Women on American Currency

  • Aired:  07/31/14
  •  | Views: 17,301

President Obama embraces a young girl's dangerous proposal to include the faces of women on U.S. currency. (3:15)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE REPORT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

(AUDIENCE CHANTS "STEPHEN")(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SOMUCH FOR JOINING US.

FOLKS,-- WHAT A LOVELY MOB.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: FOLKS, YOU KNOW-- IF

YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING THISSHOW, IF YOU'VE BEEN

WATCHING THIS SHOW FOR THEPAST FIVE YEARS, AND I HOPE

YOU HAVE BEEN, IT'S NO SECRETTHAT BARACK OBAMA IS RUINING

OUR ECONOMY.

ASK YOURSELF-- ASK YOURSELFTHIS QUESTION.

UNDER HIS LEADERSHIP ARE YOUAS RICH AS YOU'D LIKE TO BE?

I KNOW I COULD IMAGINE MEHAVING MORE MONEY.

(LAUGHTER) I JUST DID. WELL, JUST LISTEN TO THE LATEST

MONETARY POLICY THEPRESIDENT IS GETTING FROM

HIS SO-CALLED ECONOMICADVISORS.

>> LAST WEEK A YOUNG GIRLWROTE TO ASK ME WHY AREN'T

THERE ANY WOMEN ON OURCURRENCY.

AND THEN SHE GAVE ME LIKE ALONG LIST OF POSSIBLE WOMEN

TO PUT ON OUR DOLLAR BILLSAND QUARTERS AND STUFF.

WHICH I THOUGHT WAS A PRETTYGOOD IDEA.

>> Stephen: A PRETTY GOODIDEA?

A PRETTY GOOD IDEA?

JUST LOOK AT OUR MONEY.

IT TOOK OVER 200 YEARS FOROUR CURRENCY TO ACHIEVE THE

PERFECT BALANCE OF DEADWHITE GUYS AND SECRET

ILLUMINATI SYMBOLS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)PLEASE ACCEPT MY APPLICATION.

AND THINK OF THE ECONOMICCONSEQUENCES HERE.

IF WE PUT A WOMAN ON THE $1BILL,

IT WILL BE WORTH ONLY 77 CENTS.

PLUS THINK ABOUT THIS.

I MEAN JUST FROM A MORAL,JUST FROM A MORAL POINT OF

VIEW IF MY WALLET IS FILLEDWITH LADIES, I CAN'T KEEP IT

NEXT TO MY BUTT, I'M AMARRIED MAN.

AND WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU ANDYOUR BROS ARE HAVING A

GUYS' NIGHT OUT? IF THERE IS AFEMALE FACE ON THE MONEY

TUCKING IT INTO A G STRINGMIGHT SOMEHOW FEEL DEMEANING TO

WOMEN. AND SURE RIGHT NOWTHERE AREN'T ANY WOMEN ON

OUR CASH BUT THERE AREPLENTY OF PORTRAITS OF WOMEN

IN OTHER IMPORTANT PLACES.

BATHROOM SIGNS, MUD FLAPS,SYRUP BOTTLES.

AND IF WOMEN GET ON PAPERMONEY I DEMAND A

MR. BUTTERWORTH.

WHERE DOES OBAMA EXPECT TOFIT ALL THESE WOMEN.

IS HE GOING TO MAKE NEWBILLS?

WHAT DENOMINATION WILL ITBE.

3, 7, SHOE?

MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHATPRESIDENT OBAMA FAILS TO

REALIZE HERE IS THAT WEALREADY HAVE CURRENCY WITH A

WOMAN ON IT.

THE $2 BILL.

IT'S NOT USED MUCH, I KNOW,BUT IT PROUDLY HONORS OUR

FOUNDING MOTHER,MRS. DOUBTFIRE.

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