The Word - Bully Pulpit

  • Aired:  11/09/11
  •  | Views: 82,531

Michigan Senate Republicans pants an anti-bullying law and stuff it in a locker, adding moral and religious exemptions to it. (5:11)

CONSPIRACY.

AND HERMAN CAIN ISN'T THE ONLY

ONE BEING BULLIED IN AMERICA.

BULLIES ARE ALSO A MENACE IN OUR

SCHOOLS AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR

IT.

IN FACT, IF I CATCH SOMEONE

BULLYING, I TWIST THEIR NIPPLE

UNTIL IT'S SWOLLEN AND PURPLE AS

A PLUM, YANK THEIR SHIRT UP OVER

THEIR HEAD THEN SHOVE THEM INTO

THE GIRLS BATHROOM.

BECAUSE IT'S GOTTA STOP.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT SOMETIMES, WELL-MEANING

PEOPLE GO TOO FAR.

CASE IN POINT: 47 STATES HAVE

PASSED RESTRICTIVE ANTI-BULLYING

LEGISLATION.

AND THESE LAWS JUST REPLACE THE

SCHOOLYARD BULLY WITH THE BULLY

OF BIG GOVERNMENT.

THANKFULLY, ONE STATE HAS FOUND

A WAY TO ACT AS A BIG BROTHER TO

OUR KIDS WITHOUT BECOMING BIG

BROTHER AND IT BRINGS US TO

TONIGHT'S WORD:

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BULLY PULPIT.

THE MICHIGAN SENATE JUST PASSED

"MATT'S SAFE SCHOOL LAW," NAMED

FOR TEENAGER MATT EPPLING, WHO

TRAGICALLY COMMITTED SUICIDE IN

2002 AFTER BEING TORMENTED BY

CLASSMATES FOR BEING GAY.

IT REQUIRES EVERY PUBLIC SCHOOL

ADOPT AND IMPLEMENT A POLICY

PROHIBITING BULLYING BY PUPILS

AT SCHOOL.

NOW, THIS SOUNDS LIKE A JUST AND

FITTING TRIBUTE TO AN INNOCENT

VICTIM.

BUT GARY GLENN, PRESIDENT OF THE

AMERICAN FAMILY ASSOCIATION OF

MICHIGAN, TOLD "TIME" MAGAZINE

WHAT IT REALLY IS "A TROJAN

HORSE FOR THE HOMOSEXUAL

AGENDA."

[ LAUGHTER ]

YES, IT IS WELL-KNOWN THAT THE

HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA IS AN

INSIDIOUS PLOT TO PREVENT GAY

TEENAGERS FROM DYING.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THAT TROJANS WERE REALLY

GAY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THIS LAW CLEARLY ASSOCIATES

BEING ANTI-BULLY WITH BEING

PRO-GAY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT VIOLATES THE FREE SPEECH OF

CHRISTIANS WHO ARE SIMPLY TRYING

TO FOLLOW LEVITICUS:

"IF A MAN HAS SEXUAL RELATIONS

WITH A MAN AS ONE DOES WITH A

WOMAN, BOTH OF THEM HAVE DONE

WHAT IS DETESTABLE.

THEY ARE TO BE PUT TO DEATH."

THAT'S NOT ME, THAT'S GOD.

THE ALL-KNOWING, ALL-LOVING

CREATOR WHO MADE ALL THINGS AND

HATES SOME OF THEM.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT UNDER THESE ANTI-BULLYING

LAWS, IF A CHRISTIAN JOCK

YELLED, "YOU'RE DAMNED TO HELL,

YOU QUEER," HE COULD GET

SUSPENDED AND MISS THE BIG GAME!

THEN HE WON'T GET TO TACKLE ALL

THOSE SWEATY GUYS IN TIGHT

PANTS!

[ LAUGHTER ]

THANK GOODNESS, MICHIGAN SENATE

REPUBLICANS STEPPED IN, PANTSED

THAT LAW AND STUFFED IT IN A

LOCKER BY ADDING AN EXEMPTION

THAT STATES.

"THIS SECTION DOES NOT PROHIBIT

A STATEMENT OF A SINCERELY HELD

RELIGIOUS BELIEF OR MORAL

CONVICTION."

THAT'S TOO COMPLICATED.

TELL THEM WHAT THIS MEANS NEWS

DORK!

>> THE BILL ALSO GIVES STUDENTS

LICENSE TO BULLY BASED ON

RELIGIOUS BELIEFS."

>> Stephen: HA! HA!

NICE REPORT, LEZBO!

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE POINT IS, BULLYING IS FINE

AS LONG AS YOU GET A PERMISSION

SLIP FROM GOD.

NOW WITH THIS AMENDMENT TO THE

LAW,

NOW IF YOU'RE A MICHIGAN

CHRISTIAN TEENAGER CAUGHT GIVING

A GAY KID A SWIRLIE, YOU CAN SAY

IT'S A BAPTISM.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AFTER ALL, IF YOU READ THE

BIBLE, YOU KNOW JESUS WAS A

BULLY.

HE THREW THE MONEY LENDERS FROM

THE TEMPLE-- BECAUSE THEY WERE

THE MATHLETES!

LOOK AT HIM AT THE CAFETERIA.

HANGING OUT AT THE COOL KIDS

TABLE.

"NO, THERE'S ONLY ROOM FOR THESE

TWELVE GUYS, GO SIT SOMEWHERE

ELSE,YOU PHARISEES."

[ LAUGHTER ]

EVEN THOUGH CLEARLY THERE'S TONS

OF SPACE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF

THE TABLE!

BY THE WAY, CHRISTIAN TEENS

DON'T HAVE TO RESTRICT THEIR

RIGHTEOUS BULLYING TO GAYS.

ACCORDING TO LEVITICUS THEY

SHOULD ALSO TORMENT THEIR

CLASSMATES WHO HAVE TATTOOS,

WEAR "CLOTHING WOVEN OF TWO

KINDS OF MATERIAL" OR ARE GIRLS

IN THEIR TIME OF MENSTRUAL

IMPURITY.

AND DON'T JUST BULLY THOSE

GIRLS, BULLY ANYONE WHO TOUCHES

THEM, FOR THEY ARE UNCLEAN.

AND REMAIN UNCLEAN UNTIL THE

GIRL GIVES THE PRINCIPAL

TWO TURTLES OR TWO YOUNG PIGEONS

TO BE SACRIFICED.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OBVIOUSLY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT

CHRISTIANS HERE.

WE CAN'T HAVE HINDUS, JEWS AND

MUSLIMS BULLYING US ABOUT HAVING

BURGERS, BACON AND BOOZE.

THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM WITH

THIS AMENDMENT.

IT ALSO ALLOWS BULLYING BASED ON

SINCERELY HELD MORAL CONVICTION.

AND THERE MAY BE SOME WHO ARE

CONVINCED THAT BY INSERTING INTO

A LAW WRITTEN TO PREVENT THE

SUICIDES OF TORMENTED GAY

CHILDREN AN AMENDMENT THAT

JUSTIFIES THAT CRUELTY BY

APPEALING TO GOD, THESE

REPUBLICAN SENATORS ARE BEING

IMMORAL.

AND I JUST WORRY THAT NEXT

NOVEMBER THOSE VOTERS MIGHT PICK

ON THEM.

AND THAT'S THE WORD.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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