Diane Keaton

  • Aired:  04/30/12
  •  | Views: 66,797

Oscar-winning actress Diane Keaton skirts Stephen's questions and misinterprets a backstage hug. (6:15)

>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY,

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN OSCAR WINNING ACTRESS WHOSE MEMOIR IS CALLED THEN AGAIN.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE SEQUEL,

THEN AGAIN 2, THEN AGAIN AGAIN.

PLEASE WELCOME DIANE KEATON.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING ON.

LOVELY TO MEET YOU.

>> IT'S LOVELY TO MEET YOU.

>> I'M A BIG FAN.

>> CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING.

>> Stephen: YES, MA'AM.

>> ARE YOU TILL RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

>> Stephen: ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT IT YOU CAN NEVER SAY FEVER.

>> BUT YOU WEREN'T AT THE CORRESPONDENT'S DINNER I NOTICED.

>> Stephen: NO, I HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE CORRESPONDENT DINNER SINCE THEY ALERTED SECURITY.

>> THEY ALERTED SECURITY.

>> Stephen: ABOUT SIX YEARS AGO, YES.

>> WHY?

>> Stephen: I PERFORMED.

>> WERE YOU-- .

>> Stephen: I WAS CLOTHED, I WAS CLOTHED SO THEY KNEW I WASN'T PACKING.

>> BECAUSE I HEARD-- .

>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO EVEN MAYBE HAVE A GUN AROUND THE PRESIDENT.

AND THESE DAYS THAT MEANS BUCK MAKED IS THE ONLY WAY TO BE SURE.

SO I MIGHT RUN.

I MIGHT RUN.

>> YEAH.

WELL, YEAH, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I WON'T BE VOTING FOR YOU, I JUST-- .

>> Stephen: WELL THAT'S A LONG SETTUP TO BREAK MY HEART.

>> I DON'T CARE, I REALLY DON'T CARE.

>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU HURT ME.

>> I DON'T CARE IF I HURT YOU AT ALL.

AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR BUCK NAKED ASS.

>> Stephen: I NEVER OFFERED.

YOU MISINTERPRETED THAT HUG BACKSTAGE.

>> THAT WAS A LITTLE TRICKY.

>> Stephen: IT WAS, IT WAS.

>> IT WAS A LITTLE TOO TIGHT.

>> Stephen: .

>> YOU PUSHED ME INTO-- .

>> Stephen: MY BUTT WAS TOO TIGHT.

>> YOU DID, AND I'M BRINGING YOU UP ON CHARGES.

>> Stephen: YOU ARE.

>> YES, I AM.

I REALLY MEAN IT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: THE BOOK IS CALLED-- (APPLAUSE)

>> BE CAREFUL.

>> Stephen: THE BOOK IS CALLED THEN AGAIN, OKAY.

NOW YOU'RE AN ACTRESS,

RIGHT.

>> ARE WE GOING TO TALK ABOUT ME NOW.

>> Stephen: WE K WE DON'T HAVE TO.

>> MY BOOK I MEAN.

>> Stephen: WE CAN TALK ABOUT YOUR BOOK.

>> BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE I IN HERE.

>> Stephen: YOU ARE THE ONE THAT STARTED IN ON MY BUTT.

>> LOOK, I DON'T REALLY-- IT'S A PAPERBACK VERSION AND IT IS COMING OUT TOMORROW.

>> Stephen: REALLY?

>> MR. COLBERT.

>> Stephen: WOW THAT IS --

>> WOW, WOW TO YOU TOO.

>> Stephen: IT IS REALLY WONDERFUL, IT'S REALLY WONDERFUL THAT IT IS IN

PAPERBACK, IT WILL MAKE IT SO MUCH EASIER TO PULP.

IT WON'T GUM UP THE-- YOU IN THIS BOOK, YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR MAMA LOT.

>> OH, YEAH, WELL, DO I HAVE TO GET SERIOUS.

>> Stephen: YOU DON'T HAVE TO GETS SERIOUS AT ALL.

>> I DID LOVE MY MOTHER.

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT,

THAT'S BRAVE OF YOU.

TO ADMIT THAT.

IT TAKES REAL COURAGE.

(LAUGHTER) TO SAY THAT YOU LOVED YOUR MOTHER.

(LAUGHTER) BUT LET ME ASK YOU, DID YOUR MOTHER LOVE YOU?

DID YOUR MOTHER LOVE YOU.

DID YOUR MOTHER WANT TO YOU BE AN ACTRESS.

>> YOU'RE HURTING MY FEELS.

I'M GOING TO CRY.

>> Stephen: I WILL MAKE NEWS.

COLBERT, SEXUALLY A COST KEATON, TEARS, FILM AT 11.

DID YOUR MOTHER WANT YOU TO BE AN ACTRESS.

>> NOW YOU KNOW WHY I WOULDN'T VOTE FOR YOU.

>> Stephen: BECAUSE?

>> BECAUSE YOU'RE A SEXUAL PERVERT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: NO, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MANAGING I WAS DOING WAS IN ANY WAY PER VERDICT.

MAYBE IT WAS LIKE MISSIONARY POSITION, LIGHTS ON AND A HANDSHAKE AT THE END.

MAYBE IT WAS TOTALLY UNPERVERTED.

(APPLAUSE) MAYBE IT WAS-- YOU KNOW,

MAYBE 2 WAS MORMON IN ITS SANCTITY.

>> DON'T GO THERE, DON'T GO THERE.

>> Stephen: SO IS THERE ANY PART OF THIS BOOK WOULD YOU LIKE TO DISCUSS?

OR DID IT GET PUBLISHED BY ACCIDENT AND YOU'RE TRYING TO BURY ALL THE POSSIBLE

INFORMATION AND YOU'RE HERE TO TRY TO SNAP-- SNATCH BACK THE ADVANCED COPY YOU SENT TO US.

IS THERE SOME REASON YOU DON'T WISH TO SPEAK ABOUT THIS BOOK.

>> NO I DO WANT TO.

>> Stephen: THE THING THAT BOTHERS ME ABOUT THE BOOK IF YOU DON'T MIND ME SAY ITS.

>> NO, I DON'T MIND.

>> Stephen: IS YOU READ YOUR MOTHER'S DIARIES IN PREPARATION FOR WRITING THISING WOULD.

THAT HUMANIZED YOUR MOTHER FOR YOU?

>> BECAUSE OUR PARENTS ARE BIGGER THAN LIFE.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: DID THAT HUMANIZE THEM, I DON'T APPROVE OF THAT.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT YOUR PARENTS TO BECOME HUMAN?

>> THAT'S ROUGH ON ME,

THAT'S A ENOUGH QUESTION.

WHY WOULD I WANT-- .

>> Stephen: BECAUSE I WANT MY PARENTS TO BE GOD LIKE BECAUSE THEN AS THEIR SON

I'M A DEMI GOD.

WERE THERE THINGS YOU LEARNED THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LEARN ABOUT YOUR MOTH

NEVER READING HER DIARY.

>> LIKE WHAT.

>> Stephen: IT'S YOUR MOTHER.

I MEAN --

>> NO, ACTUALLY I DID WANT TO SAY ONE THING.

>> Stephen: OH PLEASE.

>> THIS IS THE PAPERBACK VERSION OF THEN AGAIN AND IT'S COMING OUT IN THE STORES TOMORROW.

>> Stephen: WE'RE DEFINITELY GOING HIT THAT WE PUT A BIG PICTURE AND EVERYTHING.

AND I'M GOING TO SHOW FOR IT SUPERHARD AT THE END OF THE INTERVIEW.

BUT BEFORE I ENCOURAGE MY VIEWERS TO BUY THE BOOK YOU HAVE TO SAY ONE [BLEEP]

THING ABOUT IT.

(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: SO PICK ONE.

YOU WANT TO READ?

>> I'LL READ.

>> Stephen: DOW WANT TO READ LIKE THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS NUMBER OR SOMETHING OUT OF

THE FRONT.

DIANE, THANK YOU FOR COMING.

>> IF YOU THINK I'M A GOOD SIDE KICK MAYBE.

>> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A GIG, DON'T GET UP.

DON'T LEAVE.

>> OH DON'T LEAVE.

>> Stephen: YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

UNTIL THE CAMERAS GO OFF.

>> OH.

>> Stephen: THANKS.

>> OH.

>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LADY AS AND JARX I WANT TO THANK-- I WANT TO

THANK DIANE KEATON FOR COMING.

>> I'M BRINGING UP ON CHARGES.

>> Stephen: AS WELL YOU SHOULD.

WE'RE GOING TO MAKEOUT AS SOON AS THE CAMERAS GO OFF.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DIANE KEATON.

THE BOOK IS THEN AGAIN T GOES ON SALE TOMORROW, IT'S PAPERBACK.

THANK YOU.

STAY HERE.

BYE.

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