Tip/Wag - Chilean Miners, Portland Press Herald & Isa Blyth

  • Aired:  09/20/10
  •  | Views: 35,737

Trapped Chilean miners get cigarettes, the Portland Press Herald issues an apology, and a 106-year-old woman credits her longevity to being a virgin. (5:30)

YOU'LL GET ON BILL MAHER.

FOLKS, IF YOU LIKE HATS AND HATE

FINGERS, YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE

THIS NEXT SEGMENT.

THIS IS "TIP OF THE HAT, WAG OF

THE FINGER."

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NATION, 33 MINERS IN CHILE HAVE

BEEN TRAPPED UNDERGROUND AND

WE'VE ALL BEEN PRAYING FOR THEIR

SAFE RETURN FOR OVER SIX WEEKS

NOW.

TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE,

THAT'S ALMOST AS LONG AS WE

CARED ABOUT THE GULF OIL SPILL.

BUT, FOLKS, THESE CHILEAN MINERS

ARE DOING OKAY.

JIM?

>> IN CHILE, THE 33 MINERS

TRAPPED FOR MORE THAN FIVE WEEKS

ARE NOW GETTING AMENITIES MOST

OF US TAKE FOR GRANTED,

ELECTRICITY, WATER, FINE OPTIC

COMMUNICATIONS AND FRESH AIR.

THE MINERS HAVE NOW BEEN GIVEN

PERMISSION TO SMOKE CIGARETTES.

THEY WILL BE SENT TWO PACKS A

DAY TO SHARE.

>> PERFECT, ALL THEY WERE

MISSING DOWN THERE WAS SOMETHING

TO FIGHT OVER.

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE

A WAG OF MY FINGERS, THESE DUDES

UNDERGROUND WITH A BUNCH OF

CIGARETTES AND A CABLE

CONNECTION.

NOW THEY'RE ASKING FOR ALCOHOL.

CLEARLY THEY'RE TURNING THAT

CAVE FULL OF MEN INTO MAN CAVE.

FELLAS, I KNOW BRO-MANCES ARE

HOT, BUT THEY ONLY WORK AS

COMEDY, NOT TRAGEDY.

THAT'S WHY JUDD APATOW'S

UNACCOMPANIED MINERS WENT

STRAIGHT TO D.V.D.

NOW NEXT UP, WE'RE STILL PRAYING

FOR YOUR SAFETY.

NEXT UP NEWSPAPERS MAKE MISTAKES

AND NOT JUST BY BEING IN THE

NEWSPAPER BUSINESS.

LAST WEEK MAINE'S "PORTLAND

PRESS HERALD" ISSUED AN APOLOGY

FOR A RECENT STORY THAT HILT A

RAW NERVE WITH MANY READERS.

FOR MORE LET'S GO TO WPBF

PORTLAND'S NEWS LEADER.

>> THE PUBLISHER OF A NEWSPAPER

IN MAINE HAS APOLOGIZED AFTER

RECEIVING HARSH CRITICISM ABOUT

ITS SEPTEMBER 11th EDITION.

THE PAPER GAVE FRONT-PAGE

COVERAGE TO THE END OF RAM ADAN,

SHOWING MUSLIMS PRAYING AT THE

END OF THE MUSLIM HOLY MONTH.

>> Stephen: ON 9/11?

THAT'S SO INSENSITIVE?

ISN'T THERE ONE DAY A YEAR WE

CAN ALL AGREE NOT TO BE MUSLIMS?

I'M PRETTY SURE JEWS AREN'T

JEWISH ON CHRISTMAS.

I BELIEVE THEY ARE CHINESE.

[APPLAUSE]

SO OF COURSE THE PAPER'S EDITOR

AND PUBLISHER, RICHARD WILL MENT

CONNER, ISSUED A FULL-PAGE MAIA

CULPA SAYING THE PAPER SHOULD

HAVE ACTED WITH GREATER

SENSITIVE TO THE PAINFUL

MEMORIES STIRRED BY THE

ANNIVERSARY OF 9/11 AND THEY

SHOULD HAVE OFFERED BALANCE TO

THE STORY.

THE PUBLIC'S ANGRY AND IMMEDIATE

RESPONSE TAUGHT CONNER THE

LESSON WE ALL TAKE FROM 9/11,

THAT THE PEOPLE WHO ATTACKED US

CELEBRATE RAMADAN, THEREFORE

ANYONE WHO CELEBRATES RAMADAN

MUST HAVE ATTACKED US, THE SAME

WAY DUCKS FLY SOUTH FOR THE

WINTER AND SO DO MY

GRANDPARENTS, THEREFORE MY

GRANDPARENTS ARE DUCKS.

WHICH IS WHY I'M ISSUING A WAG

OF MY FINGER AT THE "PORTLAND

PRESS HERALD" FOR NOT

APOLOGIZING FOR ALL THE OTHER

STORIES IN THEIR PAPER THAT

BRING UP PAINFUL MEMORIES, LIKE

THIS FEBRUARY 13th DINING

REVIEW, FOR GERMAN FARE,

RICHARD'S RESTAURANT CUTS THE

MUSTARD.

NOWHERE DID THEY RUN A

COUNTER-STORY ACKNOWLEDGING THE

PAINFUL MEMORIES OF NAZI

GERMANY.

BY THE WAY, FOLKS, WHERE WAS

THIS RICHARD IN 1939?

BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHO ELSE MADE A

MEAN RHEINISCHER SAUERBRATEN?

HITLER.

AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED,

"PRESS HERALD" ON YOUR TONE

DEAF, ONE-SIDE PORTRAYAL OF THE

IN ORDERRIC CONQUEST.

HOW CAN YOU RUN "HAGER THE

HORRIBLE" ON YOUR COMIC PAGE

WITHOUT DISCUSSING THE BATTLE OF

SVOLDER IN THE YEAR 1,000.

DAMN YOU, KING OF DENMARK!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY, A

LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.

FINALLY, FOLKS, I WANT TO TAKE A

MOMENT TO ACKNOWLEDGE ISA BLYTH,

THE 106-YEAR-OLD BRITISH WOMAN

WHO CREDITS HER LONGEVITY TO

BEING A VIRGIN, ALTHOUGH I WOULD

CREDIT HER VIRGINITY TO BEING

SURROUNDED BY BRITISH MEN.

I RESPECT YOU, MS. BLYTH.

I RESPECT YOU FOR SAVING

YOURSELF FOR THE RIGHT GUY AND

NOT GIVING INTO THE MARRIAGE

PRESSURE YOU'RE GREG FROM YOUR

PARENTS.

THAT'S WHY I'M GIVING BLIT BLIT

ISA BLYTH A WAG OF MY FINGER FOR

BEING A CENTURY-LONG TEASE.

ISA, YOU KNOW FORBIDDEN FRUIT IS

THE MOST TEMPTING, ESPECIALLY

WHEN THAT FRUIT IS SO RIGHT.

LET ME JUST POUR YOU A SPARKLING

GLASS OF ENSURE.

[LAUGHTER]

AND WHY DON'T YOU AND I HAVE

OURSELVES AN EARLY BIRD...

[LAUGHTER]

SORRY.

THAT'S THE ENSURE TALKING.

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY

ABOUT TAKING YOUR CALCIUM

SUPPLEMENTS BE

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