Top 10 of 2012 & Operation Killing "Killing Kennedy"

  • Aired:  11/29/12
  •  | Views: 51,340

While the media compiles countdown lists, Stephen competes for Time magazine's attention and goes after Bill O'Reilly's book, "Killing Kennedy." (5:59)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, THANKS SO MUCH.

NATION FOLKS, DOINT KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I BELIEVE IN THE ANCIENT MAYAN PROPHECY THAT DECEMBER 3 1st OF 2012

WILL BRING-- BRING ABOUT THE END 69 YEAR, IT'S ALSO PREDICTED BY THE ANCIENT MAYAN SEXY FIREMAN CALENDAR.

FOLKS, THE END OF THE YEAR IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR.

BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE MEDIA DITCHES THEIR LAST REMAINING VESTIGES OF JOURNALISM AND JUST COUNTS THINGS.

>> WE MUST BE GETTING CLOSE TO THE END 69 YEAR BECAUSE TOP TEN LISTS ARE NOW COMING OUT.

>> ANDERSON COOPER WILL REVEAL OUR TOP TEN HEROES OF 2012.

>> MICHELLE COUNTING DOWN HER TOP POLITICAL TURKEYS OF THE YEAR.

>> COUNTING DOWN THE TOP ACTS FOR HOLIDAY SHOPPING.

>> THE TOP FASHIONISTA OF THE 2012.

>> SPECIAL TOP TEN SHOWBIZ COUNTDOWN OF THE YEAR'S MOST EXPLOSIVE REALITY SHOWS.

>> Stephen: AS ALWAYS THE NUMBER ONE EXPLOSIVE REALITY SHOW, BOMB STARS WHERE EIGHT

CELEBRITIES LIVE IN A BEACH HOUSE AND ARE BLOWN UP.

FOLKS, I LOVE NUMBERED LISTS SO MUCH THAT I HAVE COMPILED MY TOP TEN LISTS OF FAVORITE

NUMBERS ONE THROUGH TEN.

COMING IN AT NUMBER ONE FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW, FIVE!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) AND NOW THE FIVE THAT IS NUMBER ONE, NUMBER FIVE IS, OF COURSE, SEVEN.

AS IN THE PHRASE SLAP ME A HIGH SEVEN, MY NUMBER FIVE MAN.

(LAUGHTER) OF COURSE MY TOP TEN NUMBERS LIST ALWAYS MAKE MY YEARLY LIST OF FAVORITE LISTS'S LISTS.

UNFORTUNATELY MY LIST OF FAVORITE LISTS LISTS DID NOT MAKE THIS YEAR'S LIST.

BUT ONE LIST MAKER THAT ALWAYS MAKES MY LIST IS "TIME" MAGAZINE.

THIS YEAR ONCE AGAIN I'M A CONTENDER ON THEIR PERSON OF THE YEAR LIST.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NOW IN PREVIOUS YEARS I HAVE COMPETED FOR TIME'S ATTENTION WITH MY KOREAN POP

NEMESIS RAIN.

RRAAIINNNN!

IS NOT ON THE LIST THIS YEAR.

PERSONALLY I BLAME THE DROUGHT.

SO THIS YEAR I AM A SHOE-IN TO TAKE IT AS LONG AS THERE ISN'T A HUGE K POP STAR WITH

KILLER DANCE MOVES CAPTURING AMERICA'S HEART.

>> GANGNAM STYLE.

>> Stephen: PPSSYYYYYJ!

HE DARES TO BE ON THE LIST AHEAD OF ME.

OH, I WILL CRUSH YOU AND THE INVISIBLE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON.

(LAUGHTER) BESIDES, RIGHT NOW I AM AT NUMBER FIVE WHICH YOU WILL RECALL THIS YEAR IS NUMBER ONE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: SO I AM ALREADY KIND OF WINNING.

NOW OF COURSE I'M ALSO MAKING LISTORY WITH MY NEW BOOK, AMERICA AGAIN, REBECOMING THE GREATNESS WE

NEVER WEREN'T.

BOOM!

THANKS TO YOU, NATION, WE HAVE BEEN ON "THE NEW YORK TIMES" BEST-SELLER LIST FOR

EIGHT YEARS IN A ROW.

BAM LAM!

BUT HERE'S THE THING.

WE PEAKED AT NUMBER THREE.

AND EVERY WEEK SINCE I'M TRAILING BILL O REILLY'S BEST-SELLERS KILLING LINCOLN,

KILLING KENNEDY, AND LET'S SAY SODOMIZING COOLIDGE.

(LAUGHTER) NOW YOU KNOW, ANYBODY WATCHES THIS SHOW KNOWS THERE IS NO BIGGER FAN OF

BILL O'REILLY THAN BILL HIMSELF.

BUT-- I AM A CLOSE SECOND.

NEVERTHELESS THERE ARE NO FRIENDS ON THE BEST-SELLER LIST, AS PAPA BEAR PROVED ON

THE JON STEWART SHOW.

>> SO YOU GOT KILLING LINCOLN, KILLING KENNEDY, WHAT IS THE NEXT ONE?

>> KILLING COLBERT.

>> Jon: OH, THAT'S NICE.

NO, I CANNOT ADVISE, YOU HAVE STEPPED OVER THE LINE, SIR!

(LAUGHTER)

>> OKAY, OKAY.

NO BIG DEAL.

(LAUGHTER) ALL RIGHT, NATION, [BLEEP]

IS ON.

IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO DEFEND AMERICA, IF BY AMERICA YOU MEAN ME, AND I USUALLY DO.

TONIGHT I AM LAUNCHING OPERATION KILLING KILLING KENNEDY.

I NEED EVERYONE-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: I NEED EVERYONE WITHIN THE SOUND OF MY VOICE TO GO BUY MY BOOK AND FOR

THE RECORD THIS ISN'T ME ABUSING OUR RELATIONSHIP BY TELLING YOU TO BUY MY BOOK.

THIS IS ME REMINDING YOU YOU'RE GOING TOW BUY MY BOOK EVENTUALLY.

JUST DON'T DO IT IN DRIBS AND DRABS.

LET'S GET IT ALL DONE IN ONE WEEK AND ROCK IT TO THE TOP!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) AND AND IF THAT ROCKET, AND IF THAT ROCKET HAPPENS TO GO RIGHT UP BILL O'REILLY'S ASS,

WELL THEN MERRY CHRISTMAS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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