Pointless Counter Pointless - Big Bird vs. Oscar the Grouch

  • Aired:  09/26/13
  •  | Views: 48,701

CNN's "Crossfire" promises to be an intractable political shout fest, and Sesame Street characters talk trash. (6:00)

NOW, NATION THERE ARE SOMEPEOPLE WHO COMPLAIN THAT

POLITICAL DISCOURSE IN THISCOUNTRY HAS BECOME TOO POLARIZED

AND OVERHE WANTED.

WELL, I HOPE THOSE PEOPLE GETSHOT.

I FOR ONE LOVE A GOOD ARGUMENT,AND THAT IS WHY I AM SO EXCITED

ABOUT THE RETURN OF CNN'S"CROSSFIRE" WHICH BACK IN THE

80s PRACTICALLY INVENTEDPEOPLE YELLING INCOHERENTLY AT

EACH OTHER.

I LOVE WATCHING PEOPLE FLY OFFTHE HANDLE.

THAT'S WHY MY FAVORITE SHOW ISTHE RETURN DESK AT BEST BUY.

YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOINGTO HAPPEN.

AND UNTIL THE REVAMPED"CROSSFIRE" APPEARED EARLIER

THIS MONTH, THE ONLY PLAES YOUCOULD FIND INTRACT EBL POLITICAL

SHOUTFEST WAS EVERYWHERE ELSE ONCAPABLE NEWS.

AND I KNEW THIS NEW "CROSSFIRE"WAS GOG DELIVER AS SOON AS I SAW

THE PROMO.

SERVATIVES AND LIBERALS LIBERALSHAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO THE

COUNTRY TO ADVANCE OW VIEWS ANDTHEY'RE NOT THE SAME.

>> I AM GOING TO SCIS OFDISAGREE WITH YOU PAUSE I THINK

YOU'RE ALL WRONG.

>> Stephen: DID YOU CATCHTHAT, THE ALL NEW CROSS-FIRE

RETURNS.

EVEN THE TAG LINE IS ARGUINGWITH ITSELF.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

PEOPLE ARE VERY EXCITED ABOUTTHE NEW "CROSSFIRE."

BUT, NATION YSHOULD CNN VIEWERSHAVE ALL THE-- LET'S CALL IT

FUN?

TIWANT IN ON THIS NEW ERA OFBICKERTAINMENT.

SO TONIGHT I'M INTRODUCING THETRIUMPHANT RETURN OF MY BRIEFLY

NONEXISTENT DEBATE SEGMENT,COINCIDENTLESS,

COUNTER-POINTLESS.

FOLKS, I'VE SEEN HIM PARTICIPATEAS A DEBATER.

IN THIS SEGMENT I'LL BE SERVINGAS THE DEBATE MODERATOR MAKING

THIEWR THING TONIGHT GET TOOMODERATE.

I HAVE FOUND TWO PERFECTADVERSARIES TO APPEAL IT A YOUNG

DEMOGRAPHIC.

FERS ON THE RIGHT, HE HASFRIENDS IN HIGH PLACES.

PLEASE WELCOME BIG BIRD.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

IS THERE AND TO MY LEFT PLEASEWELCOME OSCAR THE GROWTH.

GENTLEMENK GENTLEMEN, THUF FORJOINING ME.

HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS EVENING?

>> CRUMMY.

>> Stephen: HOW ABOUT YOU,BIG BIRD?

>> WELL, TOON HONEST, STEPHEN,I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

>> Stephen: THAT'S OKAY BIGPIRD.

JUST BE YOURSELF.

BE MYSELF, HMMMM.

I'M TO GO IT.

>> Stephen: TONIGHT WE'REDEBATING THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL

TOPICS OF OUR TIMES STARTED WITHTHE LETTERS.

BIG BIRD WHAT, SAY YOU?

>> OH, I LIKE THE LETTERS.

LOT OF GREAT THINGS START WITHS., LIKE SUNSHINE, AND SAILBOAT,

STEPHEN.

AND, STEPHEN, YOUR NAME STARTSWITH.

SO BIG BIRD LIKES THE LETTERS.

TELL ME, DO WE STILL NEEDS.

STEPHEN I LIKE THE LETTERS, SOMANY WORDS SHOW YOUR.

THAT'S WHEN PEOPLE USE BIGBIRDS.

THAT'S ANNOYING.

AND GROUCHES LOVE BEING ANNOYED.

>> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND,YOU BOTH LIKE THE THE LETTER

"S."

THAT'S SHOCKING.

>> OH, SHOCKING START WITH THELETTER "S."

>> Stephen: HEY, KNOCK ITOFF.

THE WHOLE IDEA OF THIS SHOW ISISAGREEMENT I MEADE YOU TO

ARGUE.

>> NO.

>> WHAT?

YOU WON'T DO THAT?

>> NO, I'M SORRY.

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED ME TO ARGUEWITH YOU?

>> NO, NOT ME WHIM.

JIEWF JUST SUPPOSED TO FIGHT.

COME ON, LET'S TALK SOME TRASH.

OH, THAT I CAN DO.

CRASH IS GREAT SO DIRTY ANDDISGUSTING AND YUCKIE.

♪ ♪.

>> Stephen: JIMMY WHAT'SHAPPENING

♪ OH, I LOVE TRASH ♪.

>> Stephen: OSCAR.

>> ANYTHING DIRTY OR DINGY ORDUSTY

♪ ANYTHING RAGGED OR ROTTEN ORRUSTIED.

YES, I LOVE TRASH.

NO, WHAT AM I DOING?

STOP IT?

STOP IT.

ANGER, NOW GET ANGRY, GO.

BUT I'M NOT ANGRY.

OSCAR SURELY YOU'RE ANGRY.

NO, NO, I'M CROWDING A BUT SITBURDEN OF PROOF EMOTIONAL

DISTINCTION.

DISTINCTION.

>> Stephen: WELL I'M ANGRY.

I'M ANGRY YOU TWO AREN'T ANGRY.

>> THAT'S SILLY.

YOU NEED HELP.

>> STEPHEN, WHENEVER I GETANGRY, I PUT MY HANDS ON MY

BELLY, I TAKE DEEP BREATHS TOCALM DOWN.

>> Stephen: I DON'T WANT TOCALM DOWN!

I JUST WANT TO HAVE A DEBATESHOW LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE WHERE

THEY YELL AND SCREAM.

THIS IS THE WORST DEBATE SHOWEVER!

( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )

>> GEE, I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTYCOOL.

>> NO, IT WAS LOUSY.

>> I LIKED IT.

>> I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TOBE THE ONE WHO LIKED TRASH.

>> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHTBACK!

♪ ♪( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )