War on Halloween - Costume Swapping & Jesus Ween

  • Aired:  10/26/11
  •  | Views: 51,955

Planet huggers turn America's Almond Joy into almond shame, and a Christian group in Texas hands out Bibles instead of candy. (3:31)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

LISTEN FOLKS, EVER SINCE I WAS A KID, I HAVE LOVED HALLOWEEN.

IT'S THE MOST EXCITING NIGHT OF THE YEAR, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A NUT ALLERGY.

I OFTEN WENT AS RAPIDLY SWELLING BOY.

SADLY, SOME OUT THERE AREN'T SWEET ON THIS SUGAR FEST.

THIS IS THE WAR ON HALLOWEEN.

[LAUGHTER]

FOLKS, ONCE AGAIN THE PLANET HUGGERS ARE TURNING OUR ALMOND JOY INTO ALMOND SHAME.

>> THERE'S A NEW TREND TAKING THE NATION BY STORM.

IT'S CALLED "COSTUME SWAPPING DAY."

>> THE IDEA IS TO KEEP THINGS FROM THE LANDFILL.

INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY BUYING A COSTUME, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE THEM OVER TO A LOCATION AND SWAP

WITH SOME PEOPLE.

>> COSTUME SWAPPING?

I'M SORRY, BUT I DON'T WANT MY KID WEARING SOME OLD, FLAMMABLE,

PLASTIC DEATHTRAP.

I WANT THEM WEARING A NEW,

FLAMMABLE PLASTIC DEATHTRAP.

THIS IS POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD.

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT WE'LL NEED TO BUY CARBON OFFSETS TO LEAVE A FLAMING BAG OF POOP ON A DOORSTEP.

ENVIRONMENTALISM GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING HALLOWEEN STANDS FOR.

RAMPANT CONSUMERISM AND WASTE.

IT'S LIKE CLEAR CUTTING A FOREST, PULPING THE TREES INTO LUSH THREE-PLY TOILET PAPER,

SHIPPING THE ROLLS ON DIESEL TRUCKS TO AIR CONDITIONED GROCERY STORES WHERE WE BUY

THEM, AND AS A HEARTLESS FINAL INSULT HURL THEM AT THEIR STILL-LIVING COUSINS.

THE POINT IS... HALLOWEEN IS FUN.

IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING RESPONSIBLE.

THAT'S WHY WE SEND OUR KIDS ALONE OFF INTO THE NIGHT TO SOLICIT COMPLETE STRANGERS FOR FOOD.

BUT THERE ARE LUCKILY SOME HALLOW WINNERS OUT THERE, ADDING A NEW TWIST TO THIS OLD HOLIDAY.

>> HALLOWEEN IS LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AWAY, AND A CHRISTIAN GROUP IN TEXAS IS PROMOTING A

FAITH-BASED ALTERNATIVE TO THE USUAL SEXY COSTUMES WE'VE SEEN,

EVIL SOME BEES AND OTHER UNGODLY CHARACTERS AS WE SAW THEM.

THEIR ALTERNATIVE IS SOMETHING CALLED JESUS WEANS.

THE GROUP IS ASKING CHRISTIANS TO DRESS IN WHITE AND HAND OUT BIBLES INSTEAD OF CANDY.

>> THAT IS THE SPIRIT OF HALLOWEEN.

BECAUSE DRESSING IN WHITE AND HANDING OUT BIBLES, BE SURE TO MAKE YOUR HOUSE THE CREEPIEST

ONE ON THE BLOCK.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

BUT, KIDS, KIDS, REMEMBER, WHEN YOU BRING HOME YOUR BAG OF BIBLES, LET YOUR PARENTS CHECK

THEM FOR RAZOR BLADES.

OR WORSE, DIANETICS.

BUT AS MUCH AS I LOVE JESUS WEAN, THIS GROUP HAS PITCHED IT AS AN ALTERNATIVE TO HALLOWEEN.

WHY?

JESUS AND HALLOWEEN GO TOGETHER LIKE JESUS AND PEANUT BUTTER.

YOU GOT YOUR SPOOKY IN MY CHRIST.

YOU GOT YOUR CHRIST IN MY SPOOKY.

THINK ABOUT IT.

JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD.

HE'S THE ORIGINAL ZOMBIE.

EXCEPT YOU EAT HIS BODY.

IT'S TRUE.

THEREFORE IT IS NOT OFFENSIVE.

[LAUGHTER]

TO NO LETTERS PLEASE.

SO GO OUT THIS YEAR AND CELEBRATE JESUS-WEEN.

WE'LL KNOW IT'S C

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