEAR PER GITMO DETAINEE.

THAT'S $150 MILLION A YEAR WE WOULD SAVE IN GITMO IF THEY WOULD ALL JUST DO THE

SAME THING.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

I MEAN WOULD IT KILL THOSE GITMO DETAINEES TO KILL THEMSELVES?

FOR PETE'S SAKE WHAT ARE THEY WAITING FOR, CHARGES?

AND IF YOU LOOK AT HIS WHITE BOARD BOLLING HAS ALREADY GOT SOME SUGGESTIONS ABOUT

WHO SHOULD TAKE THE NEXT EXIT RAMP TO DIRT NAP CITY.

HE'S GOT NIDAL HASAN, KHALID CHIC MOHAMMED AND@ERIC BOLLING?

>> OH GOD!

OH GOD DON'T DO IT, ERIC, YOU'VE GOT SOME OF TO LIVE FOR.

NOTHING'S COMING TO ME NOW BUT ONE IMAGINES.

BUT FOLKS, FOLKS-- PEOPLE, THE PEOPLE ARE CLAPPING FOR YOU, ERIC, LIKE TINKER BELL,

LIKE TINKER BELL WITH A GUN IN HER MOUTH.

BUT FOLKS, BOLLING REALLY GOT ME, I WANT TO SAY THINKING.

THE COUNTRY COULD SAVE SO MUCH MORE MONEY IF LIKE ERIC BOLLING WE ARE WILLING TO

PUT A PRICE TAG ON HUMAN LIFE SO I SAY FORGET PRISONS LET'S TALK ABOUT THE SUICIDAL ELEMENT IN THE ROOM.

SOCIAL SECURITY.

AT $815 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR, PEPAW IT'S TIME TO SMEAR THE STAIRS WITH SOME OF THAT PUDDING AND JUST

SLIP AGAINLY INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT.

AND IF ANY OF YOU FREELOADERS OUT THERE NEED SOME INSPIRATION, JUST TURN ON THE FIVE.

BECAUSE EVERY TIME I WATCH ERIC BOLLING, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

(APPLAUSE)

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