Barack Obama-Gun Control Conspiracy

  • Aired:  03/27/12
  •  | Views: 55,100

The fear of not being able to buy guns during a second Obama term leads to Americans buying so many guns that now they can't buy any guns, just like they feared. (4:56)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

[CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THE WAY YOU CHANT, THE WAY YOU CHANT, I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU MARCH IN KNEE-HIGH BOOTS.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US FOR WHAT MIGHT BE THE END OF THE REPUBLIC.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I HAVE WARNED YOU FOR YEARS THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA WAS HATCHING A SECRET PLOT TO BE RE-ELECTED.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND NOW THAT THAT PLOT HAS BEEN EXPOSED -- BECAUSE OF THIS WHOLE ELECTION THING WE'RE DOING --

[ LAUGHTER ]

WELL, IT IS CAUSING THE APPROPRIATE LEVEL OF PANIC.

>> GUN SALES HAVE RECENTLY SURGED.

SOME SAY ONE REASON IS FEARS THAT AN OBAMA RE-ELECTION COULD USHER IN A NEW ERA OF GUN

CONTROL REGULATIONS.

PEOPLE ARE SO WORRIED THAT TOP FIREARM MANUFACTURER STURM RUGER AND COMPANY, IS ACTUALLY

SUSPENDING NEW FIREARM ORDERS BECAUSE THEY SAY THEY CANNOT KEEP UP.

>> Stephen YES, THE FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BUY GUNS HAS LED

TO BUYING SO MANY GUNS THAT NOW WE CAN'T BUY ANY GUNS-- JUST LIKE WE FEARED!

[ LAUGHTER ]

OH, IT'S TOO SIMPLE BEGUN RIGHT.

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.

"OH, COLBERT'S BEING IRRATIONAL." OH, REALLY?

IT'S HAPPENED BEFORE.

IN 2008, WHEN PEOPLE BOUGHT GUNS BEFORE OBAMA TOOK OFFICE,

BECAUSE THEY KNEW HE'D PASS HARSH GUN REGULATIONS.

WHICH HE DIDN'T, AND I WILL NOT FALL FOR IT AGAIN, MR.

PRESIDENT, BUT WE ARE ONE STEP AHEAD OF WHERE YOU ARE NOT PLANNING TO GO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE NRA'S BEEN TRYING TO WARN US FOR MONTHS.

>> IN PUBLIC THE PRESIDENT WILL REMIND US HE'S PUT OFF CALLS

FROM HIS PARTY TO RENEW THE OLD CLINTON GUN BAN, HE HASN'T PUSHED FOR NEW GUN CONTROL LAWS.�i

BUT IT'S A BIG FAT STINKING LIE-- IT'S ALL PART OF A MASSIVE OBAMA

CONSPIRACY TO DECEIVE VOTERS AND HIDE HIS TRUE INTENTIONS TO DESTROY THE SECOND AMENDMENT IN

OUR COUNTRY.

>> Stephen: YES!

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S A VAST CONSPIRACY, AND THE TOTAL LACK OF EVIDENCE IS ALL THE EVIDENCE I NEED.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ME THINKS -- FOLKS -- YES.

ME THINKS HE DOTH TOO LITTLE TOO MUCH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

IF HE GETS AWAY WITH THIS, WHAT OTHER THINGS HE'S SHOWN NO SIGNS OF DOING WILL HE DO?

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOR INSTANCE, HE HASN'T SOLD YOU INTO WHITE SALVERY.

WHY NOT?

YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE.

YOU COULD TOTALLY SATISFY A RUSSIAN KLEPTOCRAT.��

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE HE HASN'T SEIZED ALL THE CATHOLIC

CHURCH'S PROPERTY AND GIVEN IT TO THE NEW BLACK PANTHER PARTY FOR THEM TO RUN THEIR REEFER DENS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ERGO: HE WILL!

AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE MEANING OF WORD ERGO.

AND FOLKS, IT'S NOT JUST THE CERTAINTY THAT OBAMA WILL TAKE

AWAY OUR GUNS THAT'S DRIVING UP GUN SALES.

IT'S THE POST-APOCALYPTIC HELL-SCAPE OBAMA WILL CAUSE.

AS ONE FIREARMS SPECIALIST TOLD FOX-NEWS "PERSONAL HANDGUNS HAVE HAD A STEADY RISE SINCE 2008.

THE KIND OF STUFF THAT FITS IN THE WAISTBAND FOR WHEN SOMEONE TRIES TO STEAL YOUR GAS CAN."

[ LAUGHTER ]

YES!

WE NEED OUR PISTOLS TO FIGHT OFF THE ROVING GANGS WHO WILL COME TO STEAL OUR PRECIOUS JUICE!

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S THE SAME REASON -- MY GOD THEY'VE ALREADY STOLEN IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S THE SAME REASON I AM INVESTING IN PERSONAL HELICOPTERS,

DIRT CHILDREN, AND STEEL GIMP MASKS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO ARM YOURSELVES AMERICA, OR BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, WE'LL ALL BE RULED OVER BY A SEXY BLACK LADY

WITH CRAZY BLOND HAIR.

MR. PRESIDENT, WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER HERO.

WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW THE WAY HOME.

ALL WE WANT IS LIFE BEYOND...

THUNDERDOME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND BY THE WAY, MR. PRESIDENT,

YOU CAN HAVE MY BOOMERANG KNIFE WHEN YOU PRY IT FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

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