Colbert Super PAC - Iowa Straw Poll Results

  • Aired:  08/15/11
  •  | Views: 114,881

Michele Bachmann gets a commanding 80% of the votes she paid for at the Iowa straw poll, and "Rick Parry" receives at least 718 write-in votes. (7:36)

THEY'RE GOING TO GET

EVERYTHING.

OF COURSE WE WERE

ADVERTISING IN IOWA BECAUSE

SATURDAY WAS THE AMES STRAW

POLL.

EVERY ONE WAS THERE EXCEPT

THE ONES WHO WEREN'T.

AND MICHELLE BACHMANN WON IT

ALL.

HER TENT WAS BY FAR THE MOST

POPULAR.

NOW SOME ANALYSTS SAY IT IS

BECAUSE OF HER STRONG

SUPPORT AMONG EVANGELICALS.

OTHERS BECAUSE OF HER STRONG

STANCE ON THE DEBT CEILING

BUT ONE INSIDER HAD A

DIFFERENT THEORY.

>> WE HAVE AN AIR

CONDITIONED TENT.

WE'VE GOT CHAIRS.

WE'VE GOT COUNTRY LEGEND

SUPERSTAR RANDY TRAVIS LIVE.

WE'RE ALSO GOING TO HAVE A

PETTING SGROO FOR THE KIDS.

>> Stephen: YES, A PETTING

ZOO.

OF COURSE AT A BACHMANN

PETTING ZOO YOU ARE ONLY

ALLOWED TO PET ANIMALS OF

THE OPPOSITE SEX.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW ANOTHER FACTOR MIGHT

HAVE BEEN THAT BACHMANN

HELPED HER SUPPORTERS PAY

FOR THE $30 VOTING TICKETS

BY PAYING FOR THEM.

>> THERE WERE LONG LINES

OUTSIDE BACHMANN IT COULD

HAVE BEEN FOR THE BRISKET,

WE DON'T KNOW, THE BARBECUE.

SHE HAS A LOT OF MONEY TO

SPREAD AROUND.

SHE HAS BEEN HANDED OT

TICKETS.

>> THERE ARE REPORTS SHE

HANDED OUT 6,000 TICKETS.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT,

SHE PAID $180,000 TO HAND

OUT $6-- 6,000 TICKETS BUT

IT WAS WORTH IT BECAUSE SHE

GOES 4,823 VOTES.

BACHMANN GOT A COMMANDING

80% OF THE VOTES SHE PAID

FOR.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: I SAY, I SAY

THIS PROVES SHE COULD WIN

THE GENERAL ELECTION

ASSUMING SHE CAN GET 50

MILLION VOTERS INTO A FIELD,

PACK THEM WITH BARBECUE AND

LET THEIR CHILDREN PET RANDY

TRAVIS.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

BUT FOLKS, BUT ACCORDING TO

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.

SOMEONE ELSE IS SURPRISINGLY

WELL AT THE STRAW POLL.

REPORTING QUOTE SATURDAY'S

OUTCOME SUGGESTS THAT XXX

HAS A CERTAIN LEVEL OF

SUPPORT AND PERHAPS EVEN

MORE IMPORTANT THE STRONGEST

GET OUT THE VOTE OPERATION.

YES, THEY FINISHED VERY

STRONG WITH A CERTAIN LEVEL

OF SUPPORT.

NOW THE AP IS A TOP-NOTCH

NEWS ORGANIZATION THAT WOULD

NEVER JUST PINCH OUT AN

ARTICLE BEFORE THE RESULTS

WERE IN KNOWING THEY CAN

SLAP IN ANY NAME LATER AND

THEN FORGET TO DO IT.

NO.

(APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NO.

WHEN THE AP SAYS THAT XXX

HAS THE SCIENTIFICALLY

QUANTIFIABLE CERTAIN LEVEL

OF SUPPORT, YOU CAN TAKE

THAT TO CERTAIN BANK.

(LAUGHTER)

SO I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS

MYSTERY CANDIDATE XXX.

HE SOUNDS GREAT.

UNFORTUNATELY, HE HAS A

PRETTY BIG SEX SCANDAL

WAITING TO EXPLODE BECAUSE I

GOOGLED HIS NAME ALONG WITH

THE PHRASE WAITING TO

EXPLODE AND THE RESULTS WERE

SHOCKING.

(LAUGHTER)

PRETTY SICK STUFF.

OF COURSE THE BIG LOSER IS

TIM PAWLENTY.

SADLY, PAWLENTY MADE THIS

ANNOUNCEMENT ON ABC'S THIS

WEEK WITH JAKE TAPPER.

>> I'M ANNOUNCING THIS

MORNING ON YOUR SHOW THAT

I'M GOING TO BE ENDING MY

CAMPAIGN FOR PRESIDENT.

WHAT I BROUGHT FORWARD I

THOUGHT WAS A RATIONAL,

ESTABLISHED, CREDIBLE STRONG

RECORD OF RESULTS BUT I

THINK THE AUDIENCE SO TO

SPEAK WAS LOOKING FOR

SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

>> Stephen: YES, THEY WERE

NOT LOOKING FOR RATIONAL.

RATIONALITY IS THE THIRD

RAIL OF AMERICAN POLITICS.

(LAUGHTER)

AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WE

EAT FRIED BUTTER ON A STICK.

DOES THAT SOUND LIKE THE ACT

OF A RATIONAL PERSON.

AND I WAS ESPECIALLY SAD TO

SEE PEEPAW GO OUT THIS WAY

CONSIDERING THE ETHIC

ETHICNESS OF HIS FIRST

COMMERCIAL.

>> THE EFFORT IT TAKES,

EXTRAORDINARY, IT TAKES

EXTRAORDINARY STRENGTH.

>> Stephen: SO MUCH GRANDEUR.

SO MUCH STOCK FOOTAGE.

YOU SHOULD HAVE PLAYED THAT

ALL THE WAY THROUGH TO THE

END.

THIS IS HOW YOU WITHDRAW

FROM A CAMPAIGN.

>> ANNOUNCING THIS MORNING

THAT I'M GOING TO BE ENDING

MY CAMPAIGN FOR PRESIDENT.

WE DIDN'T DO WELL IN AMES.

WE WEREN'T GOING TO HAVE THE

FUEL TO KEEP THE CARGOING

DOWN THE ROAD.

WE NEEDED TO GET SOME LIFT

TO CONTINUE ON AND HAVE A

PATHWAY FORWARD.

THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

I WISH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN

DIFFERENT.

BUT OBVIOUSLY THE PATHWAY

FORWARD FOR ME DOESN'T

REALLY EXIST.

WITHIN WELL, IT WAS

DISAPPOINTING.

(APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: YES, IT WAS.

WE'RE OVERCOME RIGHT NOW.

OF COURSE NOW THAT PAWLENTY

IS OUT THE BIG QUESTION IS

WHETHER BACHMANN OR PERRY

WILL GET HIS SUPPORTER.

(LAUGHTER)

9 EVEN BIGGER QUESTION IS

HOW DID COLBERT SUPERPAC DO

IN IOWA?

AS I SAID --

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND I WANT TO THANK ALL

THESE PEOPLE FOR SUPPORTING

THE SUPERPAC WITHOUT HAVING

TO KNOW WHAT IT DOES.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AS I SAID, OH YOU OF LITTLE

FAITH.

AS I SAID, OUR SUPERPAC RAN

SUPERADS IN DES MOINES

URGING IOWANS TO GO TO THE

STRAW POLL AND WRITE IN RICK

PERRY WITH AN A FOR IOWA.

(LAUGHTER)

WELL, FOLKS, THE RESULTS ARE

IN AND RICK PERRY RECEIVED

7189 VOTES WHICH WERE ALL

SPELLED WITH AN "A"

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

MENT I ASSUME BECAUSE THE

IOWA GOP OFFICIALS REFUSED

TO RELEASE THE FULL WRITE IN

RESULTS.

>> BOO!

>> Stephen: WHO ARE YOU

AFRAID OF, GOP, THAT THE

SUPERPAC NATION IS GOING TO

DEMAND THEIR SEAT AT THE

TABLE?

SOMEBODY NEEDS TO GET TO THE

BOTTOM OF THIS BLATANT VOTE

LAUNDERING.

YOU KNOW WHO I THINK COULD

BLOW THE LID OFF THIS THING?

THE TEAM AT WOI, DES MOINES

AES NEWS LEADER.

I'M TALKING AMANDA, RACHEL,

JOHN WALTERS ON SPORTS AND

BRAD EDWARDS AT THE WEATHER

MAP.

AND YOU KNOW WHO I THINK

COULD REALLY GET TO THE

BOTTOM OF THIS, INTREPID

REPORTER KATIE EASTMAN.

SHE HAS PROVEN THAT SHE IS A

JOURNALISTIC BLOODHOUND.

>> THE CITY OF DES MOINES

HAS BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS

PARK FOR A LONG TIME NOW.

AND DOG OWNERS OF DES MOINES

COULDN'T BE HAPPIER THAT THE

PARK IS FINALLY HERE.

>> Stephen: THANKS, KATIE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THANKS, KATIE WITH.

THAT KIND OF DOGGIE SCOOP, I

SMELL A POOLITZER.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WOI NEWS TEAM, YOU FIND OUT

HOW MANY PEOPLE VOTED FOR

PERRY WITH AN "A" AND YOU

CAN BROADCAST THOSE RESULTS

ON MY SHOW.

OR I'LL BROADCAST THE SHOWS

ON YOUR SHOW.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FIND OUT THE TRUTH.

IT'S OUT THERE.

SO IS THE FRIED

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