John McCain's Victorious Defeat

  • Aired:  08/25/10
  •  | Views: 56,375

Stephen offers Senator McCain his heartiest congratulations and condolences on his victorious defeat in the Arizona Senate primary. (2:58)

WELCOME TO "THE REPORT."

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

FOLKS, I GIVE YOU ANSWERS, BUT I

ALSO ASK QUESTIONS ON A NIGHTLY

BASIS.

YOU KNOW, THE ETERNAL QUESTIONS

LIKE, THERE ARE SEA CUCUMBERS,

THERE ARE SEA LION, WHY NO SEA

ELEPHANTS?

THEY HAVE THEIR OWN SNORKEL

EQUIPMENT.

[LAUGHTER]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ENERGY.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAISE AND

FOR YOUR LOVE.

FOLKS, I AM DRAGGING ASS TODAY

AFTER PARTYING ALL NIGHT AT MY

BIANNUAL MID-TERM PRIMARY

RESULTS BLOWOUT.

IT IS MY BIGGEST

ELECTION-RELATED CELEBRATION OF

THE SEASON, EVEN CRAZIER THAN

THE BACHANNAL I THROW FOR THE

LATE SPRING CANDIDACY FILING

EXTENSION REQUEST DEADLINE.

I FOUND OUT I COLLECTED 15,000

SIGNATURES... ON MY FACE.

VERY FUNNY, GUYS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT THE BIG STORY LAST NIGHT WAS

THE RISING TIDE OF

ANTI-INCUMBENT ANGER THAT FIRED

A WARNING SHOT ACROSS THE FETID

WASHINGTON, D.C., SWAMP LIKE A

NANNY STATE.

THANK YOU PUNDITMETAPHORS.COM.

BUT NO INCUMBENT OUT THERE LAST

NIGHT SUFFERED A MORE DECISIVE

DEFEAT THAN SENATOR JOHN

McCAIN, WHO LAST EVENING WAS

REJECTED BY VOTERS FOR HIS

ANTI-TAX CUT, ANTI-BORDER FENCE

VIEWS.

INSTEAD THEY VOTED FOR A CAN DAY

WHO TOOK THE EXACT OPPOSITE

POSITION OF JOHN McCAIN, DARK

HORSE CANDIDATE JOHN McCAIN.

[LAUGHTER]

HE REALLY... JOHN McCAIN HERE,

THIS GUY, THE GUY ON THE RIGHT,

JOHN McCAIN REALLY TAPPED INTO

THE ANTI-McCAIN SENTIMENT.

IN 2004, JOHN McCAIN SAID, "I

VOTED AGAINST THE BUSH TAX CUTS

BECAUSE OF THE DISPROPORTIONATE

AMOUNT THAT WENT TO THE

WEALTHIEST AMERICANS."

BUT THREE WEEKS AGO JOHN

McCAIN SAID...

>> LET'S EXTEND THE TAX CUTS.

LET'S EXTEND THEM.

>> Stephen: AND IN 2007, JOHN

McCAIN SAID, "AMERICA IS STILL

THE LAND OF OPPORTUNITY AND WE

ARE NOT GOING TO ERECT BARRIERS

AND FENCES."

BUT IN MAY, JOHN McCAIN

SAID...

>> COMPLETE THE DANG FENCE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW IF IT

WAS NECESSARY TO DROP THE DANG

BOMB, BUT VOTERS CLEARLY LIKED

WHAT THEY HEARD, AND THEY

DECIDED JOHN McCAIN HAS HAD

HIS SHOT.

IT'S TIME TO GIVE JOHN McCAIN

A CHANCE.

SO SENATOR McCAIN, OUR

HEARTEST CONGRATULATIONS AND

Loading...