Airport Security for Senior Citizens

  • Aired:  03/15/12
  •  | Views: 13,051

Stephen doesn't think TSA should give special treatment to elderly powder kegs. (2:09)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT.

>> STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO

MUCH, EVERYBODY.

( CHEERING )

THANK YOU.

FOLKS, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, IT

WAS-- WITH AN OPENING LIKE THAT,

YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IT'S MY

FIRST NIGHT.

( LAUGHTER )

NATION, I HAVE ALWAYS SAID

PRESIDENT OBAMA WAS AN AL QAEDA

CODDLER.

AND NOW HIS ADMINISTRATION IS

PROVING IT AGAIN.

>> ELDERLY TRAVELERS COULD SOON

GET A BREAK AT AIRPORT SECURITY.

STARTING MONDAY, THE T.S.A. WILL

TEST NEW PROCEDURES FOR

PASSENGERS 75 AND OLDER.

THEY CAN LEAVE THEIR SHOES ON

FOR ONE THING, SAME WITH THEIR

LIGHT OUTERWEAR.

>> Stephen: WHAT!

ARE THEY CRAZY!

HAVE YOU SEEN THEIR SHOES?

( LAUGHTER )

THOSE THINGS COULD BE MADE

ENTIRELY OF PLASTIC EXPLOSIVES.

WAKE UP, T.S.A.!

OLD PEOPLE ARE POWDER KEGS.

GOLD BOND POWD EBUT STILL.

THEY'RE DISGRUNTLED, THEY HAVE

NOTHING TO LOSE, AND THEY HOLD

EXTREMIST VIEWS ON MANY GROUPS.

I CAN'T EVEN REPEAT WHAT MY AUNT

RITA SAID AT THANKSGIVING ABOUT

THE SPANIARDS.

LET'S JUST SAY WE WON'T BE

SERVING SANGRIA AGAIN.

FOLKS, I HAVE ALSO ALZHEIMER'S

BEEN SUSPICIOUS OF THESE

GERIATRIC JIHADIST.

PLUS I DID SOME INTERNET

RESEARCH, AND I DISCOVERED THEY

ARE ALREADY TRAINING.

( LAUGHTER )

( GUNFIRE )

IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME

BEFORE SHE SHOOTS UP A

CRACKER-BARREL BECAUSE THEIR

LEMONADE IS TOO DAMN SWEET!

WHAT DID A SPANIARD MIX IT?

I SAY WE NIP THIS IN THE BUD AND

SEND OUR ELDERLY TO GITMO.

JUST TELL THEM IT'S FLORIDA.

THEY NEVER GO OUTSIDE ANYWAY.

Loading...