America Needs to See Obama's Report Cards

  • Aired:  04/27/11
  •  | Views: 113,999

Barack Obama releases his long-form birth certificate, but Donald Trump wants the president's Occidental records. (5:34)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY

MUCH [CROWD CHANTING "STEPHEN"]

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

IN HERE, OUT THERE, FOLKS, YOU

KNOW -- I'M SURE YOU KNOW -- I

DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU

ARE HERE ON A MOMENTOUS NIGHT.

I BELIEVE TONIGHT WILL GO DOWN

AS ONE OF THE DAY'S IN U.S.

HISTORY.

[LAUGHTER]

BECAUSE THIS MORNING BARACK

OBAMA FINALLY RELEASED HIS

LONG-FORM BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND FOLKS, I THINK WE'LL ALL

REMEMBER WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE

LEARNED THE PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED STATES IS THE PRESIDENT

OF THE UNITED STATES.

[LAUGHTER]

ANYWAY, I'M JUST GLAD WE CAN

FINALLY PUT TO REST THE CRAZY

FRINGE IDEA THAT THIS WILL END

THE CONTROVERSY.

[LAUGHTER]

REMEMBER, THEY RELEASED THE

SHORT FORM IN 2008.

IT DIDN'T STOP THE CONTROVERSY

THEN.

WE DEMANDED THE LONG FORM.

>> WHY DON'T YOU SIMPLY TURN

OVER THE LONG FORM CERTIFICATE

AND IT WILL END THE ISSUE.

>> IT'S DIFFERENT A THAN A

LONG-FORM BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

>> A REAL LONG-FORM BIRTH

CERTIFICATE.

>> Stephen: THIS IS THE LONG

FORM THEY RELEASED TODAY.

IT IS ACTUALLY SHORTER THAN THE

SHORT FORM.

MR. PRESIDENT, YOU COULD HIDE IT

BEHIND THE SHORT FORM.

WE DEMAND A FOOT-LONG FORM.

[LAUGHTER]

IT ONLY COSTS $5.

[LAUGHTER]

PLUS I REALIZED THIS IS JUST A

PRINTOUT SO I WENT TO THE

ORIGINAL ONLINE AND WHERE IS THE

RAISED SALE?

I CAN'T÷úlp FEEL -- RAISED SEAL?

I CAN'T FEEL IT AT ALL.

IF THIS DOCUMENT RIGHT HERE, IF

THIS REALLY IS FROM 1961 WHY IS

THERE NOT A SINGLE MENTION OF ED

SULLIVAN?

HE WAS HUGE.

WHERE IS THE STAIN FROM THE

DELIVERING DOCTORS MARTINI?

[LAUGHTER]

WE WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE THIS MUCH

IF IT WEREN'T FOR REPUBLICAN

PRESIDENTIAL FRONT RUNNER AND

OWNER OF WORLDS ONLY MOBIUS

TOUPEE, DONALD TRUMP.

HE GOT IT DONE.

HE WAS HUMBLE IN VICTORY.

>> TODAY I'M VERY PROUD OF

MYSELF BECAUSE I'VE ACCOMPLISHED

SOMETHING THAT NOBODY ELSE HAS

BEEN ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH.

EYE REAMY HONOR -- I'M REALLY

HONORED, FRANKLY TORQUE HAVE

PLAYED SUCH A BIG ROLE.

I AM REALLY PROUD.

I'M REALLY HONORED.

SO I FEEL I ACCOMPLISHED

SOMETHING REALLY, REALLY

IMPORTANT AND I'M HONORED BY IT.

>> Stephen: WOW.

HE WAS SO HONORED HE FORGOT TO

PLUG HIS TV SHOW.

>> I HAVE A SHOW CALLED "

CELEBRITY APRIL PRENTICE."

-- CELEBRITY APPRENTICE.

>> Stephen: NAILED IT.

I BOW BEFORE YOU, SIR.

WHY WAS HE SO HON HONORED BY

HIMSELF?

>> I AM HAPPY BECAUSE WE HAVE

ISSUES THAT ARE UNBELIEVABLEY

IMPORTANT.

THE WORD IS ACCORDING TO WHAT

I'VE READ THAT HE WAS A TERRIBLE

STUDENT WHEN HE WENT TO OK

DENTAL.

HE THEN GETS NO COLUMBIA AND

HARR KWRORD.

HO DO YOU GET INTO HARVARD IF

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD STUDENT.

WHY DOESN'T HE RELEASE HIS OK

DENTAL RECORDS DOCCIDENTAL

RECORDS?

>> Stephen: WHY NOT RELEASE

HIS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL RECORDS?

WE NEED TO KNOW IF HE PLAYED

WELL WITH OTHERS AND IF HE

PLAYED WITH EVERYONE.

I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT BECAUSE

THAT WOULD BE SOCIALISM.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND FOLKS, JUST LOOK AT THIS

PICTURE OF YOUNG BARACK OBAMA

TRICK-OR-TREATING.

WHERE IS THE RECEIPT FOR THAT

COSTUME?

[LAUGHTER]

IF HE CAN'T SHOW IT WE'RE GOING

TO HAVE TO ASSUME HE IS ACTUALLY

A PIRATE.

WHAT ABOUT HIS BOOK DREAMS FROM

MY FATHER?

HOW DID HE GET THOSE DREAMS FROM

HIS FATHER?

DID HE STEAL THEM?

WAS IT A GIFT?

DID HE PAY THE TAXES ON THEM?

WHERE IS THE PAPERWORK?

HE CLAIMS HE HAD A DR. J POSTER

ON HIS BEDROOM WALL.

BUT WHERE IS DR. J'S MEDICAL

DEGREE IN THUNDER DUNKOLOGY.

SURE OBAMA CLAIMS HIS FATHER WAS

BLACK BUT IS THAT MAN THERE EVEN

HIS FATHER?

WE TURN TO THE SO-CALLED

LONG-FORM BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

FULL MAIDEN NAME OF MOTHER

STANLEY ANNE DUNHAM.

STANLEY?

DOES THAT MEAN SHE WAS A DUDE?

OBAMA HAD TWO DADS.

WHICH WAS ONE HIS BIOLOGICAL

FATHER?

WE CAN'T BE CERTAIN WHO THIS

MAN'S PARENTS ARE WHICH MEANS I

HAVE NO PROOF HE IS EVEN A BLACK

MAN.

COULD BE WHITE AND IF THAT'S THE

CASE I DON'T

Loading...